Game 48: Lego Indiana Jones: The Original Adventures

Lego Indiana Jones: The Original Adventures is a new adventure game in the same vein as Lego Star Wars. I've had great fun with the recent series of Lego games and since I've always been a fan of Indiana Jones, this is one game I'm excited to play. I've only played one other Indiana Jones game before and that was Desktop Adventures, a fun, randomly generated top-down computer game. Lego Indiana Jones supposedly does not include any content from the newest movie, which doesn't bother me, I thought it was pretty bad honestly. I will be playing the Nintendo DS version of Lego Indiana Jones.

This is my last review for Day 2 of The First Hour. Another 24 hours of video gaming has passed and another 24 will begin soon. All reviews here on thefirsthourblog.com will be moving to firsthour.net and all new reviews will be posted there. That site will consolidate my other site, beyondthefirsthour.com into it also. I'm really excited for it and I plan to launch it this summer. It will probably be a few weeks though as I have just closed on a house and also have a baby on the way, so it's going to be a busy summer! I'm excited for the future though and still plan to review just the first hour of video games. Heck, that's all I have time for anyway.

(minutes are in bold)
00 - I select New Game and the first hour of Lego Indiana Jones begins, the classic Indiana Jones theme is playing in the background. Well, the game has started right away: I'm controlling Professor Jones in what appears to be the university he works at when he's not raiding temples. With me is some dude holding an umbrella. I can whip with the A button.

This is as interesting as the bottom screen gets, so I'll cut if off from now on. Credit for images go to Gamespot and IGN.

01 - I head downstairs destroying stuff with my whip and collecting brick coins.

02 - I've found the shop where I can buy characters, hints, and extras. Not right now , I'll head upstairs and start the first level.

03 - Indy enters the Raiders of the Lost Ark room and then goes through the Lost Temple door... A cutscene begins, Indy is walking through the jungle getting shot at by blow darts while narrowly missing booby traps, his companions aren't so lucky though!

04 - I now have control, looks like I'm in the jungle around the temple.
05 - My little traitorous friend with me uses a shovel instead of a whip. I find a spot where he can dig and by sliding my thumb on the bottom screen, I can dig up some hidden treasure.

06 - Well, it's not buried treasure, just a buried platform. That should help though. Except no one can double jump so I can't get high enough anyway.

07 - Oh it wasn't a platform at all but an object that when destroyed releases bricks Indiana can put together to form the real platform. Convoluted, but that's these Lego games for you.

08 - Indiana Jones can whip himself across pits with the help of me sliding my thumb across the bottom screen, similar to digging with the shovel.
10 - This game feels so much like Lego Star Wars its unbelievable! Almost the same game so far with a different skin.

11 - My first enemy! One of those blow dart natives. I whip him to disarm him of his deadly dart and then beat him down with my fists. Satisfying.

12 - In typical Lego video game logic, I build three giant idols out of bricks and then whip them all to make a bridge appear out of nowhere. Of course!

14 - Just fought two more blow darters, but after disarming them they just stood there... Lousy AI.
15 - I've just collected two artifact treasures, if I collect all 10 in the level something will be unlocked back at the college.

16 - Not sure if this is intentional or not, but Indy can't seem to whip things directly in front of him. I suppose realistically it makes sense, but for a Lego game?

18 - Awesome! Just inflated a rubber raft by blowing into my microphone. Haha, fun stuff. Think I might have found a secret area by taking the raft behind the waterfall... but there's a door that only Scholars can enter. Are you telling me Doctor Jones is not a scholar?

20 - Now there's a red pad that only characters with pet monkeys can use! I want a pet monkey!
21 - What I love about these games is that there's so much crap to destroy. Nearly everything falls to the weight of Indy's fists. Just noticed that you don't have to slide your thumb on the touch screen to do anything cool, just pressing the A button works just as well for whipping and digging.

23 - Had to collect three blue bricks so that I could properly enter the Lost Temple.

24 - A torch puzzle lies before me, I need to do a bunch of whipping with Indy to unlock a torch so that I can light some unlit torches. Get all that?

25 - The hardest part of that puzzle was just picking up the torch! I had to stand in exactly the right spot and slam the A button.
26 - Found a door that only Thuggee characters can enter... what the heck is a Thuggee?

27 - Cool, the blow dart hallway from the movie, I had to navigate Indy onto only green tiles on the floor. Stepping on a red tile shoots a dart and kills me instantly! Thankfully in Lego games you appear again right where you died.

29 - Blowing out torches is fun.

30 - Halfway through and there's been some pretty fun platforming so far. But a total lack of bad guys! I suppose there weren't a lot of baddies running around inside the temple in the movie though...
31 - I find a hole in the wall that only small characters can crawl through. Short Round, where are you when I need you? Oh, I can see the Idol!

32 - I've just collected enough coins to achieve Adventurer status for this level!

33 - A cutscene of Indy grabbing the Idol, just like in the movie, but with Legos!

34 - Everyone knows what happens when Indy grabs the Idol... unleash the giant rolling boulder! I run towards the screen with the boulder behind me following the line of coins to safety. It was pretty funny when my AI partner got rolled up in the boulder and was stuck on it like Katamari Damacy! Hahaha! I'm able to grab the lucrative red brick at the end of the level. Those are always crucial for... something. Extras typically.
35 - After we escape from the boulder, a cutscene starts that is just like the movie. Indiana is forced to hand over the Idol but is able to escape on the plane. I save my game.

36 - Another cutscene of Dr. Jones in his classroom with the girl and her freaky eyes. Creepy...

37 - The cutscene continues and Indiana appears at Marion's bar, somewhere in Nepal I think (disappointing that the game didn't do the classic map scene when traveling). Well, we're right in the action! The Nazis have stormed in!

39 - Marion tosses bottles of alcohol as her weapon! And in one of the coolest things so far, the bottles explode when they're thrown at fire. Awesome!
41 - Some idiot is rolling kegs down the stairs at me like Donkey Kong! Luckily I've played that game before. Found a door that only BOTCS characters can enter. That's an odd one.

43 - Had to use Marion's bottle tossing against that nerdy Nazi who was trying to steal her medallion. Remember in the movie where he burns his hand on it and its symbols get imprinted into his palm? Well, in Lego Indiana Jones he sits on it! That's hilarious.

44 - We escaped the burning bar and Indy and Marion head into the cold Nepalian night.

45 - There sure are a lot of doors and chutes I can't enter. It's kind of annoying, but yet, another staple of Lego Star Wars.

I've ran out of DS screenshots so you'll have to put up with some pretty Xbox 360 screens.

46 - Wow cool, I just found a rifle to shoot with! No more punching!

48 - I love how the game encourages blowing up bottles of alcohol so much.

50 - Now the game just told me to touch gunpowder kegs with lit torches to make them go boom. The Lego Anarchist's Cookbook.

51 - You know, this part of the game wasn't in the movie at all. Didn't they just fast forward to Egypt or something? I don't remember Indy and Marion wandering around outside fending off even more Nazis.
52 - I really wish Indiana could double jump, that would make things much easier.

53 - Wow, Indy just pulled a tree over with his whip. That's one strong professor.

54 - Now I was just instructed on how to detonate dynamite!

56 - Just punched a guy off a cliff. This game is suspiciously violent!
58 - Speaking of violence, I just received a machine gun and started blowing away Nazis, or whatever they call them in this supposed kid friendly game.

60 - A cutscene of Indy and Marion stealing a jeep and that's the end of the second level and the end of the first hour of Lego Indiana Jones!

Now for some scores out of 10.
Story: 6
The story of Lego Indiana Jones has so far followed the first movie pretty closely. The cutscenes are actually pretty long and are virtual reenactments of the film but replaced with Lego characters and injected with more attempts at humor. But since this is a video game, there's a lot of "padding" to the story to lengthen the gameplay. But hey, at least I got to do the boulder chase.

Graphics and Sound: 8
The game looks great, the developers did an awesome job porting this to the DS. The new explosion effects are particularly impressive, I really don't remember those at all from Lego Star Wars. The cutscenes on the other hand look pretty weak. I wish they could have shown them in realtime with the game's engine, but instead they're kind of pixely.

Gameplay: 7
One of the great things about Lego Star Wars is the sheer variety of characters available: Jedi, Sith, blaster-wielders, Ewoks, etc. The first hour of Indiana Jones is limited to only three though: Indy with his whip, a native with a shovel, and Marion with her alcohol tossing goodness. I don't really think there's as much potential in the Indiana universe to really go crazy, but maybe they'll surprise me later on. An annoying problem with the controls is that they're not very consistent on the DS. With Indiana, the Y button punches and the A button whips. But with the native, the Y button uses his weapon but the A button doesn't do anything, and the same with Marion, the Y button tosses bottles. And when Indiana picks up a weapon, sometimes the Y button wields it and other times the A button. I was still noticing issues with the controls after an hour so I think it is notable.

Fun Factor: 8
I love these games. Destroying crap with my whip, tossing bottle of alchol in fires, punching guys off cliffs; what isn't there to love? I read earlier that Lucasarts removed any kind of Nazi symbolishm in the game including simply the word Nazi. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but even without Nazis, this game is surprisingly no-holds bar with its action. Nothing graphic of course, but Lego Indiana Jones holds pretty true to the films. Good fun all around.

Minutes to Action: 4

Overall: 8
Lego Indiana Jones wastes little time getting into the meat of the game. The action is relatively slow going compared to many other action games, but it's chock full of stuff to do and places to explore. Indiana Jones is a great setting for the newest Lego game and the DS is a great platform to play these games on. Next up is Lego Batman, which I'm equally excited about. But as for the first hour of Lego Indy? Worth every brick.

Game 30: Onimusha: Dawn of Dreams

Onimusha: Dawn of Dreams is the fourth Onimusha game in the main series and was released in early 2006 for the PlayStation 2. I personally love the Onimusha series and find them some of the most satisfying games around. The games are heavy on katanas, demons, and blood, and Dawn of Dreams is no exception. I was introduced to the series after the second one came out and I've been playing them ever since. I even rented the crappy Super Smash Bros. ripoff, Blade Warriors. Back to Dawn of Dreams though, this game was actually kind of an unexpected sequel. After the third game was released, Capcom repeatedly said that this was to be the final Onimusha game, even though the game's own ending seemingly contradicts this. Thankfully though, this was an outright lie and the series went on.

Dawn of Dreams is a hack-and-slash game set in late 16th century Japan. Many of the heroes and villains are based on important historical figures at this time, just imbued with generally evil and demon-like powers. This makes for a really interesting alternate history game where the timeline kind of veers off onto a crazy path and eventually meets back up when things settle down. Onimusha: Dawn of Dreams continues to use completely 3D backgrounds, thus giving the player complete control over the camera (this opposed to pre-rendered backgrounds with pre-determined camera angles, the technique used for the first two games) and overall better control over your hero. You also have a second member with you most of the time allowing you to switch between characters for combos and using different powers. Capcom may not have originally wanted a fourth game, but it seems they had enough ideas to start the series anew. But let's play the first hour of Onimusha: Dawn of Dreams and see if they pulled it off.

(minutes are in bold)
00 - I select New Game and the first hour begins. The classic Onimusha ringing sound effect goes off and the opening cinematic begins. It's the year 1596, two men are on a rooftop and they're about to do battle. The two look battle hardened and one appears to be wearing an Onimusha outfit, the other names himself as Mitsunari, retainer to the Toyotomi Clan.
01 - The Onimusha-clad warrior is Tenkai. They exchange words for a long time and then finally do battle. Mitsunari defends himself well and then sends a wave of giant centipedes at Tenkai and holds him in the air, dangling.

02 - Tenkai strikes back and stabs Mitsunari with his polearm, but then Mitsunari swings him around and throws him off the building. Only if the Black Oni arrives will his plan be stopped, Mitsunari announces to no one in particular. Foreshadowing. We switch to a town scene, in the distance is a giant castle with something evil looking growing out of it.

03 - Suddenly the castle erupts and the town begins to cave in on itself. Destruction everywhere. A little girl is left standing alone in her kimono, suddenly a bunch of skeleton warriors run at her! Just before she is killed, our hero appears!
04 - He destroys scores of bad guys single handedly, I wish I could play this scene but it's still the opening video. This guy is not Tenkai from the opening. Coming from the castle is a horde of bad guys: ninjas, flying creatures, and 200 foot tall colossi! Our man yells "HIDEOYOSHI!" (think "TETSUO!") and then pulls a red sword from his back.

05 - He's glowing blue now, the 200 foot tall colossus actually seems scared, rightfully so because this guy can fly! His two swords decimate the giant in one quick slice and our Japanese blonde walks towards the camera through the dust.

06 - He then bends down to give the little girl her ball back. Looks like he's not out of trouble yet, enemies rush in as he does some fancy sword moves and the title screen appears: Onimusha: Dawn of Dreams.
07 - The first chapter is about to start, Stage 1: Dawn of Nightmares. Ah, now I'm looking at the in-game graphics for the first time, and I also get control. The game looks so incredibly different! Some hints appear at the top of the screen: Square is attack, X absorbs souls.

08 - If I hold R1 I can lock on and see the bad guys' health. More skeletons approach me. L1 blocks, that's good to know.

09 - Locking on seems to help a lot as Soki (our blue clad, blonde hero) will just start comboing his sword at thin air!
10 - In-game cutscene of the one of the super giants knocking down a building, Soki looks ready to fight him! But am I? He hops onto a building and faces him down.

12 - The giant is knocking down the buildings I'm trying to fight him on, but I can't attack him directly right now. I'm just killing skeletons. Ah, finally a new enemy! They just look a little fiercer and don't appear to be resurrected peasants. I also level up, interesting! Oh, now I'm facing the colossus for real! Soki glows and turns into an Onimusha! Basically a super human with glowing eyes.

13 - The giant is doing typical stupid giant stuff like getting his sword stuck in the building so I can hack at his arm. But he is shooting a chest machine gun at me... odd. Oh, I should mention that there's like rock music playing. Not as bad as Prince of Persia: The Warrior Within though.
14 - After a few hits his giant sword flies away. His health meter still has plenty of life left in it though.

15 - Okay, now his swordless hand is getting "stuck" in the roof. Lame. He also performs this giant sweeping hand motion that seems unavoidable.

16 - The brute goes down and I receive 1000 exp. Soki delivers the finishing blow by running up his arm and slashing his face, trying to be all Legolas-like The colossus explodes, haha!
17 - Soki looks pretty sweet with white hair and evil looking eyes. Ah, a cutscene: ancient Japanese art (Okami style) appears. A woman's voice begins telling the story so far. Nobunaga had attempted to use Genma (demons, baddies, not really a Japanese word) to take over the land, but the Onimusha stopped him (this is basically a really quick recap of the first three games, minus the time travel and Frenchmen). Then Hideyoshi Toyotomi took over and united Japan (this is what was hinted at during the Onimusha 3 ending... but it also happened in real life).

18 - Hideyoshi is not a nice man either. On June 29th, 1596, the Omen Star appeared in the sky. Hideyoshi changed that day and Japan fell under chaos. Massacres and slaughter all over, including Westerners arriving there for the first time.
19 - Then an earthquake hits Kyoto! Genma climb out of the cracks and start taking over Japan. The art shows the land on fire with demons killing humans. Ouch.

20 - I'm asked to save, nah. Stage 2, The Blue Demon. Two years later... January 1598 in the Plains of Suruga. Soki is lying in a house when some genma start walking down the center of town carrying what looks like a tree.

21 - Soki wakes up (he's fully armored out and he even has horns in his head). All of a sudden some weirdo pops out from the ceiling, Minokuchi! He's like tucked in a small sack hanging from the roof. Soki heads outside to confront the Genma.
22 - He tells the lead Genma on a flaming horse to head home. Ah, they are carrying cherry blossom trees. This town seems absolutely deserted except for Soki, oh and Minokuchi, who suddenly appears flying about carrying a sword.

23 - Soki is ticked that the demons ate some bugs, not sure what that means. Soki draws his sword and challenges the Genma. Looks like a fight!

25 - The bigger they are, the harder they fall. This guy was kind of tough, guarding was incredibly important as he knocks my energy away quickly with giant hits, but I whittle him down slowly. Hitting Triangle unleashes Oni Magic which delivers some large damage using the power of Oni, or something.

26 - Another cutscene of a crow and two people standing on a building. One is a woman, the other Mitsunari from the opening cutscene. He says the Blue Demon (Soki) is famous for being a traitor to Hideyoshi.
27 - Soki set the tree on fire and it seems to be moaning and crying out. Minokuchi... seriously? What is this guy and where is he hanging from? We're outdoors and he's still dangling from something.

28 - Back inside my house, our two friends Soki and Minokuchi discuss what just happened. I guess I can rest here before I head out again.

29 - I can save here along with enhancing my equipment with the souls I've collected. I level up my sword and armor a few times. I can also learn new skills from points I earned when leveling up. I put all of my points into Attack and Thrust.

31 - Geez, there's also a shop here run by some scary dude that could be Minokuchi's great-grandfather. I buy some medicine to refill my health in the future. I guess I'd better save in case I blow it.
32 - Next up I speak with Minokuchi for a bit. Seems like his life goal is to become a samurai... too bad he's two feet tall and hangs from the ceiling in a potato sack.

34 - I head for the door to leave, and then Soki decides to sleep. Stage 3, Jubei Has Arrived! Jubei... that's the main character from Onimusha 2. It's now February and a cutscene is playing. A young woman with one glowing red eye is walking through town when she gets approached by two drunk looking men. Guys, she's wearing a short sword and dressed like a mini samurai, do you really want to mess with her?

35 - She ends up breaking one guy's mug and basically breaks another guy's neck! She asks for the Blue Demon.
36 - Minokuchi has some sixth sense and is able to tell that there is a "child" in trouble. I think this girl can handle herself pretty well. But Soki decides to head out anyway as he doesn't know that. Time to make my way towards her, but the Genma think otherwise!

38 - I find the diary of a drunkard (literally). He writes about how the world has gone to hell and his only solace is the bottle.

40 - I find a puzzle box on the ground, to receive its contents I have to solve a color puzzle. I have to rotate these colored circles so that there's a straight line of one color from left to right. Kind of hard to explain but this one was really easy. I even received the Fire Dance sword!

42 - Woah, I just critical killed an enemy by hitting him right before he hit me! The screen went white and he went down with just the single blow, I also got a bunch of extra souls for that. This move could come in handy.
44 - Not really sure where I'm going, I find a piece of burnt wood to walk over but Soki refuses to cross because it won't hold his weight. Then I find a small hole here that someone small could squeeze through... suspicious.

46 - Some archers appear but they're expectedly weak. I reach level 6 as they fall. Nice.

47 - The game is trying to stop me from proceeding by placing a one foot tall cart in my way, lame level design. I approach another small hole and then a cutscene begins.

48 - It's the girl again, geez her red eye is creeping me out. Minokuchi sneaks up behind her and scares her. She also isn't very happy to see the Blue Demon! She starts fighting with me but Soki recognizes her fighting style.
49 - Sweet, time to do battle with this rugrat.

50 - This chick is quick but I corner her and give her a whallop. She says her name is Yagyu Jubei, Soki is stunned. Minokuchi starts crying that we're out of time and then a bunch of Genma approach. Is it time for a tag team battle with Jubei?

52 - I can give Jubei instructions using the D-pad, but I can't seem to control her directly yet...

54 - Jubei keeps going on and on about how no human sword can kill the Genma, but I can see her killing them with her own short sword right in front of me!

55 - Cool, another puzzle box. Just as easy as the last one though.
56 - Genma keep flying out of the sky in large numbers. I hate unlimited enemies, but these guys are easy enough, for now.

57 - Hey, a Test of Valor. It's a challenge to kill an axeman in less than a minute. Well, this toady goes down in 15 seconds thanks to Jubei's quickness and my strength.

59 - Oh no! Soki and Jubei get separated when a ladder is destroyed. Will we make it out alive? Well, yes. I find another ladder and unbar the door so we can meet up again.

60 - One final Test of Valor in the game's final minute! This time I have to fight off three axemen, but it's still pretty easy, we take them out in 38 seconds and receive a Bronze medal, dang. My reward is Grass. What the...? Well, that's it for the first hour of Onimusha: Dawn of Dreams.

Now for some scores out of 10.
Story: 7
As I stated in the introduction, Onimusha: Dawn of Dreams provides an alternative historical look at a turbulent time in Japanese history. This isn't something like Call of Duty where you're just a soldier in a war, this is a total rewrite with the same characters but with many more fictional elements. I believe that this kind of writing meshes really well with video games, and Dawn of Dreams is an example of that. However, I'm disappointed in how Capcom fumbled this opportunity because Dawn of Dream's story in the first hour starts dragging at the end. We get a great opening with interesting (and real) characters doing crazy things, but then we skip ahead two years and we find ourselves in a ghost town in the middle of nowhere. The game feels more like an American Western with swords (Rising Zan, anyone?) than a 16th century retelling set in turbulent Japan. Also, what the heck is going on with the Minokuchi character? That is seriously messed up and reminded me that I was just playing an insane Japanese video game instead of interacting with alternative historical fiction.

Graphics and Sound: 7
Onimusha: Dawn of Dreams suffers from the nasty case of awesome-looking-opening-cutscene-then-horrible-in-game-graphics syndrome. Of course, the in-game graphics aren't that bad, but after six full minutes of beautiful cutscenes, nothing will look that hot. The most recent generation of consoles is dissolving that difference quickly, but Dawn of Dreams still suffers from it. It's disappointing, and after a bunch of Xbox 360 and Nintendo DS games, that much more noticeable. The graphics were improved though since Onimusha 3 and the fully rendered environments are again welcome. This is probably one of the better looking PS2 games, but the art style is a little tired coming from an Onimusha veteran.

Sound is above average also, most notably the Japanese language option is music to my ears. Onimusha 2 only had English voices which ticked me off to no end, but is the only game in the series lacking Japanese.

Gameplay: 6
Dawn of Dreams just doesn't seem to compare to a game like God of War 2, which has much more fluid action and a larger variety of weaponry, even early on. Combat is relatively simple: target, attack, block, and a super move. There are timed criticals available in the first hour but that's about it. This would have definitely received a higher score if it would have let me control Jubei directly, something that is available later on (but why not right away...?). I've also noted in the past that fighting huge bosses early is usually a huge plus, but when they're this stupid, you can't help but think of how much hand holding is really going on. There seems to be a lot of depth though with weapon and armor power-ups, along with collecting more weapons with different attributes. I believe the game has some promise there. Can't forget the puzzle boxes either, those should provide a nice side challenge later on.

Fun Factor: 5
Onimusha's appeal lies in a great setting, interesting good and bad guys, and its action-oriented gameplay. Dawn of Dreams fails at nearly all of these completely in its first hour. After the opening scene we find ourselves in a deserted town with no explanation on why Soki is staying here. The only semi-interesting character is Mitsunari but he's relegated to the back seat while crazy stupid Minokuchi and his rope from nowhere tries to steal the show. And finally the action feels really confined and sometimes quite awkward. Targeting is a must, something that really wasn't necessary in the early Onimushas, and I even felt kind of weak compared to the skeleton peasants. Why aren't I taking them down in one or two swings? Also the fact that I have a second character tailing me but all I can do is tell her to fight or just stand there is a great opportunity lost.

Minutes to Action: 7

Overall: 6
Dawn of Dream's fun factor describes my overall feeling of its first hour: opportunities lost. It is set during a super interesting period of Japanese history, and the best story Capcom can come up with is that there are evil cherry blossom trees and that bugs are the cause of the genma? And why can't I control Jubei? The game's first hour is slightly above average though: the graphics look great when you don't compare them to the opening and the Japanese voice acting is stellar. Onimusha is an action game at heart and so it's not that huge of a loss when the story is underwhelming. There does feel like there is something lacking in the gameplay but it is still a solid hack-and-slash. Give Onimusha: Dawn of Dreams a try if you've played any of the others, but I would recommend starting at the beginning of the series if you're new to it.

Art by John Devlin - used with permission.

Game 22: Psychonauts

Psychonauts is a multiplatform adventure game from the creative mind of Tim Schafer, creator of some of my favorite games: Monkey Island, Full Throttle, and Grim Fandango. Up until recently, I had never played Psychonauts, call me cheap or call me foolish, but it's the sad truth. Times have changed though and Psychonauts is now a free game at Gametap through the end of the year! That did it for me and now I've been suckered into downloading Gametap and Psychonauts to my PC for the low price of free. Not a bad deal.

A little more on Psychonauts, it was released in 2005 to relatively lackluster sales but has since gathered a seemingly rabid fanbase. It has also been released on pretty much every digital distribution method including Steam, Xbox Live, and of course, Gametap. There aren't a lot of developers out there who are brave (or stupid) enough to make a "funny game," but Tim Schafer has the quality resume, so let's see if the first hour of Psychonauts lives up to his predecessors.

For my shorter review on the whole game, please see my Psychonauts review at Beyond the First Hour.

(minutes are in bold)
00 - I boot up the game for the first time, and it seems to sense I'm a Psychonauts first-time player and sends me right into the game. Now that just isn't right when I'm timing this game to the minute, so I spend a few minutes and finally make it back to what I think is the main menu (by the way, I have absolutely no problem with a game doing this, actually I think it's a good idea, but it was five minutes until I could reach the menu or even mess with the options). I'm running on top of a brain! I select new game and a cutscene starts with a tough sounding guy explaining the brain. The brain is the ultimate weapon! The first hour of Psychonauts has begun.

01 - It is the Psychic Age, and I am a Psychic Soldier. This scene is like one of those war briefings where an old yellowed projector is showing the brain with the commander yelling in front of it.
02 - He tells us that those who do not become Psychonauts will die! All the little kids start crying, including a kid with a tin foil hat on! Okay, no one is really going to die. The game looks pretty good, has that cool Grim Fandango-like art style.

03 - All of a sudden whom I assume is the main character falls from the ceiling crashing the party. The instructors try to psychically attack the boy, but they fail. His name is Razputin, or Raz for short.

04 - Raz apologizes for being late and is lightly reprimanded. The voice acting is also excellent. Great emotion and the voices fit the characters well.
05 - Well, maybe Raz's voice seems a little old for how young he looks, but it's still great. Raz explains to the group why he should be allowed to stick around the Psychonauts training camp.

06 - Raz can't have any paranormal training until he gets his parent's consent. He is very passionate about training to become a Psychonaut. Dogen explains that he wears his tin foil hat because he once made someone's head explode.

07 - The three instructors argue over Raz's mind, they all seem to have a plan for it. Loading.

08 - Time to create a profile... I leave his name as Raz. The profile creation screen all takes place in the kids' bunk. Class is at six tomorrow morning!

09 - An eye exam, probably the start of my training as a player. Some old guy explains PSI Challenge Markers and PSI Cards. Collection stuff I guess.
10 - Ah, they're actually for learning new psychic powers.

11 - Loading again. Raz walks out of his cabin and some kids yell not to miss Basic Braining! That's good stuff.

12 - I finally have control over Raz. WASD move him around while the mouse is used for controlling the camera. Since this game is also available for the Xbox and PS2, I can also use the PS2 controller I have plugged into my computer, but I'll stick with keyboard/mouse controls unless the platforming gets obnoxious.
13 - Tons of stuff to see in the area and collect. I find a purple arrowhead when digging up a plant. Talking to kids is as easy as pressing F, there's a peeping tom kid! Kid's parents allow him to watch R-rated movies! Hahaha!

15 - Tin foil hat kid is talking to squirrels. Creepy kid. All the other kids are carrying out conversations in real time too, neat stuff.

16 - The character's faces exhibit a lot of emotion. Must be the giant eyes.
18 - I spend a few minutes jumping on trampolines, exploring, and listening in on conversations by my classmates.

19 - Can't check out the rest of the camp until I get my Basic Braining Merit Badge. Raz is able to grind on things, he must have those awesome rollerskate shoes that I always wanted.

20 - A couple of kids tell me horror stories about the main teacher, Coach Oleander. Seems he threw some blind kids off a cliff for being late to class!
22 - I find a stinky PSI card in the outhouse...

23 - I head up a winding stairway to start my first objective.

24 - A cutscene starts as I approach the classroom, a kid warns me about the Coach, but then we're interrupted by some bullies. The leader looks like Carrot Top, definitely a psycho by the way.
25 - I approach Coach Oleander to start Basic Braining. I'm given the option to start training or to run around more... no sense in delaying the inevitable.

27 - A cutscene video starts as Raz is pulled into the doorway (literally) of Coach's mind. Loading.

28 - Raz and me are in the mental world now, but it's just a small room with a projector again! The Coach starts telling us about the greatest job in the world.

29 - I have to punch the projection of coach to proceed, here goes! I bust open a hole in the wall and proceed into his mind.

30 - The other weak kid runs in too and then is blown up by the mental obstacle course. Owned. Coach's mind is a war zone.
31 - YES! I can double jump!!!

32 - I collect my first "figment of the imagination," I need one hundred points to rank up, each figment gives me about three points.

33 - Raz also takes a moment to sort out coach's "emotional baggage," literally! It's an actual trunk!

34 - I climb some ladders and poles, controls are really great.

35 - Ouch, my first injury as I get burnt by some fire.

36 - I encounter Carrot Top and he boots me off a ledge. A cute looking girl saves me my holding me up in the air with her mind.
37 - I have to make it past a flamethrower... I find a ladder around it, but I also saw a sign that said "Classified Path," I can't ignore that! It takes me into a tunnel with lots of moving platforms.

38 - The controls hold up as I traverse them with ease.

39 - I rank up to level 2, I receive a new rank at level 10. That seems like a long way off!

40 - NOOO!!! Shimmy! My worst enemy!
42 - I manage to fall right near the end of my shimmy. I hate shimmying.

43 - A series of trampolines brings me quite high up, then climb a wall that's getting bombed as I go up!

44 - Dogen is up here outside a mine field. He tells me he keeps getting blown up, I tell him I'll help him across. I make it through just fine but Dogen gets blown up... back to help him.

47 - I manage to get tin foil hat kid through the mine field without harm, and he gives me some psychic arrowheads as my reward. I think this is what it costs to use psychic powers? No solid explanation yet.
49 - I'm inside a sealed warplane now, and there's a kid babbling directions, not sure if they actually apply to me or not. Left, right, soft right, left, then a side road, then they asked for directions, and then a lady had to go to the bathroom. That's what he said... just more verbose. Then they walked 3, 4, 2, and half a mile. Then a U-Turn.

51 - After smacking the kid around he tells me to hit the door instead... duh. I jump out of the plane! Loading.

52 - Some kids are happy to see me, they tell me I have to beat a game because the coach won't open a gate. Okay...

54 - Well that was pretty easy, just had to punch some cardboard cutouts of bad guys. Probably to train me in more punching. My reward is the gate is opened, and the annoying kids get blown up! HA HA!
55 - I have to bust open the vault in Coach's mind, he says he has nothing to hide.

56 - After I bust it open I get a black and white picture book titled "Oleander's Pride." Seems to be about the coach during the war. Oleander was quite the war hero.

57 - I encounter a little alien that can teleport me to places I've been before, no need for him now. Ouch, I'm in a field with a laser guided gun on me! I lose a little health as he tacks me good.

58 - Seems like a good time to save the game.

59 - It's pretty easy to avoid the machine gun by strafing. In the middle of the field I open up a hat box.
60 - Phew, I get past the machine gun finally and encounter Carrot Top again. Little punk. I raise another flag as my first hour of Psychonauts comes to a close.

Now for some scores out of 10.
Story: 9
I'm really digging Psychonauts' story after the first hour and having never played beyond this, I look forward to going on. I really didn't know what to expect even though I'm relatively familiar with Tim Schafer's work, but looking back it really reminds me of Grim Fandango. Basically you have this crazy concept that the entire plot is based around, and the writers don't try to justify the quirkiness of it, you're just thrust in and you accept it willingly and simply enjoy it. Why do all these kids have psychic powers? Who cares. They just do and they're at a training camp for it. It'd be like asking J.K. Rowling why there are wizards. Anyways, Raz and the other kids are surprisingly fleshed out in such a short time, it's kind of like Bully but with psychic powers.
Graphics and Sound: 10
I don't have any kind of super computer but Psychonauts runs and looks awesome on it. I had a smooth framerate the whole time and it basically felt like I was playing a console game but with dual monitors and Firefox open. The graphics are crisp and there's some great artists being employed at Double Fine Productions. Facial features are super expressive and that leads me to the sound, specifically the voice acting. Simply outstanding in the first hour. The sound effects are perfect and the music fits the game perfectly. My only complaint is the use of the pre-rendered cutscenes, they look a little off and am not really sure why they were necessary.
Gameplay: 9
For being a PC platformer, I was thoroughly impressed. The controls were solid and I have very few complaints. One thing I noticed is that during the mini-game where you have to hit the cardboard cutouts of bad guys, it was sometimes difficult to turn around quickly. Secondly, the game introduced many collection items pretty quickly: cards, eyeballs, arrowheads, chests, and figments off the top of my head. I'm not a huge fan of collection quests or collecting tons of random things that I don't have any idea what their purpose is. Enough complaints though, gameplay was great. Oh yeah, +1 for double jump, -1 for shimmy.
Fun Factor: 9
Like I said in my introduction, not a lot of developers try to do funny games, and even less succeed. Psychonauts succeeds. The dialogue is funny, the situations are funny, and the character design is funny. The game is also fun to play - I have a rather large complaint though: the game is called Psychonauts and I never once got to use a psychic power in the first hour. It seems that if Raz has such strong inherent powers he would be able to whip out some telekinesis or something. Platforming is fun when done right but beyond the humor, the game doesn't really display any more uniqueness. Too bad.
Minutes to Action: 12
Overall: 9
Psychonauts' first hour is a little slow to the action, but hey, at least the opening cutscene is funny, entertaining, features full voice acting, and you don't have to constantly tap a button to continue the story (compare this to Okami's half hour opening cutscene). The characters are engaging, the plot is original, and the art style is top notch. The game has very few flaws except for the ones I listed above, which are few. Psychonaut's first hour is great, I don't know what else to say. I recommend it to everyone, especially fans of the old adventure genre.

Art by junoluver - used with permission.

Game 16: Okami

In a few years, Okami is probably going to be one of those games that gamers call a "work of art" but hardly any of them will actually have played it. Well, I think that's actually happening right now but someday it will be a lot more prevalent. Anyways, for those unaware, Okami is basically a Legend of Zelda game set in feudal Japan with most of your abilities being executed using a calligraphy brush. The Celestial Brush is used by holding R1 (which freezes time and grays the screen) and then moving the thumbstick around while holding down a face button to draw. Offensive slashes can be drawn with a quick, straight stroke, or you can light an enemy on fire by drawing a line from a torch to the baddie. There are a whole bunch of different strokes available by the end of the game, but I'm only interested in the first hour. Do we even get to use the brush early on or should we cross that off our list of fun in favor of something... a whole lot less fun? Time will tell and it's about to start the clock.

I actually wrote this review about two weeks ago, but since I had the opportunity to play and review Portal, this review was delayed a week!

(minutes are in bold)
00 - I select New Game and the hour begins. A girl's voice echoes: "Okami... Okami... Okami...". The story sequence begins right off. Looks like I have to press X to keep it going. The background looks hand drawn and there are cherry blossom petals falling across the screen.

01 - The game is telling me about Kamiki village and its dark secrets.

02 - Turns out an eight-headed dragon is fed a maiden every year! The village even makes a festival out of it.
03 - This intro could really use some voice over narrating. Instead, I'm stuck here reading everything. Even if it was in Japanese it would be much more interesting. Anyways, the story tells me about a white wolf that kept an eye on the village around festival time. The backgrounds are scrolling along with the text, and there's silhouettes of the characters being described. Looks pretty cool.

04 - A village named Nagi tried to fight the white wolf, Shiranui. No luck though as Shiranui was very swift.

05 - Concerning the lack of voice acting again, the words are accompanied instead by a weird, computer generated sounding voice. Almost like something is being read backwards. They did this in the last few Zelda games too (another series that could use some voice acting).

06 - Turns out Nagi's girlfriend was picked to be eaten this year, so Nagi went to confront Orochi, the octo-dragon.

08 - With Nagi unable to put a dent in Orochi, it's Shiranui's chance to confront the demon. The music has a nice harp sounding to it. It sounds appropriate for storytime, but it's been going on for eight minutes now...

09 - We see some of the Celestial Brush in action warding off Orochi, first by creating wind to blow fire back in his face, and then to sprout a tree to stop his advances.

11 - Shiranui and Nagi finally team up to tumble the giant. Shiranui gives him the power of the moon or something and Nagi starts lopping off Orochi's heads with his golden sword.
13 - Shiranui is mortally wounded by Orochi's poison and Nagi carries the wolf back to Kamiki village. The remnants of Orochi behind them, Shiranui "falls asleep."

14 - Wow, the first story scene is over! The music has stopped and there's color! I see for the first time the artistic style this game is going to offer.

15 - Well, one story is over, and another is about to begin it appears. A 100 years have passed since the epic battle and something bad is gonna happen!

16 - Someone is stealing the sword that sealed in Orochi - they pull it out and a giant shadow serpent appears. The thief hightails it out of there as Orochi erupts from his crypt.

17 - Fires ravage the nearby area as the sky darkens. Hey, a loading screen...

18 - We're loading another cutscene. This is a more dramatic one with the music pumped up. We see Shiranui's statue in Kamiki village, protecting the small town from Orochi's evil power. "It is here the real story begins." I hope.

19 - A woman in a leaf bikini appears - Wood Sprite Sakuya the game informs me.
20 - She throws a shield at the statue of Shiranui, causing the statue to come alive and become the white wolf! Shiranui no more though, this is Okami Amaterasu. The mother and origin of all that is.

21 - Amaterasu seems bored with Sakuya's speech. Join the club.

22 - I get a backview of Sakuya... she's got a plumber's crack in that dress! And the designers bestowed upon her Dead or Alive style physics.

23 - A little bug pops out of Sakuya's cleavage. It's Issun the wandering artists.

25 - Amaterasu pops Issun in her mouth, but unfortunately, Issun escapes and calls me furball. It should be mentioned now that you can not speed up the text at all, you always have to wait for it to slowly appear on the screen. I might only be at the 15 minute mark right now if I could do that.

27 - Sakuya morphs into a big tree with some fruit on it. Supposedly the villager's spirits are kept inside the fruit for whatever reason.
28 - OH MY! I finally get control! I guide Amaterasu inside the tree.

29 - I arrive inside another world. I can move around, but my actions are limited to basically jumping, dashing, and barking. Issun teaches me about saving, but no need for that in the first hour I think. It should be noted that I can kind of fast-forward through text now. Something that should have been available from the start.

31 - I bust open some pots with my head and collect Yen. Then I learn how to wall jump. I'd better learn how to double jump soon!

32 - Issun teaches me a little about using the brush. There's a broken bridge and he magically repairs it with ink! Kind of cool! This power if called Rejuvination, there are 13 brush strokes in all, one for each brush god.

34 - We look into the sky and see a constellation, but it's missing a star! I get to draw the missing star by holding R1 and pressing Square where the star should be.
35 - A giant white serpent (only one head) appears. It's Yomigami, and he suffers from slow text too! Yomigami is the god of restoration. I have to seek out and reunite all the brush techniques to renew the flow of stardust... That's an odd mission.

37 - Amaterasu herself receives the power of restoration, time to use it! I scribble over some water and create a sort of liquid bridge over the cosmos below, cool! Oh, it's a river of stardust. Issun is impressed.

39 - After slowly crossing the bridge, I get an Astral Pouch. It stores food and will resurrect me if I die. But first I have to "feed" it and fill it up. I collect some fruit in the area.

40 - I enter through another shining door and into a new area. It's still perpetual night, but I'm climbing a grassy hill with Japanese architecture littered across it.
41 - As I hold forward on the joystick, Amaterasu begins speeding up! There seems to be no other way to run except to keep running and eventually you'll go faster. Neat gameplay aspect.

43 - I enter a large cave and right in the middle is a big old statue of Nagi. And when I say big, this thing looks Statue of Liberty big! He's even holding up a broken sword like a torch.

44 - If it wasn't obvious what to do already, Issun chimes in: I have to restore Nagi's broken sword with my brush power. I draw a bunch of sort of straight lines and his sword returns (where did this matter appear from?).

45 - Another constellation appears above Nagi in the open air. It looks like a little mouse... well, it's some sort of rodent, Tachigami. This thing could actually be like a pikachu or something.
47 - I received the power slash technique, basically a sword but wielded by my brush strokes! I slice a boulder in two. Issun finally realizes that Amaterasu is Shiranui reborn and decides to tag along for the long haul. Lucky me...

48 - Now I have to head out the way I came. There's a big orange arrow right in my face showing me the way. Why not just teleport me out of here!?

49 - Oh snap, some bad guys! I beat them up using the shield thingy on my back and my power slash.

50 - The orange arrow continues to beckon. Objects are popping in and out of view pretty quickly, sometimes it's a little distracting. Oh, another battle.
53 - I finally make it out of the stardust land, now to use my power slash on the fruit from the tree. The fruit falls and causes the whole area to blossom and green up! It's a really cool affect watching the village become alive again as grass grows, trees sprout up, and water rushes into the river.

54 - Issun makes a lewd comment about hanging out with Sakuya more, and then mentions it's time to head into the village.

55 - Too bad all the villagers have turned to stone! The game presents an orange arrow pointing toward high ground so I can get a better look at the trouble.

57 - We start into the dark sky and Issun mentions that we should draw a sun in the sky, simply by drawing a circle in the air. Preposterous! Well, I try it anyway and it works. A Japanesey sun appears in the sky lighting the area. The villagers have awoken!
58 - An old guy (Mr. Orange) appears behind me with playful music playing. He's a village elder and really, really old. Seems like he recognizes Amaterasu...

60 - As Mr. Orange blabbers on, some monsters appear! I guess this is my final minute boss? Well, they go down easy and as a reward I get Praise. Praise is like a reward from your followers, makes sense. Issun tells me he's going to show me around the village, but time's up! And my epic adventure was just starting to begin... I think.

Now for some scores out of 10.
Story: 6
Okami's story is so well developed in the first hour, it barely leaves room for anything else! Literally half of the entire hour is devoted to story time. The whole back-story seems pretty interesting and Japanesey: you have a giant, eight-headed dragon taking a maiden from a village every year until finally a white wolf and a local swordsman stand up to the monster and slay him. The problem is, after the back-story is completed, it seems like we are about to reenact the whole thing all over again, this time 100 years later. Some guy steals the legendary sword, awaking the eight-headed dragon and causing the white wolf to reappear. This is both good and bad as I think it would be really cool to kill off a giant serpent like Orochi, but at the same time, I just watched a half hour slideshow of the game doing it for me! I can't say that the first hour of Okami leaves me with a lot of confidence for the story, but if you're into Japanese culture and history, it will definitely intrigue you.
Graphics and Sound: 9
The game is beautiful. I've probably said that a few times in my reviews already, but seriously, this game looks great! The art style is so wonderfully charming and very true to the original art it is modeled after. And I can say this after only playing an hour (half hour of real gameplay) and seeing very limited environments. The music fits the mood, soft flutes and some drums to accompany the story, I didn't really notice anything noteworthy while actually playing. The sound effects work for the game, nothing special, though the "voices" are kind of annoying. But Okami's graphics are just perfect and goes to show you don't need next-gen to have a beautiful game. There are some clipping problems and the lack of even a widescreen option is somewhat disappointing.
Gameplay: 3
Maybe if I would have actually been able to play the game, this score would have been higher, but half an hour of tapping X doesn't really lend to a great gameplay score. The opening really could have used some voice acting too. And like I said above, even if the narrator was Japanese, it would have been exponentially more interesting. Instead we just hear some weird squawking and the clicking of my controller. My perfect opening would have been a Japanese storyteller with the words appearing across the screen without my interaction. Then I could have concentrated more on the actual story being told instead of my great annoyance at the pokiness of it all. Anyways, that's the first half hour, the second half hour actually features real gameplay using more than one button. Running around is all very Zelda-like and almost feels like a direct rip-off (wolf and all, but that's probably more of a coincidence than anything) at times, until you get to use the Celestial Brush! This weapon/tool feels so much more natural than anything a 3D Zelda ever threw at us and it's cool too! Freezing time and slicing up bad guys is fun! I just wish I had gotten a few more moves in the first hour but that's okay, the game is obviously moving at a pretty slow pace. The Celestial Brush itself pretty much earns the game 3 points in this category.
Fun Factor: 2
"This game is not fun. The first hour moves really slow. But it looks gorgeous." There's my Okami haiku, I counted hour as one syllable and gorgeous as two syllables, guess it depends on your accent. It's also a little blunt but it's time to lay it down straight. It is incredibly obnoxious to sit there and stare at the screen for 30 minutes waiting for something to happen. I was so happy when I was finally able to do something I just about soiled my Okami underwear. The text moves slow, the game feels generic (until you get the brush), and there really aren't even any colors until you get past the story section. Okami is a story driven game but usually along with a story you get interesting characters, not here. Amaterasu doesn't do much and Issun the bug is just plain Navi-annoying. Not much fun here in the first hour.
Minutes to Action: 29
Overall: 2
Okami's first hour is probably not what you hoped for, but if it is, you are a masochist and probably imagine everyone talking in slow text bubbles as you press X on a PS2 controller tattooed on your arm. My minutes to action time of 29 is probably generous too because the first "action" consists of me using the thumbstick for the first time. I'd say the real action starts at the 49 minute mark (20 minutes later) when you finally get to fight some enemies and use your Celestial Brush offensively. But the minutes to action time is highly subjective game to game and once it gets past 10 minutes it doesn't matter too much (game designers read: you have gone on far too long at this point). The intro really ruined the first hour of Okami for me and really held the game back from exploring what gamers are interested: fun gameplay and using the brush's powers. I know they have a grand story to tell but there are other ways to tell it instead of in a giant block right after you press start. Disappointing. But the graphics are great, not sure how much they could even improve on the newer systems, though there are persistent rumors that Okami will be released on the Wii which seems like a perfect fit. (At the time I wrote this, Okami Wii was just a rumor, now it's really coming!) Time will tell, but Okami's first hour is up.

me: just finished the first hour of okami
friend: zzzzzzzz
me: exactly
friend: I stopped playing it after my first hour

Game 8: Bully

Bully was Rockstar's big release last year on the PS2, and thus a big target for ignorant attorneys and retailers (it was also a hot topic overseas but people generally realized it wasn't that bad of a game). Beyond all the controversy, however, let's look at the core of the game: you're a misfit kid who's just been sent to boarding school, and you're meaning to come out on top. Bully provides gamers a sandbox school and city environment, fully interactive and fleshed out, utilizing the now classic (albeit aging) Grand Theft Auto III gameplay engine. Bully focuses less on destruction and bloody violence, and more on comical violence and something almost everyone can identify with: growing up and going to school. Does Rockstar pull it off? That's for someone else to answer. Does Rockstar pull off the first hour of Bully? That's for me to answer.

(minutes are in bold)
00 - Bully opens up with young teenager, Jimmy, lounging in the back seat of a car (no seatbelt! that must be why all the parent groups hate this game). He's arguing with his mom and new step-father, and we find out Jimmy is going to boarding school so they can take a year long honeymoon cruise. Ouch. We see a shot montage of what must be the school we're heading for and the video ends.

02 - Jimmy gets kicked out of the car and a woman walks up, introducing the school as Bullworth Academy. The gates open, and we enter...
03 - As I walk through the courtyard and the main building, there's a few things I notice: fat kids, nerds, bullies, and a hot chick with orange hair. The bullies in particular are taunting me and chasing after me. There's also lots of funny conversation around the school. Bully has established excellent atmosphere already.

04 - A cutscene plays with Jimmy in Dr. Crabblesnitch's office. Crabblesnitch is apparently the headmaster, and he's pretty serious about Jimmy being a good boy when he's at Bullworth. This scene is really showing off the game's engine; most notable are the character's animations and face's, they look pretty good for being a PS2 game. The assistant walks in and she's doing some weird flirting with the doctor.

05 - Chapter I begins, I need to head to the boy's dormitory. Luckily there's a convenient radar in the corner that points me in the right direction. I press Select and check out the "World Map." The school's land is highlighted and probably takes up about a quarter of the total map. Not as big as San Andreas, but definitely appropriate for the concept.

06 - As I saunter up to the dorm, I'm confronted by a crew of white-shirted bullies. Time for the game to teach me how to fight! It seems simple enough: block, punch, grab, throw-down, kick-them-while-they're-down. It's not non-violent, but it's not bloody or cringe-worthy. Perfect for this game. There's also a humiliation "fatality" type move that you can use while their health is low. This time I grab the bully's wrists and make him slap himself. Good stuff.
07 - After I take out the mean kids, a huge line-backer looking guy suddenly runs at me and takes me out. Someone who looks old enough to be a teacher yells at the "kid" to get off of me.

08 - Jimmy walks into the dorm and a cutscene begins. A creepy kid talks with me for a while and offers to be my friend. I don't need friends, I'm Jimmy Hopkins!

09 - The kid starts giving me a tour of the dorm, I can drink soda to restore health. If only. I change into my school uniform and a weak looking kid (Pete) walks in.

10 - The creepy guy, Gary, picks on the weakling Pete and tries to goad Jimmy into choosing sides. Gary calls Pete a femboy. Don't blame Pete's pink sweatshirt though.

11 - I pick up a rubber band! Number 1 of 75!

12 - I beat up a nerd in the hallway and a few other nerds try to gang up on me, not a chance!
13 - I head across the yard to the girl's dormitory! A trespassing notice appears on my screen, guess I'm not welcome here, but that's all the more invitation. I run around making girls scream and eventually pull the fire alarm. Everyone runs out in the chaos! I'll be back later for a panty raid...

14 - I start my first mission: "This is your school"!

15 - I explore the school's main building with Gary, he teaches me how to make peace with bullies by giving him money... Jimmy don't like that!

16 - I get revenge my breaking into the bully's locker and stealing a cap! Thanks! However, a prefect sees me and I have to hide in the trash to escape.

17 - Gary tells me to mess with the fat girl, Eunice. But her chocolate has been stolen, a mission within a mission reveals itself!

18 - I get the chocolate back from a pimply kid, and return it to Eunice. She rewards me with a make out session! WTF?
19 - I follow Gary into the cafeteria, and Gary introduces me to the cliques of the school. We have the nerds, preps, greasers, and jocks. Pretty generic, but I think this will work great for the game.

20 - A clock appears in the corner and the game tells me I have to go to class! Do I have to? Time to go to Chemistry I guess!

21 - Chemistry 101! The class is presented as a mini-game, this one in particular is based off of PaRappa the Rapper (or UmJammer Lammy, if you prefer)! For those unfamiliar with these classic PSX games, buttons scroll across the screen and you have to enter them as they cross a box (so you press the X button when the X button picture crosses the middle of the screen). Since I'm an experienced riff-master, I ace the class. As a reward, I get some firecrackers! Awesome!

22 - I head out to the halls and start tossing firecrackers, huge explosions, very dangerous. Time to start the next mission, "The Setup." A