Game 41: Ninja Gaiden and Ninja Gaiden

Ninja Gaiden and Ninja Gaiden are NES and Xbox games with the exact same name. Ninja Gaiden for the NES came out in 1989 and Ninja Gaiden for the Xbox came out in 2004. I'm not sure why Tecmo and lead designer Itagaki didn't give the Xbox Ninja Gaiden game a subtitle, but it's too late to wonder, because there are officially two games under the name of Ninja Gaiden, just released 15 years apart. In first hour tradition, I will be only playing Ninja Gaiden for one hour, but because they are named exactly the same, I will first play half an hour of Ninja Gaiden for the NES, and then half an hour on the Xbox. This will complicate the review a bit, but I'll try to always make is clear what game I'm talking about.

This is an exciting time for the Ninja Gaiden series, as Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword was released last month for the DS and Ninja Gaiden II will be out in a few weeks for the Xbox 360. Remember, this is a new Ninja Gaiden II, not Ninja Gaiden II: The Dark Sword of Chaos which was released on the NES in 1990. Yeah, Tecmo does it again. I plan on playing Dragon Sword (not Dark Sword) someday as it sounds pretty cool, but this review is all about the first hour of the two Ninja Gaidens. So let's get right down to it. To start, the first thirty minutes of Ninja Gaiden for the NES.

(minutes are in bold)
00 - Begin Ninja Gaiden NES. I was about to press Start to begin the game, when a story cutscene began! Two ninjas are facing each other in a green field with a giant moon overhead. They begin running at each other with the game just showing their legs moving at high speed.
01 - They jump and meet in the air in front of the moon! Their swords clash and they both land on their feet. In classic movie fashion though, the ninja wearing pink then stumbles to the ground. Some text appears wondering why he fought and died, must be the main character, Ryu, speaking.

02 - A young man is on screen now, he looks young but he's got huge, muscular arms. He's reading a letter from his father. He tells Ryu to take the family's Dragon sword and go to America to meet an archaeologist named Walter Smith. "Ryu, be always brave..." "I will get my revenge!" Pretty epic!

03 - I press Start and the real gameplay of Ninja Gaiden begins. Act one. The game starts right off with Ryu in the streets. A is jump and B is sword slash.
04 - Enemies explode in one slash of my sword! There's some kind of ninja dog running around being annoying. Lame pup. Ryu can't double jump. Isn't it ninja law that all ninjas must learn how to double jump before anything else?

05 - There's an enemy above me and I have no idea how to get to him. Oh sweet I just jumped and attached myself to a street sign! Wow cool you can jump off of walls, this has to be one of the first games to ever allow that.

06 - I picked up some sort of power-up that when I jump I do a cool ninja swirl with my sword that protects myself.
07 - I have reached the first boss. I was fooling around so much in the first stage that my time almost ran out! It was actually really fun to hop around and jump off of buildings.

08 - Well, that guy really wasn't that hard. He was pretty tall though so I had to jump off the wall Chun-Li style to get over his head. He was really slow though so I just slashed him in the back a lot.

09 - A cutscene, our ninja thinks these thugs are following him. How could street bums be following a ninja?

10 - A "girl" appears behind him. She has a gun! She shot Ryu! And thus Act 2 begins.
11 - More cutscenes, Ryu is in jail now but the woman appears and gives him a statue and lets him escape. Odd. Ryu asks, "didn't you try to kill me?" Good question.

12 - I regain control and I'm now in some underground cave. Probably some evil overlord's lair.

13 - Ugh, the platforming is getting tougher now with small little areas to land on and anti-ninja bats flying all over. I fall in a pit. The level restarts.

14 - Man, there's like unlimited of these annoying ninja dogs. What the heck? I had to wall jump up a ladder to get to the next area above me, but then I wall jumped off and fell to where I should have been before and died. Lame!
15 - OH. You can climb the ladder like a normal video game character. Nice. The game was kind enough to let me off where I died just now.

16 - Sweet, you can throw shurikens by pressing up and B at the same time after you collect some.

17 - Oh no I died again! Game Over! Back to the beginning of Stage 2. Dang, a ninja dog just knocked me into a pit.

18 - Ryu just attached himself to a wall that I had no choice but to jump into the abyss. Game Over again.
19 - You can pick up a flaming shuriken that makes enemies explode. That's pretty cool.

20 - Woah, I finally made it outside the cave lair. Backgrounds look pretty good honestly. What the heck... there's like ghosts and dragonflies out here trying to kill me. Well, the dragonflies are for collecting stuff but there's bad men with machine guns!

21 - I made it to the end of the level and it looked like there was no where to go, so I went the only place I thought I could. Down. Died.
22 - Oh, you're supposed to climb a ladder down, not just jump. I got a sweet power-up though that put a ring of fire around me, so I was jumping from small pillar to small pillar killing guys instantly. But the invincibility ran out the moment I hit a guy with a sword and he knocked me into a pit, killing me.

24 - Game over but the game started me outside again, not bad. I got my vengeance on the sword wielding edge hogger with my awesome ring of fire.

27 - Man, this is such a hardcore platformer. There's this small little pillar I have to jump to and a guy is standing on it! Get off!

28 - Well, I finally got past him and got killed by the next guy. What's the point of 15 life points when you always die from falling off?
29 - This game wouldn't be nearly as hard if you didn't always jump fall back three feet after being hit.

30 - Begin Ninja Gaiden Xbox. Okay, that's enough of the original Ninja Gaiden! I admit, I suck at it! Now onto the new Xbox version! I select New Game and the game starts telling me about the "evil Dark Dragon Blade" and a really ugly full of jaggies sword appears. What the... this is nasty looking. The guy keeps talking to me in Japanese as I try to keep up with the subtitles. Whoever uses the sword will become evil.

31 - Oh, now the Dragon Sword appears, as opposed to the Dragon Blade I guess? This sword too is also made up of graphical jaggies. The Dragon Sword is owned by the Hayabusa family. A ninja appears in the background, it's Ryu!
32 - A wall of text appears, it is the Book of Fiends. This serves as the loading screen but the reading is pretty boring. Ancient tribes have struggled for thousands of generations. You know how long thousands of generations is? That's like a minimum of 20,000 years. That's a really long time. Still loading.

33 - More text appears, wait, it's the same stuff from before. Oh, the loading is finally done. Chapter 1 - The Way of the Ninja. Ryu jumps from the top of a waterfall and slices a brown-clad ninja in half. Sweet.

34 - Some woman is looking down on my from the cliffs, and then I get control. The gameplay is really smooth, feels like Assassin's Creed. Woah, the right thumbstick does not control the camera, just zooms me into Ryu's view. That's going to be annoying.
35 - Something got thrown against the cliff wall... it's a in-game hint! Must be from that girl ninja. The hint is about climbing walls, seems to work just like Assassin's Creed and Prince of Persia.

36 - Ryu doesn't open chests with his hands, he kicks them open with his big, black boot. I receive an Elixir of Spiritual Life. Some vines are blocking my apparent path but Ryu's ultra-sharp katana can't cut them down. Lame.

37 - Not sure where to go...

38 - I find a locked door, no dice though.
39 - Oh, I have to climb a fallen tree that's laying over the vines I mentioned before.

40 - My first kills! I kick one brown ninja off the cliff and impale another with my dragon sword. Game is kind of bloody, but the blood doesn't stick around.

41 - I wall jump into a cave and then more brown ninjas appear. I kill them easily.

42 - I have just wall jumped into a building complex. It is the Ninja Fortress! Oh neat, I can throw shurikens, just like in the original.
43 - I get a map of the fortress and check it out, seems confusing. Don't think I'll bother with this much. Why is it angled? That's just annoying.

45 - I just fought about ten brown ninjas in a small, locked room. Is there a block button in this game?

46 - Apparently block is the L button. I discover a suit of samurai armor in a corner, but it is missing its mask. I probably need to find that.

47 - A ton more browns appear, when a ninja dies, its soul is transformed into a small yellow ball. What a ripoff of Onimusha!
49 - Ooh, white ninjas! These guys jump around like little hamsters. I wall jump myself and finish them off with a well timed slice of my blade. I think my biggest enemy is the camera though, this thing is obnoxious.

50 - Whoops, just fell into a trapdoor. I'm now underground and the anti-ninja bats are back (see minute 13). Some things never change.

51 - I find the Fangs of the Samurai in a chest down there and start to look for a way out, guess I was supposed to fall down here. Just noticed that Ryu does this sweet little flip when he throws shurikens while running.

53 - I'm out of the caves now and back to the Ninja Fortress.
54 - Just racked up a 17 hit combo on some bad ninjas and it restored my health. Nice. You can also jump on the heads of ninjas and it sort of leaves this shadow behind, pretty cool animation. Oh, a save point. Must be a boss up ahead...

56 - I insert the Fangs of the Samurai into the armor and get the Key of Courage. This room I have to keep running through spews new white ninjas every time. Get out of my way, I'm running out of time!

57 - Ryu reaches the Inner Sanctum and I get a hint on how to roll from my purple-clad female friend. I use the Key of Courage on the door.

58 - Oh snaps I just decapitated a white ninja! Awesome! Then another! You can hold Y to charge up a super attack that triggers a hands-off super combo.
59 - A man with long gray hair is sitting on the floor of a large room, he's wielding nunchucks. He stands up and shows off his nunchuck skills by twirling them all over, I'm not impressed. We begin to fight.

60 - Okay, this guy is a bastard. I have to use all of my healing potions to beat him but I eventually do by jumping off the walls onto his head. He was blocking everything else and breaking my block with his nasty combos. After the fight, we bow and then sit down on the floor and chill out! All that work for some tea! A moment later though my ninja friend runs in, it is Ayane from Dead or Alive! Ryu's village is on fire! Too bad the hour is up for Ninja Gaiden.

Time for some scores out of 10.
Story: NES - 7 and Xbox - 3
Definitely more story than I was expecting from a half hour of an old NES game! Ninja Gaiden (NES) sets up as a revenge story that really reminds me of Shenmue. Except Ryu Hayabusa became a ninja and Ryo Hazuki just asks for sailors. Becoming a ninja is awesome. Let's take a quick look at the opening scene with the ninjas in the grassy field. This was directed incredibly well for what is basically a 20 year old game. Nice backdrop with the moon and impressive close ups of our two opposing ninjas.

And definitely less story than I was expecting from a half hour of a modern Xbox game! The game starts off with a bunch of cryptic descriptions on Dragon Blades and Dragon Swords and then tosses a giant wall of text at me about Ancient Tribes. None of it seems to fit together. After that, there's not a drop of story until the very end of the half hour when Ayane runs in and announces the village I've never seen is on fire (what, is this an RPG?).

Graphics and Sound: NES - 6 and Xbox - 9
After the impressive opening cutscene, Ninja Gaiden on the NES quickly reminded me I was playing an 8-bit game. The graphics were sharp but the colors just seemed washed out. It looked great at the time but I can't hold it up against its peers infinitely. I believe the most impressive thing about the game's graphics were the backgrounds. They were well detailed and propped the game up a bit graphically. Ninja Gaiden's sound was pretty basic and there wasn't much outside the music.

The Xbox Ninja Gaiden looks really awesome, the graphics are gorgeous and the framerate is nice and slick. Definitely no major complaints, but that obviously means I have a minor one. I feel like the game is almost too sharp, I think it could have used some filters to soften some things up. Oh, and the blood and bad guys shouldn't disappear so fast! I want to see the marvels of my awesome swordplay!

Gameplay: NES - 6 and Xbox - 8
Ninja Gaiden (NES) has precise, but difficult gameplay. This is a tough platformer and I was really surprised that after I got Game Overs, I was restarted pretty close to where I had lost my final life. This is a great bonus as it encouraged me to keep trying without getting too frustrated. Many games these days aren't as kind! The controls are obviously simple on the NES, but we get the nice little bonus of throwing shurikens. If only you could throw them at an angle.

Well, you can throw shurikens at an angle in Ninja Gaiden on the Xbox, and it's pretty cool too! Actually, the fighting is pretty great in the 3D action-adventure game, the hardest part is dealing with the camera. It just never did what I wanted it to do and I had a hard time keeping track of more than one or two enemies. Either way, cameras are never an easy thing to develop properly, especially when you have such a fast-paced game. Leaping around is very smooth and decapitating ninjas never grows old.

Fun Factor: NES - 7 and Xbox - 8
Though Ninja Gaiden for the NES is tough, it was actually pretty fun. The story was actually decently interesting even if it was pretty derivative. I really thought I was going to get owned left or right while playing but the first half hour must be tame compared to the rest of the game. The game had a few headache inducing moments but hard games can really be fun if they're still rewarding and not totally unfair.

The Xbox Ninja Gaiden is not as frustrating as the NES game, but it is still really challenging. I suppose in this game you get health potions instead of nicely placed checkpoints, but you get ganged up quite quickly and must fend off multiple enemies. This is totally different than a platformer and you must have your finger ready on the block button if you want to be successful. The boss just seemed unfair though, he was whooping on me and my health bar like there was no tomorrow, and I only beat him because I was being cheap. I feel dirty.

Minutes to Action: NES - 3 and Xbox - 5

Overall: NES - 7 and Xbox - 8
Yes, I am awarding nearly identical scores to the first half hour of both Ninja Gaiden games. Some of you may be thinking, how could you possibly award a 15 year old game only one point less than its modern day counterpart? Well, that's a good question and I will answer it: the games were obviously released in totally different video game eras. And they're each good, above average games when compared against their peers. Remember, this is just the first half hour of each game, which is even less than what I normally play! Both games are fun though, but surprisingly the NES version has a better story! The Xbox Ninja Gaiden just throws a block of text at you that really doesn't seem applicable to what I was then playing. Though it does seem kind of weird that the NES game's story hinges on finding some random American. Graphically, the Xbox version is near the top of its game. Both games get good scores, and I would recommend trying them both out! If only to get owned in both 2D and 3D.

Ninja Gaiden galore! I think that's enough of Ryu Hayabusa for a while. And ninjas, geez, I just realized I did Pocky & Rocky last week which featured a female ninja.

Wow.

Game 37: Bible Adventures

Bible Adventures is an old, unlicensed NES game made by Wisdom Tree. Since it was unlicensed and not approved by Nintendo, they were able to do cool things like have a baby blue colored cartridge and even featured their own Wisdom Tree Seal of Quality on the box. The game is a popular target for "Worst Game of all Time," mostly thanks to Seanbaby, but honestly this game was not that bad. Definitely not even in the bottom 10%. Compare it to other officially licensed crap like Deadly Towers or Bebe's Kids and you actually have a decent game going. Anyways, Bible Adventures features three Bible stories: Baby Moses, David and Goliath, and Noah's Ark told through platformers. They all pretty much play the same, but the Baby Moses game is actually pretty bad.

Since today is the last day of March, the month is supposed to be end like a lamb, which basically means it will be a calm Spring day. Instead, we have a heavy snow warning and are expecting 6-8 inches of slushy snow. Ugh. I reviewed The Lion King at the beginning of the month when March was supposed to come in like a lion (it was a nice day) and Bible Adventures is one of the only games that features sheep in even a small role. The other game I considered was Sheep for the PC but decided to do the more well known Bible Adventures. Well, let's get to the review.

(minutes are in bold)
00 - I select Noah's Ark and the first hour of Bible Adventures begins. A Bible verse appears, with lots of ellipses skipping the unimportant parts. God flooded the world and told Noah to collect two of every creature.
01 - Well, the game has started! I'm playing as a bearded Noah, and I guess I have to collect animals. There's something in front of me... a cat? I'm not really sure.

02 - Nice! I have just hoisted the animal above my head! I don't know what to do with it though. I'm just running along, so far I've also seen a horse and a pig.

03 - Ah, it was a cow! I have collected the female cow and put it in the cave underneath the blinking arrow. A checklist appears detailing all the animals I need. Cows, horses, monkeys, snakes, pigs, and oxen. What the... a monkey just tossed some poop at me or something.
04 - I've stuffed that fecal monkey into the Ark now, so it's all good. Next the female ox.

05 - I pick up something that looks like a tablet and a Proverbs verse has appeared on screen.

06 - Noah is trying to pick up a pig but it's too slippery or something.

07 - I think I dropped a bale of hay on its head to knock it out. The female pig has been delivered.
09 - I was chasing after the other pig, but the horse ran by so I grabbed that! Wow, Noah must be buff to be lifting equine above his head. Plus he has a six foot vertical while carrying animals too. I have all the female animals except the snake. Oh, the male pig! Got it!

10 - For whatever reason, the male cow was chilling out on top of the Ark. How did it get up there?

11 - The male horse has a pink tail, not very manly. Just need the male monkey and ox, and both snakes. There are snakes climbing around the trees but I don't know how to get them. Woah, I can climb trees too!
12 - Haha, I grab the male monkey and he's holding a banana above his head, hilarious!

14 - I have reached the far right wall of the level. Still don't know where the male ox is or how to get the snakes. Birds keep pecking me when I'm climbing the trees. Shouldn't we be bringing the birds too?

16 - Oh, the male ox was just hanging out on the far left, but he head-butted me as I approached! Now for the last two snakes... I just went inside a cave. Not much in here though. I do pick up a tablet, and instead of getting a Bible verse I get a game hint. Pressing up will let me climb. Duh.
17 - Interesting, there's some different snakes over here. I deliver one to the Ark and all I have left is the male snake.

20 - Well, I have successfully delivered all the animals, now Noah is double checking his checklist as I watch all the animals run by. One by one.

21 - Just received a warning, "Get ready to climb those trees." Nah, think I'll try one of the other games. Time for Baby Moses! A long Bible verse appears, Pharaoh has ordered all little baby boys to be killed, but a Levite woman saved her boy by floating him down a river.
22 - The game starts off with me as the woman and a baby right in front of me. Must be Moses! I pick him up.

23 - Wow, this game has mini trampolines that launch me way up high. Good stuff.

24 - I got hit by a spider and the woman chucked Baby Moses into the river! Wasn't that the whole point though?

25 - I'm climbing around some pyramids, but this game is hard! There's soldiers all over hitting me with the spears and throwing stuff at me, and the big eyed spiders! Plus the game doesn't have any invincibility period after you get hit that I can tell, which makes things harder.
26 - Well, the woman and Moses make it to the end of the level. This new level is very purple.

28 - Wow, owned! The woman falls into the water and we die! Baby Moses is down for the count! I get the option to restart, continue, or choose a different game. I think I'll stick with this one for a bit. For kicks I start off the level again by throwing Moses in. Heh. He reappears though.

30 - Some bird just picked me up and lifted me off the ground, but I lost the baby on the way up. Ugh, these jumps are too long to be vaulted very easily.
32 - This freaking bird reminds me of the Sun from Super Mario Bros. 3. Annoying! Lame, I just fell in the water again.

34 - Yay, finally beat the second level. You know what's crazy about this game is that all the enemies interact with the stage just like you do. They jump off the trampolines, fall off ledges into the water, and other crazy, unexpected stuff.

35 - Well, the last level was purple, this one is an ugly yellow gold. The platforming elements have been upped though too. There's this soldier that is horribly placed so that he always knocks you and Baby Moses into the water.
37 - Okay, beat the third level. There are so many enemies on the screen at once, but the game is pretty much just a race to the far right of the level. I think I'm done with Baby Moses.

38 - Time for the game that I came here for: David and Goliath! Another long set of Bible verses, this time talking about David keeping his father's sheep, and when attacked by wild animals, he struck them and rescued the sheep! Sweet!

39 - Oh, right at the bottom it says my objective is to find four sheep and bring them to the corral. Right at the start of the level I have squirrels throwing nuts at me! HAHA! One of the squirrels just knocked out the other one!
40 - David found a sheep, but I'm not sure where to take it yet, guess I'll just keep heading to the right. Woah, a lion just leaped at me!

41 - The lion got knocked out by a squirrel nut so I just picked him up along with my lamb. A big giant, flashing arrow points me to the spot I have to drop the sheep.

43 - These lions are just ignoring me when I'm not hauling around sheep.

45 - A wandering squirrel has just knocked out: my sheep, a lion, and another squirrel. Not only that but my sheep is now in an unreachable position!
46 - Wake up you stupid sheep!

47 - Now there's a goat harassing my sheep. Well, that goat was annoying enough but David rescued his third of fourth sheep.

50 - With all four sheep collected now, I proceed to the next level, which I guess is just David carrying four more sheep to the corral.

51 - Sweet, this level is laid out pretty vertically, but it allowed me to quickly collect and deliver three sheep.
52 - Ugh, my fourth and final sheep is on a small platform with three other head-butting goats. Nothing for me to do but die.

55 - I beat the second sheep level now with David. Now bring on Goliath! Woah, instead of Goliath the game throws scorpions at me! Nasty!

56 - Haha, just delivered all four sheep at once, it was tough though because I was getting mauled by lions and stung by scorpions. The first enemy I see in the next level looks like an anteater.
59 - I have all four sheep but I can't make the last jump up to the corral! Ugh, I just lost two of my sheep and they flung off to who knows where.

60 - All right, I'm sick of this. I wanted to fight Goliath! But that's all the time there is for Bible Adventures for the NES.

Now for some scores out of 10.

Story: 3
The three stories in Bible Adventures are introduced quickly to the player by a screen long summary and then are quickly forgotten about. I have no problem with this as most people playing Bible Adventures are familiar enough with the Old Testament stories of Noah, Moses, and David. There are a few Bible verses scattered throughout the first hour but they don't seem too applicable to the game at hand.

Graphics and Sound: 5
Bible Adventures does not look that bad, but the sound is definitely below average. Graphics wise, the characters are drawn pretty good, but sometimes I had no idea what animal I was dealing with. The animations are good and some of them are actually pretty funny. There are quite a few unique backgrounds but they later just start palette-swapping them with really crazy colors. The music was nothing special and the sound effects could have used a lot of work. Animals should make animal sounds!

Gameplay: 6
The Baby Moses game was pretty awful, but the Noah's Ark and David and Goliath games were definitely tolerable. If anything, Bible Adventures is an absolutely great example of a game where all the characters on the screen are interacting with each other. The squirrels are tossing around nuts that knock out anything that touches them, including other enemies. This is something you don't even see very often these days. It was pretty hilarious watching the characters interact with each other. The game also had no problem placing lots of characters on the screen at once (well, if you don't consider the NES sprite flicker a problem), which made it a tough go sometimes.

Fun Factor: 5
I can't really complain about the fun I had while playing Bible Adventures. It's a simple platformer wrapped in a light religious package. The three games were similar and basic, but they did their job and though it was frustrating at times, I was still smiling. The Baby Moses game was frantic, while the other two were more balanced, though they all became tedious.

Minutes to Action: 1

Overall: 5
I'm giving Bible Adventure's first hour a very average 5. Compared to other NES games at the time, it wasn't that horrible. A lot of people seem to compare it to Super Mario Bros. 2 (U.S.) but besides picking stuff up above your head and running around with it, I don't really see the connections. Either way, Bible Adventures is one of those unique games in video game history and worth checking out if only just to say, "I played Bible Adventures."

Game 33: The Lion King

The Lion King was the video game released to accompany the Disney movie of the same name. Games based on movies were nothing new in 1994, especially Disney tie-ins, but this is actually my first movie game review. It was released on literally every platform available at the time, including three Nintendo (NES, SNES, and Game Boy) systems and three Sega (Master System, Genesis, and Game Gear) systems, undoubtedly a feat unequaled by any other game.

Really the only reason I'm reviewing The Lion King is because of the saying: "March comes in like a lion, out like a lamb." If you're unfamiliar with the adage, it basically means March will open up with bad weather and end calmly with Spring fast approaching. Here in the upper-Midwest though, lots of snow typically begins and ends the month. Where's our lamb? Back to the review though, here's March roaring in, now I have four weeks to find a game about lambs... could be tough. Anyways, let's get right into the first hour of The Lion King (Super Nintendo version).

(minutes are in bold)
00 - I choose Start and The Lion King begins. That meerkat Timon appears and says "It starts." Wow, right into the game! Simba moves pretty quick, he's an aggressive little cat. All I can do though is jump and roar, no slashing... yet.
01 - So I'm just jumping around some rocks right now, Simba can hang off ledges and roar to flip porcupines. Then I can jump on their bare belly to kill them.

02 - Woah, I just roared and exploded a dung beetle! I'm down to half my life already!

03 - I jump on a beetle this time and he flies around for a moment and then explodes. Almost dead... until I find a yellow beetle health item.
04 - Just grabbed a red beetle which extends my life a bit, nice. Then I find a symbol that kind of looks like Simba, he yells "cool" and it flashes, but I can't tell if anything actually happened.

05 - Geez, there is a whole assortment of items I'm finding, one extended my roar bar, and another one... not sure what it did, but it was multi-colored.

06 - Boss! I just defeated one of those hyenas from the movies! He went down in only two hits though. He would pounce at me and then become tired and start panting so I could jump on him. A short cutscene plays with Simba's dad, Mufasa saying, "everything the light touches, is our kingdom." Man, this guy has a big ego.
07 - Oh hey, a minigame. I'm controlling Pumbaa as Timon throws bugs down at me. Against all laws of gravity, some bugs fall really slow while others are quick. I end up eating 36 bugs.

08 - I am now in a level called either "Roar at the Monkeys" or "Can't Wait to be King." Probably the latter. There don't seem to be any enemies in this level, just rhinoceros that spring me into the air, monkeys that throw me around, and giraffes that I can use as temporary platforms.

10 - This is almost kind of a puzzle as I have to roar at the pink monkeys to get them to face a different direction so when they toss me I fly in the correct direction. After that sequence I land on an ostrich and it starts belting across the plains. I have to jump over pigs and duck bird nests, all of a sudden two arrows appear... and I die because I didn't jump high enough, or double jump or something. I only have one life left!
12 - Now I just fell in the water and die again. Crap, no lives left. Hardcore. I'm back on the ostrich now, I can "double jump" by jumping with the ostrich and then jumping again with Simba.

13 - You have got to be kidding me. I double jumped too high when I needed to and hit my head on a bird's nest. Lame. Wow, I used my only remaining continue.

14 - Back on the ostrich and I died on the first jump because I jumped too early. Now I fell in the water again.
15 - Fell in... again. Game Over. The old monkey with the balls hanging off his stick looks sad.

16 - Well, looks like I have to start all over again. I'll be back when I get past that ostrich sequence.

19 - Just "played" the bug toss. Timon screwed me over by tossing bugs at opposite ends. I caught one.

21 - Died on the double jump again.
22 - And again. Did anyone seriously playtest this game?

24 - Holy cow, I made it past the freaking ostrich part. What the heck, that pissed me off so much. How was I supposed to know you had to do your second jump really late. Who knows.

25 - This part seems almost worse. I have to swing around on these hippopotamus tails over some water. This is extremely unforgiving.

26 - Hey, a 1UP. That will come in handy. Meh. Now I have no idea where to jump to next! There are no more tails! And I can see that there is another ostrich sequence after this.
29 - Wow, I had to jump like straight up onto a hippo's head, that was clear. Not. I did collect some kind of sun item though, maybe that's a free continue.

30 - Another ostrich run, and this time I don't have arrows telling me what to do. Somehow I pulled off two double jumps in a row without dying.

31 - Another monkey tossing "puzzle."

33 - In one of gaming's most unclear moments ever, I had to get tossed from the first monkey puzzle to the second, flip a pink monkey switch, then cross back over the water on some water colored logs, then do the puzzle again. Why did the art team paint the logs the same color as the water?
34 - Wow, done with that and straight into the next level, "The Elephant Graveyard." Looks creepy. Good music though.

35 - Woah, something about fighting two hyenas at once seems unfair, but I do it with little health to spare. I just ate a bug that hurt me, seriously guys. Piss me off more.

38 - Now I've got two vultures swooping at me, I don't even know if I can hurt them.

39 - Simba has to out climb two gushing geysers as he claws his way to the top of a vertical tunnel.
41 - Now I'm just outrunning enemies as there's no point to stay and fight except to lose health. This is an unforgiving game. Simba was forced to just face off with three hyenas there though.

42 - As I finish the level we get a look at Scar, Simba's evil uncle. Another bug toss, another screw over served by Timon.

43 - Holy Mode 7 Graphics! Simba is running at the screen with a stampede behind him. I have to anticipate their patterns and speed dodging them. This could be really tough.

44 - Now there are rocks coming at me! So I've got wildebeest behind me and deadly rocks in front of me. Sucky life for Simba.
46 - Oh man, my heart is racing but I beat it. A short cutscene has Mufasa telling a hyena, "kill him." The next level is called "Simba's Exile."

47 - This level is laid out similar to the first level with the same basic enemies, but now there are rocks tumbling down on me too.

48 - Geez, I just got killed in an Indiana Jones style boulder rolling sequence. I seriously don't know how to even handle this part because I'm running from the boulder and there's a porcupine right in front of me and it doesn't look like I can jump.

50 - The moment you get hit by the boulder, you die. It seems you have to get hurt by the porcupine and during your invincibility run through him?
51 - Just tested that theory and it doesn't work. Hey, I just accidentally rolled through what appears to be a hidden passage that led me past that boulder. Odd. But now there's another boulder chasing me, and I die.

54 - Now I can't find that secret passage again. LAME.

57 - Who does this game think it is? How are kids supposed to play this? How is anyone supposed to play this? This part is literally impossible as far as I can tell.
58 - Maybe this boulder is the final boss?

59 - Does roaring at the boulder work? No. Woah, I made it through the rolling passage again. I guess there's this secret rolling technique that the game doesn't feel like explaining.

60 - My final challenge is an impossibly long jump over spikes. I wonder where I have to secretly roll this time? Good riddance to the first hour of The Lion King.

Now for some scores out of 10.
Story: 3
Being a movie based game, The Lion King relies heavily on familiarity with the film to drive the story. There was about 30 seconds of in-game story with everything else being delivered through the levels and their settings. A bad story score doesn't necessarily mean that the story is bad, and I'm actually kind of torn on whether or not I would have wanted more. Honestly, probably not. Most people playing The Lion King have seen the movie and know the basics: Simba is a light-hearted cub, his evil uncle kills his father and drives Simba out so that he can become king. There's more information than you'll get out of the game. Maybe the story is developed more later on, but I doubt it.

Graphics and Sound: 8
The Lion King honestly looks and sounds just like a Disney game should: just like the Disney movie. The music is midi versions of the original soundtrack and are well chosen for the levels I played. We have the carefree "Can't Wait to be King" playing over the enemy-less (but still incredibly hard) level of the same name, and the dark, bass driven Scar themes playing during the later stages I encountered. The sound effects work and there's even a little voice acting with some one-liners. The graphics really shine though, the levels are colorful and the sprites are really well detailed. The animation is superb, my only complaint is the Mode 7 stampede level. In my opinion, Mode 7 graphics were way overused on the Super Nintendo and The Lion King is no exception; the level simply feels out of place among the platformers and really doesn't look that good.

Gameplay: 4
The game may have had Disney artists to provide the sprites and animations, but The Lion King could have used some extra work on the gameplay. A lot of extra work. Pretty much everything I played in its first hour except for the first level was unbalanced, difficult, and dare I say, unfair. Some of the jumps necessary were insane, especially in the second level. It is really not easy to swing from hippopotamus tails to avoid death. The ostrich running sequence astounded me with how difficult and frustrating this could be. I kept thinking that this is supposed to be a kid's game but yet they're punishing me for not getting the timing down perfectly. Plus if you mess up, that's another ten giraffe heads you have to hop around on.

The stampede level didn't bother me too much, though the hit detection was rather poor. The real gameplay killer was the last level I played with the constantly falling boulders and the impossible boulder sequence. It still ticks me off and I've put the game away forever. The Lion King seems only suitable for incredibly patient, perfect memory ten year olds who will put up with have so few lives and even fewer continues. On the bright side, Simba did control pretty well when not jumping over water or being chased by boulders. It really could have been a lot worse and my distant memory of the game made me think it was.

Fun Factor: 3
I did have fun the first level, but after that I really didn't care for the game. The second level was deceptively difficult with the ostrich run and all the small platforms you had to hop around on. Basically this entire game was too hard for its own good and really ruined it for me. I just wanted to have fun and enjoy the levels and characters, but all I really could enjoy were the excellent animations. Disney games should be as fun as the movie they're made for, The Lion King fails at that.

Minutes to Action: 0

Overall: 4
After playing just the first level of The Lion King, I believe I would have given this game a pretty good score, probably around 7 or even 8. But I review the entire first hour, not just the first ten minutes, and the rest of the hour is below average. The gameplay was disappointing and the only thing that saves it from total crap was the really good graphics and sound. I'm sure this won't be my last Disney game review as I have some fond memories of games like DuckTales and Goof Troop. But that's it for my review of The Lion King's first hour. March has come in like a lion all right, I was just dumped on.

Game 29: Tecmo Super Bowl

Tecmo Super Bowl is a classic football game for the NES. With the real Super Bowl airing tomorrow night, I've decided to post my first hour review of Tecmo Super Bowl a few days early. This won't be a typical review though, as I've played the game to death, I'm going to perform some Super Bowl predictions with the 17 year old game and pit the New England Patriots against the New York Giants. This is tomorrow's Super Bowl matchup but obviously these teams are very different than what they were when this game came out, so don't place any bets off the outcome!

Post-game results: Tecmo Super Bowl predicted the winner! Not even Madden picked them right!

A little about the game before we get started, Tecmo Super Bowl was the sequel to... Tecmo Bowl, and though that game was very good, Super builds and improves on the original in nearly every way. We now have 30 man rosters instead of 20 and Tecmo Super Bowl also featured 11 men on each side of the ball for every play, where Tecmo Bowl only had 9. It also was one of the first games to use real players and real teams, quite the feat back then as they were breaking new ground (actually, quite the feat now too since EA has a crappy monopoly on the NFL and the NFLPA). Anyways, Tecmo Super Bowl is a great game and I have some wonderful childhood memories of it.

Doing a little research, I've found something interesting: there are only a few players in the game that are still active (five to be exact), and two of them are playing in the Super Bowl on Sunday! Junior Seau played for the San Diego Chargers in Tecmo Super Bowl and now plays for the New England Patriots; and Jeff Feagles played for the Philadelphia Eagles and now is the punter for the New York Football Giants! That's pretty amazing the longevity these guys have (and the great timing of their careers).

Let's get to the game now, here's the first hour of Tecmo Super Bowl and a pre-enactment of Super Bowl XLII. By the way, I am well aware I can download updated ROMs with current rosters but I'm trying to review the original game just like it was meant to be played. In my commentary though I'll replace the old timers with their current counterparts, just to make things... interesting.

(minutes are in bold)
00 - I hit start and the hour begins. I guess I have to go Preseason to get the matchup I want... I'll play as the Giants against the computer playing as the Patriots.
01 - Ha, I win the toss! I'll take the ball! I manage to return the opening kickoff to about my 40 yard line. Time to show the Patriots who owns Arizona!

02 - Whoops, I throw a pass out of bounds when I have a man wide open down the sideline. I think I forgot how to play!

03 - Oh man, these guys do not have any kind of secondary, expecting me to rush on 3rd and 10? I throw a long bomb for an easy touchdown... Hmm... 7-0.
04 - My kickoff goes deep and the ball's at the 20 for the Patriots. Oh, an interception and the Giants have the ball back! Tom Brady's ankle must really be affecting him.

05 - Five minutes in and the score is 14-0. A run up the middle by Brandon Jacobs.

06 - My kickoff pins them at their own 10 yard line. Brady throws one out of bounds as I bring the pass rush. Then he way overthrows the next one.

07 - Ouch, a quarterback sack nails them to their own one. Geez, the Giants are really good!
09 - The first quarter ends with me making a mad dash up the middle and then getting tackled. 14-0, Giants.

10 - Oh man, Eli Manning gets intercepted on the Patriots' 1 yard line! Bad Eli, bad!

11 - Well, things just aren't going Bill Belichick's way as Lawrence Maroney fumbles it and I run it in for an easy touchdown. 21-0. I pin them down again within their 20 yard line with the kickoff.

12 - Brady tries to take it himself but gets crushed at the line of scrimmage. An incomplete pass and a weak run from Maroney leads to another punt.
13 - Too bad the game doesn't let you try to block punts, that would be awesome.

14 - First down on the Patriots' six already. Touchdown! 28-0

15 - Brady calls a timeout as he gets sacked again within his five yard line. Oh man, as the first half runs out of time, Maroney gets away down the sideline but I'm able to chase him down! Phew!

16 - Oh crap! Awesome half-time show with some white underwear showing on the cheerleader! Nice! Hope this isn't the Janet Jackson incident all over again!
17 - It's 28-0 as the half begins and I'm kicking off.

18 - Dang, Tom Brady breaks loose and scrambles for a first down. Then a pass incomplete to Randy Moss with some tight coverage from R.W. McQuarters.

19 - Brady runs for another first down. The Golden Boy has got to go down! Ah, but Maroney fumbles again and the Giants recover.
20 - Eli! Stop overthrowing! Ahmad Bradshaw runs for a first down.

21 - Oh man, the Patriots' defensive line finally shows up and blitzes me hard! Eli goes down like a sack of potatoes. Eli overthrows another man wide open. 3rd and 22 to go.

22 - I try the unexpected on third and long and go for a run. I get stopped a few yards short though and have to kick a field goal. 31-0.
23 - Aw crap, I biff the kick and the Patriots have awesome field position on the Giants' 35 yard line. Maybe they'll actually score. Brady literally bounces off his own offensive line a few times and then gets sacked. Whoops.

24 - Holy crap! The Golden Boy fumbles and I pick it up and start hauling with it. I'm literally throwing Patriots off of me quite violently until I finally get taken down on their 30. Nice.

25 - Well, I take quick advantage of the turnover and as the third quarter ends, I rush in for the touchdown with Jacos. 38-0 Giants.
26 - Well, I pooch the kick on accident again but this time I recover, just as if I was doing an onside kick. Belichick must be furious right now (and Tom Coughlin stunned).

27 - Brandon Jacobs is running down the sideline like a runaway truck!! But he gets taken down... too bad. On the next play, Manning is able to escape the blitz but ends up throwing it at two Patriots players deep! Good thing they can't catch.

28 - Eli and his receivers are completely inept and can't catch anything. I have to kick a field goal, 41-0 (if only...).
29 - Moss dramatically dives for the ball... but misses. Too bad sucker.

30 - Haha, Brady throws it wildly in the stands and the receiver runs over the people to try and get it. They're now going for it on 4th and 6 with just over two minutes to go. And they're stuffed.

31 - Now should I just sit on the ball and let the clock run out...? Nah, not against the team that ran up the score all year. Ah, Plaxico Burress with the touchdown. 48-0.
32 - With just 30 seconds left, they manage to get a first down. Then Brady has all the time in the world to throw it and just tosses it away. A sack places them at third and long for the last play of the game.

33 - Well, that's all she wrote! The Giants have won Super Bowl XLII 48-0 in a complete domination over the Patriots.
34 - Well, since i have 26 minutes left, I think I have enough to play a little role reversal. This time, I'll be playing Tom Brady and leading the charge for my 4th Super Bowl ring. I win the coin toss again and elect to receive.

35 - Maroney runs for a first down. At least he didn't fumble. Oh man, Moss drops a pass that would have resulted in a touchdown!

36 - And Brady gets intercepted in the endzone. Wow.

37 - The Patriots' defense seems all right though as I force Eli to a three and out. What the... that was seriously like a 70 yard punt from Jeff Feagles, I'm down within my own 10!
38 - The Giants blitz relentlessly and force Brady to throw another interception. Eli's got it on our 20.

40 - As the first quarter ends the Giants score... I'm sad. 7-0 Giants.

41 - I get intercepted again when being blitzed. That's three in the first half!

42 - Hey, a break! I force the Giants to kick a field goal and they miss! It was a long one though, more than 50 yards.
43 - Okay, seriously. Did Brady vacation in Los Cabos or something because I just tried throwing to a wide open Randy Moss and he threw it way off to the left and was easily intercepted. I'm angry.

44 - I don't know why I'm picking pass defense plays as I keep getting ripped for long runs.

45 - I force them to kick another field goal but this time they're successful. 10-0 Giants.

46 - Ugh, time runs out in the half as I'm finally making my way down field. Too bad. The half-time show was even more awesome this time though. Lots more babes instead of just fat guys doing the wave. Got to see the panties again too! And one girl in a sports bra blew me a kiss. Nice.
48 - Frak, another long run from Brandon Jacobs gives the Giants their second touchdown. 17-0, but I did almost block their kick!

49 - Nice run from the kickoff! I'm down to their 30 yard line.

50 - Oh my... I reach their 10 yard line and then Maroney fumbles. Giants recover.
52 - It's nice that the defense can run faster than any running back, or they would have just scored another touchdown. The third quarter ends at 17-0.

53 - Two blitzes from me puts them at 4th and 26 (ugh...) and I force them to kick a field goal, and they miss again! Yay. This time it bounced off the left upright!

54 - And to top all that off, Brady throws his fifth interception. At least I can late hit Eli without repercussion. Oops, another touchdown from their RB, Ahmad Bradshaw. 24-0, Giants.

55 - YES! Tom Brady and Randy Moss finally connect for a touchdown that puts the Patriots on the board!
56 - Time for an onside kick attempt... It fails and all the Giants have to do now is run out the clock.

57 - But instead they decide to rub it in and throw for a touchdown. Eli to Plaxico. My own touchdown is quietly erased. 31-7, Giants.

59 - Not one to give up, Brady throws a long bomb as the final seconds tick away though, it's knocked incomplete though in the endzone, and the game ends. The Giants have once again defeated the Patriots, this time with a final score of 31-7. The Giants knocked me around for 205 rushing yards while Brady threw for just 148.

60 - It's pretty obvious the New York Giants are one of the dominant teams in Tecmo Super Bowl, as the teams' stats are based off their 1990 season... the year the Giants last won the Super Bowl (the game actually ended on a missed field goal by the Bills' Scott Norwood - Wide Right). And if you're wondering, the New England Patriots went 1-15, by far the worst team in the league and almost virtually opposite of their perfect 16-0 season this year. By the way the Giants whooped the Patriots in both simulated games, I think Tecmo did a pretty good job on those stats. Well, that's it for the first hour of Tecmo Super Bowl and my pre-enactment of Super Bowl XLII!

Time for some scores out of 10.
Story: 0
If Tecmo Super Bowl was more like real life, we'd be treated to hours and hours of hype and speculation before the Big Game, where talking heads try to create stories around nothing. Thank God Tecmo Super Bowl is not like real life. This score of zero is probably the best score this game can get, because once you start injecting sports games with stories, well, the results are not pretty. The interesting thing is, sports stories work in just about every other medium (film, books, comics, TV, etc.), but not games. Some things are better left alone.

Graphics and Sound: 7
The thing that surprises me the most about Tecmo Super Bowl is the number of sprites on the field. We have 11 players on each team, so that's 22 sprites, and then we've got the football, the goalposts, cheerleaders, and first down markers. That's a lot of characters drawn on the screen, the problem is, only eight sprites can be updated at a time on the NES, so you get quite a bit of flicker when there's a lot of action going on. This is disappointing as it can be quite distracting when trying to navigate your running back through a defensive line. The game does feature some cool cutscenes though when an important play is happening, and there are at least two different half-time shows that are animated nicely. The sound in Tecmo Super Bowl is classic: the "hut hut hut hut hut hut hut" before each play is something I will never forget. The sound effects are not necessarily realistic, but they fit the arcade style of play.

Gameplay: 8
It was interesting being able to play as both a really good team (Giants), and a really bad team (Patriots) as I experienced a wide range of success and failures. This is what makes Tecmo Super Bowl such a great game, the developers spent a lot of time working on balance and letting the stats influence the game in just the right way (even if they did get out of hand at times). The Patriots' quarterback was downright horrendous and constantly overthrew the ball or missed his target widely. This may be an over the top caricature of their QB at the time, but when you have an arcade-like setting and the seconds ticking by super fast, some things just have to be worked into the game. The Giants' running game on the other hand was stellar and was able to break blocks and tackles with ease.

Controlling Tecmo Super Bowl is a breeze, one of the unique things about it is the play selection screen. Both the offense and defense are looking at the same set of eight plays, four pass and four rush. If the defense picks the same play as the offense, they get a mad blitz on the quarterback that usually results in a sack. However, if the offense picks pass and the defense picks rush, the wide receiver will probably net a lot of yards. This makes for a great cat and mouse game between you and your opponent, even if I did rely on the rush a lot as the Giants and the pass as the Patriots (had to make up those points quick!).

Fun Factor: 9
This game is so much fun, it just plays tremendously well for being a 17 year old football game. There have been how many Maddens since then? And how many of those would I rather play than this game? The answers to those are "a lot" and "zero". Sure, Tecmo Super Bowl doesn't have quarterback vision or career mode as the punter, but it is easy to pick up and play while being deep at the same time. The games are fast and fun too, I was into my first game within one minute and managed to finish two complete games in an hour (while writing commentary to boot).

Minutes to Action: 1

Overall: 8
You may say I'm looking back at this game with rose-colored glasses but it's honestly such a fun game to play. It also has solid gameplay and decent graphics for its time. Modern football games look and play so much different than Tecmo Super Bowl, but if you ask me, this is the genre defining game. Great fun to play for twenty minutes or much longer and it will probably be more entertaining than the Super Bowl itself. This is the best football game I have ever played, the only other that comes close is NFL Blitz. Give it a try and play for an hour, you'll love it.