Game 41: Ninja Gaiden and Ninja Gaiden

Ninja Gaiden and Ninja Gaiden are NES and Xbox games with the exact same name. Ninja Gaiden for the NES came out in 1989 and Ninja Gaiden for the Xbox came out in 2004. I'm not sure why Tecmo and lead designer Itagaki didn't give the Xbox Ninja Gaiden game a subtitle, but it's too late to wonder, because there are officially two games under the name of Ninja Gaiden, just released 15 years apart. In first hour tradition, I will be only playing Ninja Gaiden for one hour, but because they are named exactly the same, I will first play half an hour of Ninja Gaiden for the NES, and then half an hour on the Xbox. This will complicate the review a bit, but I'll try to always make is clear what game I'm talking about.

This is an exciting time for the Ninja Gaiden series, as Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword was released last month for the DS and Ninja Gaiden II will be out in a few weeks for the Xbox 360. Remember, this is a new Ninja Gaiden II, not Ninja Gaiden II: The Dark Sword of Chaos which was released on the NES in 1990. Yeah, Tecmo does it again. I plan on playing Dragon Sword (not Dark Sword) someday as it sounds pretty cool, but this review is all about the first hour of the two Ninja Gaidens. So let's get right down to it. To start, the first thirty minutes of Ninja Gaiden for the NES.

(minutes are in bold)
00 - Begin Ninja Gaiden NES. I was about to press Start to begin the game, when a story cutscene began! Two ninjas are facing each other in a green field with a giant moon overhead. They begin running at each other with the game just showing their legs moving at high speed.
01 - They jump and meet in the air in front of the moon! Their swords clash and they both land on their feet. In classic movie fashion though, the ninja wearing pink then stumbles to the ground. Some text appears wondering why he fought and died, must be the main character, Ryu, speaking.

02 - A young man is on screen now, he looks young but he's got huge, muscular arms. He's reading a letter from his father. He tells Ryu to take the family's Dragon sword and go to America to meet an archaeologist named Walter Smith. "Ryu, be always brave..." "I will get my revenge!" Pretty epic!

03 - I press Start and the real gameplay of Ninja Gaiden begins. Act one. The game starts right off with Ryu in the streets. A is jump and B is sword slash.
04 - Enemies explode in one slash of my sword! There's some kind of ninja dog running around being annoying. Lame pup. Ryu can't double jump. Isn't it ninja law that all ninjas must learn how to double jump before anything else?

05 - There's an enemy above me and I have no idea how to get to him. Oh sweet I just jumped and attached myself to a street sign! Wow cool you can jump off of walls, this has to be one of the first games to ever allow that.

06 - I picked up some sort of power-up that when I jump I do a cool ninja swirl with my sword that protects myself.
07 - I have reached the first boss. I was fooling around so much in the first stage that my time almost ran out! It was actually really fun to hop around and jump off of buildings.

08 - Well, that guy really wasn't that hard. He was pretty tall though so I had to jump off the wall Chun-Li style to get over his head. He was really slow though so I just slashed him in the back a lot.

09 - A cutscene, our ninja thinks these thugs are following him. How could street bums be following a ninja?

10 - A "girl" appears behind him. She has a gun! She shot Ryu! And thus Act 2 begins.
11 - More cutscenes, Ryu is in jail now but the woman appears and gives him a statue and lets him escape. Odd. Ryu asks, "didn't you try to kill me?" Good question.

12 - I regain control and I'm now in some underground cave. Probably some evil overlord's lair.

13 - Ugh, the platforming is getting tougher now with small little areas to land on and anti-ninja bats flying all over. I fall in a pit. The level restarts.

14 - Man, there's like unlimited of these annoying ninja dogs. What the heck? I had to wall jump up a ladder to get to the next area above me, but then I wall jumped off and fell to where I should have been before and died. Lame!
15 - OH. You can climb the ladder like a normal video game character. Nice. The game was kind enough to let me off where I died just now.

16 - Sweet, you can throw shurikens by pressing up and B at the same time after you collect some.

17 - Oh no I died again! Game Over! Back to the beginning of Stage 2. Dang, a ninja dog just knocked me into a pit.

18 - Ryu just attached himself to a wall that I had no choice but to jump into the abyss. Game Over again.
19 - You can pick up a flaming shuriken that makes enemies explode. That's pretty cool.

20 - Woah, I finally made it outside the cave lair. Backgrounds look pretty good honestly. What the heck... there's like ghosts and dragonflies out here trying to kill me. Well, the dragonflies are for collecting stuff but there's bad men with machine guns!

21 - I made it to the end of the level and it looked like there was no where to go, so I went the only place I thought I could. Down. Died.
22 - Oh, you're supposed to climb a ladder down, not just jump. I got a sweet power-up though that put a ring of fire around me, so I was jumping from small pillar to small pillar killing guys instantly. But the invincibility ran out the moment I hit a guy with a sword and he knocked me into a pit, killing me.

24 - Game over but the game started me outside again, not bad. I got my vengeance on the sword wielding edge hogger with my awesome ring of fire.

27 - Man, this is such a hardcore platformer. There's this small little pillar I have to jump to and a guy is standing on it! Get off!

28 - Well, I finally got past him and got killed by the next guy. What's the point of 15 life points when you always die from falling off?
29 - This game wouldn't be nearly as hard if you didn't always jump fall back three feet after being hit.

30 - Begin Ninja Gaiden Xbox. Okay, that's enough of the original Ninja Gaiden! I admit, I suck at it! Now onto the new Xbox version! I select New Game and the game starts telling me about the "evil Dark Dragon Blade" and a really ugly full of jaggies sword appears. What the... this is nasty looking. The guy keeps talking to me in Japanese as I try to keep up with the subtitles. Whoever uses the sword will become evil.

31 - Oh, now the Dragon Sword appears, as opposed to the Dragon Blade I guess? This sword too is also made up of graphical jaggies. The Dragon Sword is owned by the Hayabusa family. A ninja appears in the background, it's Ryu!
32 - A wall of text appears, it is the Book of Fiends. This serves as the loading screen but the reading is pretty boring. Ancient tribes have struggled for thousands of generations. You know how long thousands of generations is? That's like a minimum of 20,000 years. That's a really long time. Still loading.

33 - More text appears, wait, it's the same stuff from before. Oh, the loading is finally done. Chapter 1 - The Way of the Ninja. Ryu jumps from the top of a waterfall and slices a brown-clad ninja in half. Sweet.

34 - Some woman is looking down on my from the cliffs, and then I get control. The gameplay is really smooth, feels like Assassin's Creed. Woah, the right thumbstick does not control the camera, just zooms me into Ryu's view. That's going to be annoying.
35 - Something got thrown against the cliff wall... it's a in-game hint! Must be from that girl ninja. The hint is about climbing walls, seems to work just like Assassin's Creed and Prince of Persia.

36 - Ryu doesn't open chests with his hands, he kicks them open with his big, black boot. I receive an Elixir of Spiritual Life. Some vines are blocking my apparent path but Ryu's ultra-sharp katana can't cut them down. Lame.

37 - Not sure where to go...

38 - I find a locked door, no dice though.
39 - Oh, I have to climb a fallen tree that's laying over the vines I mentioned before.

40 - My first kills! I kick one brown ninja off the cliff and impale another with my dragon sword. Game is kind of bloody, but the blood doesn't stick around.

41 - I wall jump into a cave and then more brown ninjas appear. I kill them easily.

42 - I have just wall jumped into a building complex. It is the Ninja Fortress! Oh neat, I can throw shurikens, just like in the original.
43 - I get a map of the fortress and check it out, seems confusing. Don't think I'll bother with this much. Why is it angled? That's just annoying.

45 - I just fought about ten brown ninjas in a small, locked room. Is there a block button in this game?

46 - Apparently block is the L button. I discover a suit of samurai armor in a corner, but it is missing its mask. I probably need to find that.

47 - A ton more browns appear, when a ninja dies, its soul is transformed into a small yellow ball. What a ripoff of Onimusha!
49 - Ooh, white ninjas! These guys jump around like little hamsters. I wall jump myself and finish them off with a well timed slice of my blade. I think my biggest enemy is the camera though, this thing is obnoxious.

50 - Whoops, just fell into a trapdoor. I'm now underground and the anti-ninja bats are back (see minute 13). Some things never change.

51 - I find the Fangs of the Samurai in a chest down there and start to look for a way out, guess I was supposed to fall down here. Just noticed that Ryu does this sweet little flip when he throws shurikens while running.

53 - I'm out of the caves now and back to the Ninja Fortress.
54 - Just racked up a 17 hit combo on some bad ninjas and it restored my health. Nice. You can also jump on the heads of ninjas and it sort of leaves this shadow behind, pretty cool animation. Oh, a save point. Must be a boss up ahead...

56 - I insert the Fangs of the Samurai into the armor and get the Key of Courage. This room I have to keep running through spews new white ninjas every time. Get out of my way, I'm running out of time!

57 - Ryu reaches the Inner Sanctum and I get a hint on how to roll from my purple-clad female friend. I use the Key of Courage on the door.

58 - Oh snaps I just decapitated a white ninja! Awesome! Then another! You can hold Y to charge up a super attack that triggers a hands-off super combo.
59 - A man with long gray hair is sitting on the floor of a large room, he's wielding nunchucks. He stands up and shows off his nunchuck skills by twirling them all over, I'm not impressed. We begin to fight.

60 - Okay, this guy is a bastard. I have to use all of my healing potions to beat him but I eventually do by jumping off the walls onto his head. He was blocking everything else and breaking my block with his nasty combos. After the fight, we bow and then sit down on the floor and chill out! All that work for some tea! A moment later though my ninja friend runs in, it is Ayane from Dead or Alive! Ryu's village is on fire! Too bad the hour is up for Ninja Gaiden.

Time for some scores out of 10.
Story: NES - 7 and Xbox - 3
Definitely more story than I was expecting from a half hour of an old NES game! Ninja Gaiden (NES) sets up as a revenge story that really reminds me of Shenmue. Except Ryu Hayabusa became a ninja and Ryo Hazuki just asks for sailors. Becoming a ninja is awesome. Let's take a quick look at the opening scene with the ninjas in the grassy field. This was directed incredibly well for what is basically a 20 year old game. Nice backdrop with the moon and impressive close ups of our two opposing ninjas.

And definitely less story than I was expecting from a half hour of a modern Xbox game! The game starts off with a bunch of cryptic descriptions on Dragon Blades and Dragon Swords and then tosses a giant wall of text at me about Ancient Tribes. None of it seems to fit together. After that, there's not a drop of story until the very end of the half hour when Ayane runs in and announces the village I've never seen is on fire (what, is this an RPG?).

Graphics and Sound: NES - 6 and Xbox - 9
After the impressive opening cutscene, Ninja Gaiden on the NES quickly reminded me I was playing an 8-bit game. The graphics were sharp but the colors just seemed washed out. It looked great at the time but I can't hold it up against its peers infinitely. I believe the most impressive thing about the game's graphics were the backgrounds. They were well detailed and propped the game up a bit graphically. Ninja Gaiden's sound was pretty basic and there wasn't much outside the music.

The Xbox Ninja Gaiden looks really awesome, the graphics are gorgeous and the framerate is nice and slick. Definitely no major complaints, but that obviously means I have a minor one. I feel like the game is almost too sharp, I think it could have used some filters to soften some things up. Oh, and the blood and bad guys shouldn't disappear so fast! I want to see the marvels of my awesome swordplay!

Gameplay: NES - 6 and Xbox - 8
Ninja Gaiden (NES) has precise, but difficult gameplay. This is a tough platformer and I was really surprised that after I got Game Overs, I was restarted pretty close to where I had lost my final life. This is a great bonus as it encouraged me to keep trying without getting too frustrated. Many games these days aren't as kind! The controls are obviously simple on the NES, but we get the nice little bonus of throwing shurikens. If only you could throw them at an angle.

Well, you can throw shurikens at an angle in Ninja Gaiden on the Xbox, and it's pretty cool too! Actually, the fighting is pretty great in the 3D action-adventure game, the hardest part is dealing with the camera. It just never did what I wanted it to do and I had a hard time keeping track of more than one or two enemies. Either way, cameras are never an easy thing to develop properly, especially when you have such a fast-paced game. Leaping around is very smooth and decapitating ninjas never grows old.

Fun Factor: NES - 7 and Xbox - 8
Though Ninja Gaiden for the NES is tough, it was actually pretty fun. The story was actually decently interesting even if it was pretty derivative. I really thought I was going to get owned left or right while playing but the first half hour must be tame compared to the rest of the game. The game had a few headache inducing moments but hard games can really be fun if they're still rewarding and not totally unfair.

The Xbox Ninja Gaiden is not as frustrating as the NES game, but it is still really challenging. I suppose in this game you get health potions instead of nicely placed checkpoints, but you get ganged up quite quickly and must fend off multiple enemies. This is totally different than a platformer and you must have your finger ready on the block button if you want to be successful. The boss just seemed unfair though, he was whooping on me and my health bar like there was no tomorrow, and I only beat him because I was being cheap. I feel dirty.

Minutes to Action: NES - 3 and Xbox - 5

Overall: NES - 7 and Xbox - 8
Yes, I am awarding nearly identical scores to the first half hour of both Ninja Gaiden games. Some of you may be thinking, how could you possibly award a 15 year old game only one point less than its modern day counterpart? Well, that's a good question and I will answer it: the games were obviously released in totally different video game eras. And they're each good, above average games when compared against their peers. Remember, this is just the first half hour of each game, which is even less than what I normally play! Both games are fun though, but surprisingly the NES version has a better story! The Xbox Ninja Gaiden just throws a block of text at you that really doesn't seem applicable to what I was then playing. Though it does seem kind of weird that the NES game's story hinges on finding some random American. Graphically, the Xbox version is near the top of its game. Both games get good scores, and I would recommend trying them both out! If only to get owned in both 2D and 3D.

Ninja Gaiden galore! I think that's enough of Ryu Hayabusa for a while. And ninjas, geez, I just realized I did Pocky & Rocky last week which featured a female ninja.

Wow.

Game 39: Another World

Another World (Out of this World) is a cinematic platformer released on just about every system back in 1991. Now the phrase, "cinematic platformer" gives me shivers because of its sheer potential of awfulness. When I hear those words I think of terrible gameplay and ugly, "realistic" looking graphics. The games are typically rotoscoped to give them a unique graphical style, which usually doesn't bother me, it's more the style of gameplay that makes me experience nasty flashes of nostalgia. If you've ever played the original Prince of Persia games, you'll know what I'm talking about.

Another World is known as Out of this World in the United States. Much like Indigo Prophecy/Fahrenheit, the game is renamed for some stupid reason that leaves people confused and wondering whether the stone is the sorcerer's or the philosopher's. Either way, the game supposedly influenced Fumito Ueda, who went on to create Ico and Shadow of the Colossus. So at least this game was good for something, but let's check out the first hour of Out of this World to see if it can properly defend itself and (in my opinion) the thankfully lacking genre known as the cinematic platformer.

I'll be playing the 15th Anniversary Edition for the PC released in 2006. The game features higher resolution graphics and more detailed backgrounds.

(minutes are in bold)
00 - I select New Game and the first hour of Another World begins. We're looking at a lonely building under the night sky. Suddenly a car screeches to a halt in front of it. A man gets out of the vehicle and enters the building. An elevator door opens and our orange haired driver steps out.
01 - He types in a code on a keypad and gets scanned. All his vitals match and the computer types out, "Good evening professor." It even knows what car I drove here from the key I'm holding.

02 - The professor is sitting at a workstation now and enters CDOS. He types in the command, "Run Project 23."

03 - He's running a particle acceleration experiment.
04 - Once that is complete he starts a practical trial, pops a soda and watches the fireworks. Literally! A storm outside shot a bolt of lightning into the cyclotron, opening up a portal on the professor! Him and his entire desk is gone!

06 - Woah, the professor landed in a deep pool of water and it was almost too late before I realized I had to swim him up and out of the water! At the last moment it looked like tentacles were reaching out to me. As I crawl out of the pool, a strange creature runs away.

07 - Well, for better or worse I now have total control. I walk right, kicking slugs along the way. One falls on me and stings me! I fall dead! Wow, that was fast!
08 - I crawl out of the pool again... a moment later I'm dead from another slug!

09 - Well what the frak? (Battlestar Galactica is back by the way!) The giant monster that was watching me climb out of the pool just pounced on me and killed me! How was I supposed to fend that guy off?

10 - Stupid slugs.

11 - Well, I figured out how to run so this time I run from the monster, but when I enter that screen again I immediately get killed. This is going to take a lot of trial and error I believe. Man, I wish I could just run over these slugs.
12 - Okay, the monster follows me from screen to screen, looks like I'll have to run and jump over the slugs and get back to the pool? No idea.

13 - Ugh, I got away and the monster tripped, so I became lazy and stopped. Bad idea, I was dead a moment later.

15 - WOW! Epic! I ran all the way to the left from the monster, jumped off a cliff, swung from a vine to the other side of the brute, ran all the way back to the right, and then the beast got blown away by some guys cloaked in black! Then they shot at me! Now I'm hanging in a tiny cage with some ugly looking dude.
16 - I actually have control so I start swinging the cage back and forth using my momentum. Ha, owned! We land the cage on a guard's head and take off running.

18 - Whoops, I got shot. Now I have to do the cage sequence again. This time I notice that the guard dropped his gun and I grab it. Awesome!

19 - Ugh, I got shot in the back. No idea where that guard came from. Cage sequence again.

21 - You can make a shield with your gun. And that's exactly what an enemy just did. This is tough!
23 - I finally make it past the shooting sequence and we hop on a lift and head down... Oh, by the way, the guy who I was in the cage with is chilling out with me. Luckily I can't shoot him!

25 - Dang, I get shot. This time I head up on the lift, nope. Dead end. We head all the way to the bottom of the lift and I shoot a guard in the back. Nice. There's some flashy thing on the wall so I shoot it, I think it shorted something out.

27 - Man, this game is brutal with replaying sequences!

28 - Odd, I just fell down a hole and now I'm rolling around. Geez, I keep dying brutal deaths in here, nasty! Falling too far isn't a big deal for most video game heroes! I think I keep getting killed by water rushing down on me. This is really weird.
31 - Well, I finally made it out and into some force field room. As I enter the force field my hair stands on end and I get zapped! I didn't die though so it must have triggered something...

32 - As I head outside and kill a guard, my buddy runs by in the foreground and is being chased by three guards! Cool! Hahaha! I just got impaled by a spike when I failed to jump a ledge!

34 - I've been impaled two more times... I am able to jump down to a ledge further down but I have no where to go. Hmm...

37 - This is getting really annoying. I wish I knew what that force field area did. The game keeps returning me right there after I die.
40 - Oh, I was supposed to shoot the wall with my powered up gun. Oh. Wow, the backgrounds in this cave are beautiful!

41 - As I head further right I can hear water running. Geez, it's like a waterfall in here! I try to walk on the platform, and well, that doesn't work.

42 - I head up some stairs out of the cave and am on the other side of that massive jump. All right! Well, another waterfall room. Doesn't look like I'm supposed to be going this way. Deeper into the cave I guess.

43 - Oh man... I'm in the room underneath the pool of water that the waterfall rushes into. I am so tempted to blow away the small piece of rock holding it all up. Okay, I'm going to do it. Haha, I died immediately. But it looks like I might have been able to run away?
45 - Well, you can run away, but I'm not doing a very good job at it. Honestly I don't even know why I would want to do this in the first place?

46 - Okay, that was funny. I made it over a jump and watched the water rush into the pit. Then I just stood there, all of a sudden the whole cave below me must have filled up because the water was rushing up right at me a moment later! Awesome!

50 - I'm starting to wonder if that water sequence was just a red herring as I found another part of the cave where it seems you might be able to proceed differently. But there are a bunch of rocks falling on my head and I keep getting squashed!

51 - I somehow time the rocks amazingly well only to get squished immediately on the next screen.
53 - Phew, I've made it past the falling rocks, but now there are many eating tentacle monsters trying to get me!

54 - Man, these guys are really bastards. You have to time all these lame jumps perfectly well and since this is a "cinematic platformer" you also have to deal with all the crappiness that goes with that!

57 - If I make it past the tentacles I just fall in the pits anyway. Grr...
58 - I'm going to have nightmares of these tentacle monsters eating me.

59 - Finally, I have made it to a room with no tentacles and no pits! Too bad it's empty and there's no where to go.

60 - Yeah, that's a great place to stop. In an empty room.

Now for some scores out of 10.
Story: 6
Another World's story was intentionally left vague, so I kind of have to wrap my own details around what I'm playing. Personally, if I got teleported to an alien world where I was getting shot at, chased around by giant man-eating beasts, and getting devoured by tentacle beings, I would be pretty freaked out. The guy in this game (Lester, can't actually figure that out from the game as far as I can tell) is holding his composure pretty well. I think the most interesting aspect about the game is not Lester being transported to "another world," but his immediate friendship with his fellow cage-mate. I wish the game would have paired us up together a little longer in its first hour, but it redeemed itself about half way through when I saw him running in the foreground. I was reminded that we're both unwelcome in this land and if we're going to get out, it's going to be together.

Graphics and Sound: 7
The 15th Anniversary Edition of Another World brings a remarkable graphical improvement over the game's original release. In my opinion, the game looks so much better and is even pretty passable as a 2D platformer. The backgrounds have evolved the most, and benefit greatly from the higher resolutions, but the characters are also a bit smoother. The animations haven't changed as far as I can tell though, but that's more of a gameplay issue, which I'll get to next. Another World is light on sound effects but the music I heard in its first hour was excellent.

Gameplay: 4
I guess the thing with cinematic platformers is that you either love them, hate them, or have never even imagined such an atrocity of a sub-genre. Because of the way the animations are recorded and rotoscoped, you can't take tiny little baby steps because the game has specific step lengths already programmed in. This is most frustrating when running and jumping, because you really have to plan your jumps far in advance and if you started your running animation at the wrong point, you will probably fail at your jump.

As you can tell, I'm not really fond of these types of games, and I was honestly starting to get into Another World. That is, until I realized the game was obsessed with trial and error and making me replay sequences over and over again. There are plenty of checkpoints, but they're generally placed directly before time-sucking scenes so you waste a lot of time just doing the same thing over and over again. I bet you could beat this game in less than an hour, probably far less than that, but first time gamers will be frustrated. I do think that if you're good at this game you'll have fun and blaze through it in a short afternoon.

Fun Factor: 6
Though I rip on Another World's gameplay pretty harshly, there are some incredibly awesome sequences that when you pull them off, you'll pump your fist in the air and come away with a big smile on your face. Of course, these all come after many attempts and lots of time trying to figure out exactly what to do. It is satisfying moving on from a level knowing you've figured out the game's behind-the-scenes puzzles, but it's not all fun and laughter.

Minutes to Action: 6

Overall: 6
In my opinion, Another World's first hour suffers most from the genre it was developed for. Cinematic platformers probably sound great on paper as you get realistic looking animations, but the gameplay usually suffers from being unnatural and just not fluid. I've personally never played one that I really enjoyed, but I think I might actually continue on with Another World. The story is intriguing enough and I think I can put up with the frustrating gameplay to finish it, I'm pretty sure the game isn't too long. I guess that's a good feeling to have when coming out of playing the first hour of a video game. Undoubtedly the most important. To have the will to finish it.

The game's creator, Eric Chahi, has a great site detailing Another World's development from start to finish. I highly recommend it.

Game 37: Bible Adventures

Bible Adventures is an old, unlicensed NES game made by Wisdom Tree. Since it was unlicensed and not approved by Nintendo, they were able to do cool things like have a baby blue colored cartridge and even featured their own Wisdom Tree Seal of Quality on the box. The game is a popular target for "Worst Game of all Time," mostly thanks to Seanbaby, but honestly this game was not that bad. Definitely not even in the bottom 10%. Compare it to other officially licensed crap like Deadly Towers or Bebe's Kids and you actually have a decent game going. Anyways, Bible Adventures features three Bible stories: Baby Moses, David and Goliath, and Noah's Ark told through platformers. They all pretty much play the same, but the Baby Moses game is actually pretty bad.

Since today is the last day of March, the month is supposed to be end like a lamb, which basically means it will be a calm Spring day. Instead, we have a heavy snow warning and are expecting 6-8 inches of slushy snow. Ugh. I reviewed The Lion King at the beginning of the month when March was supposed to come in like a lion (it was a nice day) and Bible Adventures is one of the only games that features sheep in even a small role. The other game I considered was Sheep for the PC but decided to do the more well known Bible Adventures. Well, let's get to the review.

(minutes are in bold)
00 - I select Noah's Ark and the first hour of Bible Adventures begins. A Bible verse appears, with lots of ellipses skipping the unimportant parts. God flooded the world and told Noah to collect two of every creature.
01 - Well, the game has started! I'm playing as a bearded Noah, and I guess I have to collect animals. There's something in front of me... a cat? I'm not really sure.

02 - Nice! I have just hoisted the animal above my head! I don't know what to do with it though. I'm just running along, so far I've also seen a horse and a pig.

03 - Ah, it was a cow! I have collected the female cow and put it in the cave underneath the blinking arrow. A checklist appears detailing all the animals I need. Cows, horses, monkeys, snakes, pigs, and oxen. What the... a monkey just tossed some poop at me or something.
04 - I've stuffed that fecal monkey into the Ark now, so it's all good. Next the female ox.

05 - I pick up something that looks like a tablet and a Proverbs verse has appeared on screen.

06 - Noah is trying to pick up a pig but it's too slippery or something.

07 - I think I dropped a bale of hay on its head to knock it out. The female pig has been delivered.
09 - I was chasing after the other pig, but the horse ran by so I grabbed that! Wow, Noah must be buff to be lifting equine above his head. Plus he has a six foot vertical while carrying animals too. I have all the female animals except the snake. Oh, the male pig! Got it!

10 - For whatever reason, the male cow was chilling out on top of the Ark. How did it get up there?

11 - The male horse has a pink tail, not very manly. Just need the male monkey and ox, and both snakes. There are snakes climbing around the trees but I don't know how to get them. Woah, I can climb trees too!
12 - Haha, I grab the male monkey and he's holding a banana above his head, hilarious!

14 - I have reached the far right wall of the level. Still don't know where the male ox is or how to get the snakes. Birds keep pecking me when I'm climbing the trees. Shouldn't we be bringing the birds too?

16 - Oh, the male ox was just hanging out on the far left, but he head-butted me as I approached! Now for the last two snakes... I just went inside a cave. Not much in here though. I do pick up a tablet, and instead of getting a Bible verse I get a game hint. Pressing up will let me climb. Duh.
17 - Interesting, there's some different snakes over here. I deliver one to the Ark and all I have left is the male snake.

20 - Well, I have successfully delivered all the animals, now Noah is double checking his checklist as I watch all the animals run by. One by one.

21 - Just received a warning, "Get ready to climb those trees." Nah, think I'll try one of the other games. Time for Baby Moses! A long Bible verse appears, Pharaoh has ordered all little baby boys to be killed, but a Levite woman saved her boy by floating him down a river.
22 - The game starts off with me as the woman and a baby right in front of me. Must be Moses! I pick him up.

23 - Wow, this game has mini trampolines that launch me way up high. Good stuff.

24 - I got hit by a spider and the woman chucked Baby Moses into the river! Wasn't that the whole point though?

25 - I'm climbing around some pyramids, but this game is hard! There's soldiers all over hitting me with the spears and throwing stuff at me, and the big eyed spiders! Plus the game doesn't have any invincibility period after you get hit that I can tell, which makes things harder.
26 - Well, the woman and Moses make it to the end of the level. This new level is very purple.

28 - Wow, owned! The woman falls into the water and we die! Baby Moses is down for the count! I get the option to restart, continue, or choose a different game. I think I'll stick with this one for a bit. For kicks I start off the level again by throwing Moses in. Heh. He reappears though.

30 - Some bird just picked me up and lifted me off the ground, but I lost the baby on the way up. Ugh, these jumps are too long to be vaulted very easily.
32 - This freaking bird reminds me of the Sun from Super Mario Bros. 3. Annoying! Lame, I just fell in the water again.

34 - Yay, finally beat the second level. You know what's crazy about this game is that all the enemies interact with the stage just like you do. They jump off the trampolines, fall off ledges into the water, and other crazy, unexpected stuff.

35 - Well, the last level was purple, this one is an ugly yellow gold. The platforming elements have been upped though too. There's this soldier that is horribly placed so that he always knocks you and Baby Moses into the water.
37 - Okay, beat the third level. There are so many enemies on the screen at once, but the game is pretty much just a race to the far right of the level. I think I'm done with Baby Moses.

38 - Time for the game that I came here for: David and Goliath! Another long set of Bible verses, this time talking about David keeping his father's sheep, and when attacked by wild animals, he struck them and rescued the sheep! Sweet!

39 - Oh, right at the bottom it says my objective is to find four sheep and bring them to the corral. Right at the start of the level I have squirrels throwing nuts at me! HAHA! One of the squirrels just knocked out the other one!
40 - David found a sheep, but I'm not sure where to take it yet, guess I'll just keep heading to the right. Woah, a lion just leaped at me!

41 - The lion got knocked out by a squirrel nut so I just picked him up along with my lamb. A big giant, flashing arrow points me to the spot I have to drop the sheep.

43 - These lions are just ignoring me when I'm not hauling around sheep.

45 - A wandering squirrel has just knocked out: my sheep, a lion, and another squirrel. Not only that but my sheep is now in an unreachable position!
46 - Wake up you stupid sheep!

47 - Now there's a goat harassing my sheep. Well, that goat was annoying enough but David rescued his third of fourth sheep.

50 - With all four sheep collected now, I proceed to the next level, which I guess is just David carrying four more sheep to the corral.

51 - Sweet, this level is laid out pretty vertically, but it allowed me to quickly collect and deliver three sheep.
52 - Ugh, my fourth and final sheep is on a small platform with three other head-butting goats. Nothing for me to do but die.

55 - I beat the second sheep level now with David. Now bring on Goliath! Woah, instead of Goliath the game throws scorpions at me! Nasty!

56 - Haha, just delivered all four sheep at once, it was tough though because I was getting mauled by lions and stung by scorpions. The first enemy I see in the next level looks like an anteater.
59 - I have all four sheep but I can't make the last jump up to the corral! Ugh, I just lost two of my sheep and they flung off to who knows where.

60 - All right, I'm sick of this. I wanted to fight Goliath! But that's all the time there is for Bible Adventures for the NES.

Now for some scores out of 10.

Story: 3
The three stories in Bible Adventures are introduced quickly to the player by a screen long summary and then are quickly forgotten about. I have no problem with this as most people playing Bible Adventures are familiar enough with the Old Testament stories of Noah, Moses, and David. There are a few Bible verses scattered throughout the first hour but they don't seem too applicable to the game at hand.

Graphics and Sound: 5
Bible Adventures does not look that bad, but the sound is definitely below average. Graphics wise, the characters are drawn pretty good, but sometimes I had no idea what animal I was dealing with. The animations are good and some of them are actually pretty funny. There are quite a few unique backgrounds but they later just start palette-swapping them with really crazy colors. The music was nothing special and the sound effects could have used a lot of work. Animals should make animal sounds!

Gameplay: 6
The Baby Moses game was pretty awful, but the Noah's Ark and David and Goliath games were definitely tolerable. If anything, Bible Adventures is an absolutely great example of a game where all the characters on the screen are interacting with each other. The squirrels are tossing around nuts that knock out anything that touches them, including other enemies. This is something you don't even see very often these days. It was pretty hilarious watching the characters interact with each other. The game also had no problem placing lots of characters on the screen at once (well, if you don't consider the NES sprite flicker a problem), which made it a tough go sometimes.

Fun Factor: 5
I can't really complain about the fun I had while playing Bible Adventures. It's a simple platformer wrapped in a light religious package. The three games were similar and basic, but they did their job and though it was frustrating at times, I was still smiling. The Baby Moses game was frantic, while the other two were more balanced, though they all became tedious.

Minutes to Action: 1

Overall: 5
I'm giving Bible Adventure's first hour a very average 5. Compared to other NES games at the time, it wasn't that horrible. A lot of people seem to compare it to Super Mario Bros. 2 (U.S.) but besides picking stuff up above your head and running around with it, I don't really see the connections. Either way, Bible Adventures is one of those unique games in video game history and worth checking out if only just to say, "I played Bible Adventures."

Game 33: The Lion King

The Lion King was the video game released to accompany the Disney movie of the same name. Games based on movies were nothing new in 1994, especially Disney tie-ins, but this is actually my first movie game review. It was released on literally every platform available at the time, including three Nintendo (NES, SNES, and Game Boy) systems and three Sega (Master System, Genesis, and Game Gear) systems, undoubtedly a feat unequaled by any other game.

Really the only reason I'm reviewing The Lion King is because of the saying: "March comes in like a lion, out like a lamb." If you're unfamiliar with the adage, it basically means March will open up with bad weather and end calmly with Spring fast approaching. Here in the upper-Midwest though, lots of snow typically begins and ends the month. Where's our lamb? Back to the review though, here's March roaring in, now I have four weeks to find a game about lambs... could be tough. Anyways, let's get right into the first hour of The Lion King (Super Nintendo version).

(minutes are in bold)
00 - I choose Start and The Lion King begins. That meerkat Timon appears and says "It starts." Wow, right into the game! Simba moves pretty quick, he's an aggressive little cat. All I can do though is jump and roar, no slashing... yet.
01 - So I'm just jumping around some rocks right now, Simba can hang off ledges and roar to flip porcupines. Then I can jump on their bare belly to kill them.

02 - Woah, I just roared and exploded a dung beetle! I'm down to half my life already!

03 - I jump on a beetle this time and he flies around for a moment and then explodes. Almost dead... until I find a yellow beetle health item.
04 - Just grabbed a red beetle which extends my life a bit, nice. Then I find a symbol that kind of looks like Simba, he yells "cool" and it flashes, but I can't tell if anything actually happened.

05 - Geez, there is a whole assortment of items I'm finding, one extended my roar bar, and another one... not sure what it did, but it was multi-colored.

06 - Boss! I just defeated one of those hyenas from the movies! He went down in only two hits though. He would pounce at me and then become tired and start panting so I could jump on him. A short cutscene plays with Simba's dad, Mufasa saying, "everything the light touches, is our kingdom." Man, this guy has a big ego.
07 - Oh hey, a minigame. I'm controlling Pumbaa as Timon throws bugs down at me. Against all laws of gravity, some bugs fall really slow while others are quick. I end up eating 36 bugs.

08 - I am now in a level called either "Roar at the Monkeys" or "Can't Wait to be King." Probably the latter. There don't seem to be any enemies in this level, just rhinoceros that spring me into the air, monkeys that throw me around, and giraffes that I can use as temporary platforms.

10 - This is almost kind of a puzzle as I have to roar at the pink monkeys to get them to face a different direction so when they toss me I fly in the correct direction. After that sequence I land on an ostrich and it starts belting across the plains. I have to jump over pigs and duck bird nests, all of a sudden two arrows appear... and I die because I didn't jump high enough, or double jump or something. I only have one life left!
12 - Now I just fell in the water and die again. Crap, no lives left. Hardcore. I'm back on the ostrich now, I can "double jump" by jumping with the ostrich and then jumping again with Simba.

13 - You have got to be kidding me. I double jumped too high when I needed to and hit my head on a bird's nest. Lame. Wow, I used my only remaining continue.

14 - Back on the ostrich and I died on the first jump because I jumped too early. Now I fell in the water again.
15 - Fell in... again. Game Over. The old monkey with the balls hanging off his stick looks sad.

16 - Well, looks like I have to start all over again. I'll be back when I get past that ostrich sequence.

19 - Just "played" the bug toss. Timon screwed me over by tossing bugs at opposite ends. I caught one.

21 - Died on the double jump again.
22 - And again. Did anyone seriously playtest this game?

24 - Holy cow, I made it past the freaking ostrich part. What the heck, that pissed me off so much. How was I supposed to know you had to do your second jump really late. Who knows.

25 - This part seems almost worse. I have to swing around on these hippopotamus tails over some water. This is extremely unforgiving.

26 - Hey, a 1UP. That will come in handy. Meh. Now I have no idea where to jump to next! There are no more tails! And I can see that there is another ostrich sequence after this.
29 - Wow, I had to jump like straight up onto a hippo's head, that was clear. Not. I did collect some kind of sun item though, maybe that's a free continue.

30 - Another ostrich run, and this time I don't have arrows telling me what to do. Somehow I pulled off two double jumps in a row without dying.

31 - Another monkey tossing "puzzle."

33 - In one of gaming's most unclear moments ever, I had to get tossed from the first monkey puzzle to the second, flip a pink monkey switch, then cross back over the water on some water colored logs, then do the puzzle again. Why did the art team paint the logs the same color as the water?
34 - Wow, done with that and straight into the next level, "The Elephant Graveyard." Looks creepy. Good music though.

35 - Woah, something about fighting two hyenas at once seems unfair, but I do it with little health to spare. I just ate a bug that hurt me, seriously guys. Piss me off more.

38 - Now I've got two vultures swooping at me, I don't even know if I can hurt them.

39 - Simba has to out climb two gushing geysers as he claws his way to the top of a vertical tunnel.
41 - Now I'm just outrunning enemies as there's no point to stay and fight except to lose health. This is an unforgiving game. Simba was forced to just face off with three hyenas there though.

42 - As I finish the level we get a look at Scar, Simba's evil uncle. Another bug toss, another screw over served by Timon.

43 - Holy Mode 7 Graphics! Simba is running at the screen with a stampede behind him. I have to anticipate their patterns and speed dodging them. This could be really tough.

44 - Now there are rocks coming at me! So I've got wildebeest behind me and deadly rocks in front of me. Sucky life for Simba.
46 - Oh man, my heart is racing but I beat it. A short cutscene has Mufasa telling a hyena, "kill him." The next level is called "Simba's Exile."

47 - This level is laid out similar to the first level with the same basic enemies, but now there are rocks tumbling down on me too.

48 - Geez, I just got killed in an Indiana Jones style boulder rolling sequence. I seriously don't know how to even handle this part because I'm running from the boulder and there's a porcupine right in front of me and it doesn't look like I can jump.

50 - The moment you get hit by the boulder, you die. It seems you have to get hurt by the porcupine and during your invincibility run through him?
51 - Just tested that theory and it doesn't work. Hey, I just accidentally rolled through what appears to be a hidden passage that led me past that boulder. Odd. But now there's another boulder chasing me, and I die.

54 - Now I can't find that secret passage again. LAME.

57 - Who does this game think it is? How are kids supposed to play this? How is anyone supposed to play this? This part is literally impossible as far as I can tell.
58 - Maybe this boulder is the final boss?

59 - Does roaring at the boulder work? No. Woah, I made it through the rolling passage again. I guess there's this secret rolling technique that the game doesn't feel like explaining.

60 - My final challenge is an impossibly long jump over spikes. I wonder where I have to secretly roll this time? Good riddance to the first hour of The Lion King.

Now for some scores out of 10.
Story: 3
Being a movie based game, The Lion King relies heavily on familiarity with the film to drive the story. There was about 30 seconds of in-game story with everything else being delivered through the levels and their settings. A bad story score doesn't necessarily mean that the story is bad, and I'm actually kind of torn on whether or not I would have wanted more. Honestly, probably not. Most people playing The Lion King have seen the movie and know the basics: Simba is a light-hearted cub, his evil uncle kills his father and drives Simba out so that he can become king. There's more information than you'll get out of the game. Maybe the story is developed more later on, but I doubt it.

Graphics and Sound: 8
The Lion King honestly looks and sounds just like a Disney game should: just like the Disney movie. The music is midi versions of the original soundtrack and are well chosen for the levels I played. We have the carefree "Can't Wait to be King" playing over the enemy-less (but still incredibly hard) level of the same name, and the dark, bass driven Scar themes playing during the later stages I encountered. The sound effects work and there's even a little voice acting with some one-liners. The graphics really shine though, the levels are colorful and the sprites are really well detailed. The animation is superb, my only complaint is the Mode 7 stampede level. In my opinion, Mode 7 graphics were way overused on the Super Nintendo and The Lion King is no exception; the level simply feels out of place among the platformers and really doesn't look that good.

Gameplay: 4
The game may have had Disney artists to provide the sprites and animations, but The Lion King could have used some extra work on the gameplay. A lot of extra work. Pretty much everything I played in its first hour except for the first level was unbalanced, difficult, and dare I say, unfair. Some of the jumps necessary were insane, especially in the second level. It is really not easy to swing from hippopotamus tails to avoid death. The ostrich running sequence astounded me with how difficult and frustrating this could be. I kept thinking that this is supposed to be a kid's game but yet they're punishing me for not getting the timing down perfectly. Plus if you mess up, that's another ten giraffe heads you have to hop around on.

The stampede level didn't bother me too much, though the hit detection was rather poor. The real gameplay killer was the last level I played with the constantly falling boulders and the impossible boulder sequence. It still ticks me off and I've put the game away forever. The Lion King seems only suitable for incredibly patient, perfect memory ten year olds who will put up with have so few lives and even fewer continues. On the bright side, Simba did control pretty well when not jumping over water or being chased by boulders. It really could have been a lot worse and my distant memory of the game made me think it was.

Fun Factor: 3
I did have fun the first level, but after that I really didn't care for the game. The second level was deceptively difficult with the ostrich run and all the small platforms you had to hop around on. Basically this entire game was too hard for its own good and really ruined it for me. I just wanted to have fun and enjoy the levels and characters, but all I really could enjoy were the excellent animations. Disney games should be as fun as the movie they're made for, The Lion King fails at that.

Minutes to Action: 0

Overall: 4
After playing just the first level of The Lion King, I believe I would have given this game a pretty good score, probably around 7 or even 8. But I review the entire first hour, not just the first ten minutes, and the rest of the hour is below average. The gameplay was disappointing and the only thing that saves it from total crap was the really good graphics and sound. I'm sure this won't be my last Disney game review as I have some fond memories of games like DuckTales and Goof Troop. But that's it for my review of The Lion King's first hour. March has come in like a lion all right, I was just dumped on.

Game 28: The Lost Vikings

The Lost Vikings was released in 1992 and was one of Silicon & Synapse's first games. Never heard of them? They are now known as Blizzard Entertainment, the developer of many, many good games that end in Craft. Anyways, The Lost Vikings was released on the Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis, and various other systems throughout the years, and gives gamers nowadays a really interesting look at the early history of Blizzard. The game itself can be described as a puzzle platformer, where you have to use the different abilities of three Vikings to solve puzzles, defeat enemies, and progress through the game's levels. My minute-by-minute update should help describe the game better. I will be playing just the first hour of the Super Nintendo version of The Lost Vikings, so let's get right to it.

In case you're a World of Warcraft veteran, you may recognize the three Vikings: Erik the Swift, Olaf the Stout, and Baleog the Fierce. They all make a cameo appearance in Uldaman, an ancient dwarven complex that serves as a mid-level dungeon. If you play as a Horde character you can even kill them for some unique items!

(minutes are in bold)
00 - I select New Game and the first hour of The Lost Vikings begins. Quick note, what's up with this hip-hop soundtrack? A small, snow-covered village appears and Erik the Swift introduces himself, he can run like the wind and jump high. He's gotta go meet his friends Baleog and Olaf for some hunting.

01 - Erik says goodbye to his Viking wife and kids and runs off. Olaf the Stout comes out of his house, he can block anything with his shield.
02 - And finally Baleog the Fierce appears, he is the toughest of them all.

03 - Our hairy friends run around and show off their skills. It's kind of like a tutorial that I can't play.

04 - After running far enough right, the Vikings arrive back at their village. Small world. Erik foreshadows a bit saying he hopes he never has to leave his village...

05 - Later that night... Oh geez! Our heroes are getting sucked out of their homes by a giant spacecraft! That didn't take long. At least they didn't destroy the village.
06 - I now have control of Erik on the ship. Time to find my friends.

08 - Well that was a simple enough level, the L and R buttons allow me to take control of a different Viking and guide them to the exit. Hey, a password... GR8T.

09 - In the next level I approach a friendly alien who tells me I need to destroy the ship's computer. Erik doesn't believe this is a ship.

11 - Baleog seems the most useful, being able to kill enemies and all. I find some bombs with him and have to locate the place to plant them.

13 - I take an elevator downstairs and plant the bombs, kaboom!
14 - I guide all three Vikings into a gravity lift and shoot the switch, up we go! Ouch, Baleog gets shot twice in the back by a laser, I need to use Olaf to block the shots.

16 - Wow, a lot longer level than I thought, but since you basically have to go through it three times, it seems longer than it is. Password TLPT.

17 - I use Erik's hard noggin to knock out a wall.

18 - I send all three Vikings through a teleporter, these guys are definitely out of their element here. Hey, a door with a red keyhole, I wonder what color key I'll need to open it.
19 - Another alien tells me that someone brought us here to display like animals in a zoo. Creepy, but kind of makes sense.

21 - The next puzzle has me using Erik to jump on Olaf's shield to reach higher heights.

22 - Along with a yellow key I pick up a device that kills every bad guy in the area. The only problem is that I used it way too early... the next area has three laser toting nasties. Whoops. Olaf's shield plus Baleog's bow and arrow should be enough though.

23 - Another level finished, another password: GRND.
25 - Erik's long jump finally comes in handy as I leap over some spinning spikes!

26 - Oh crap, Olaf just got killed! He got thrown from a gravity lift into some nasty electrical current! What if I need him? Oh man, Baleog just died too. And Erik... tough spot.

27 - The game over screen features a Viking ship on fire, pretty sweet actually. I continue and our heroes are sent back to earth via lightning bolts.
30 - I'm replaying the level and back where I was before.

32 - Phew, I made it this time. I had to grab some special anti-gravity boots (or magnetized) and I was able to get past the gravity lifts then with Erik. Turning them off was a snap and then I took our trio into some kind of portal. Hey, is that the Spore logo?

33 - Woah, Mode 7 graphics! Next password is LLM0. Our friends are now in some sort of prehistoric land...
34 - I guess Vikings can't swim... Erik is dead and I can't proceed. I suicide Olaf and Baleog. The enemies here are stronger, take two hits to go down instead of one!

38 - The game is requiring a lot more preparation to fight enemies, basically setting up Olaf to block projectiles, getting Erik out of the way, and shooting them down with Baleog.

40 - After every level the Vikings talk a bit about what just happened, nice little bit of writing to flesh out some shallow characters there. New password is FL0T.

42 - Geez, now instead of dealing with deadly water I have to deal with deadly lava. There's a particularly nasty portion right now where I have to blindly fall and dodge platforms of lava. Evil! Luckily I only have to do it once with Erik.
43 - Next challenge is a rolling blue monster, Olaf to the rescue!

47 - I'm starting to realize that The Lost Vikings is much more of a puzzle game than a platformer. It's definitely requiring more and more strategy as the game progresses.

48 - Next level's password is TRSS.

51 - The next level is pretty big, full of trees and lots of water. This is a predicament considering Erik is the only one that can jump... but I use this to my advantage and have him explore the whole level, including finding the exits. Too bad I need to get all the Vikings there to win.
53 - I find the blue key in the upper right corner and use that on the bridge. I haven't even used Olaf or Baleog yet.

54 - Erik gets killed by a rogue snail shooting spit. You got t