Game 42: Ogre Battle: March of the Black Queen

Ogre Battle: March of the Black Queen is a console strategy game initially released on the Super Nintendo and then re-released on the Sega Saturn and Sony Playstation. I guess the game is rare but I bought the Super Nintendo version at a rental store when they were going out of business for five dollars (also scored that day was Yoshi's Island). I consider myself lucky, too bad the battery has died since then. The game has seen a bunch of sequels including Ogre Battle 64, which I also own.

Decent non turn-based strategy games are tough to come by on consoles, but March of the Black Queen stands out as one of the first and best in the genre. I'm not so sure how the first hour will turn out though, as the game moves pretty slow. Well, let's just get right into it and find out. I'll be playing the Super Nintendo version.

(minutes are in bold)
00 - I select New Game and the hour begins. A man named Warren begins talking. He is a great Seer, which means he can see destinies. He's going to use Tarot cards to decide if I'm fit to be a leader. But first I enter my name, Greg.
01 - Warren asks me my sex and then reveals the Sun card. He then asks me a question on who do I attribute victory in a battle to. I answer, "those who fought with me."

02 - The World card is revealed next. How full is my glass the night before a battle for a toast? Filled to the brim! Warren draws the Hierophant card.

03 - I answer "a sense of justice" in what I see in a leader. The strength card is brought up, it is a woman standing with a lion. Justice, again, is the most important attribute of a warrior in my opinion.
04 - Wow, more cards still. Now the Magician. I'm asked what kind of potion I'd make: poison, wealth, or immortality. None of them sound that great. I guess wealth.

05 - The Judgement card now. Who would I save in battle if I could only save one: my mother, lover, or child. Child, no idea though, I hate these kind of questions. Warren spreads the remaining cards out and asks me to grab one. It's the Fortune card! No questions that time.

06 - I'm now faced with the world map, The Zeteginea Age. I have a few options, but I'll save my game first. Time to start the first level, the Castle of Warren.
07 - Scene 1 - Beginning. A view of a lush green island appears. I guess I have control over some golden guy and have to beat the boss? There's also a day/night indicator in the corner.

08 - I click my guy a few times and tell him to move on what appears to be a building with a pink roof. He slowly starts crossing the plains. Woah, I'm walking over a mountain.

09 - I have liberated the trade city of Daskania. "Liberation!" the female computer voice calls out! Cool! The people are cheering for me. I have the option to pull a card, woah, it's the Hanged Man. The city calls out "Boo Boo!" Oh no!
10 - Liberating towns rewards me with tribute which I need to run my army. Next up I move Greg west to another building. The screen scrolls smoothly with my sword cursor.

11 - I have liberated a Roshian Temple! I pull the Strength card and get a "Thank you" instead of boos. A monk tells me that everything is moving in real time, and that I should pause if I get overwhelmed. Well, with only one character on the screen that won't be a problem. I head further west to the boss!

13 - Sweet, the sky is turning purple, it's twilight! Warren welcomes me to his castle and tells me I must do battle with the Zenobian Empire. He's going to put me to the test.

14 - Warren won't fight me, just keeps telling me to liberate more towns and return to them. Lame.
16 - I've returned to both towns so it's time to kick some ogre butt! Ugh, Warren tells me about a hidden city to the northeast. Can my character cross water? I guess so. Slowly though.

17 - I have liberated the Walled City of Zeltenia! I pull another Hanged Man card! Nooo!

18 - I talk with Lans, a knight of the Royal Zenobian Army. He likes the look in my eyes so he'll join my cause. Wow, what is my cause anyway? And only if it was that easy in real life. I head back to Warren again.

20 - It has become day again. Finally, it's time to fight! Wow, this looks totally different than the overhead map! It's five against one, seems unfair!
21 - I don't even have to do anything, my guys just fight it out. Greg casts Icecloud on Warren and then gets healed by the mage. Sweet, I won!

22 - I have liberated Volzak! Haha, fireworks are set off from the city. I have completed the map and receive 6748 bonus Goth. Goth is what their money is called. Umm... odd.

23 - Next level is called Sharom and is south of Warren on the world map. Scene 2 - Rally.
24 - Wow, this is a big map, and I also have a ton of units available to me now. Time to start deploying I guess and sending them to towns. Interesting, it costs Goth to deploy units. Cost of an army I suppose.

26 - I send out Lans and Geena along with Greg. Lans liberates Valna. I pull the Moon card. It immediately switches the time to night! Oh, I can buy items here at Valna.

27 - Greg liberates a town and pulls the Emperor card. The enemy hasn't deployed any enemies yet.

29 - Oh, the enemy has finally arrived! Greg liberates a temple, I think I'll stay here and wait for the enemy. Another Hanged Man. I am one unlucky fellow. Temples can revive buddies, that should be helpful.
30 - Greg has met the enemy! My tactics are set to Best, which means I always attack their best character. I think I'll set it to weak and take out the little ones first.

31 - Woah, the battle has ended but they still have two guys remaining! That's weird... Interesting, their character hasn't disappeared from the map, they just got pushed back a few inches on the map.

32 - Greg starts battle with another enemy. These guys have a giant wolf. This doesn't seem to hard when Greg's group has a healer.
33 - This last battle was closer, no one got killed but I still won. Must be based off of damage or something. The enemies just keep coming so I deploy a group that looks like it has ninjas in it. Another battle with Greg.

35 - This team is another set of two, just a mage and a giant guy with a club.

36 - Oh no! I lose! None of my guy's die but that giant brute was doing massive damage and getting to attack multiple times in a row. Geena will have to hold the temple.

37 - Geena's team has two amazons, two soldiers, and a healer. We don't do a lot of damage but are rewarded the win. Geena gets into another battle right away though. Oh snaps, it's the mage and the brute with the club!
38 - We have killed the giant! Just the mage left.

39 - Oh yeah, Geena to the rescue! She has killed the mage too, even though he threw two fireballs at one of my amazons.

40 - Man, just battle after battle. It's the two-headed wolf/mage team. They're weak so hopefully I can finish them off. Well, that was easy, they're gone already.

41 - Another battle against a weakened enemy. Good thing they're not running off to heal.
42 - Well, I don't finish off their leader but their team does level up! Now if only I could get Greg back to the temple to help defend it. I'm fighting another battle against a group with a healer. Could be a long battle. We win but they have plenty of health left.

44 - Back at the map, that loser who only has a few hit points left is running back to the boss. Fighting a beastmaster now and his two-headed wolf.

45 - The wolf is dead leaving the beastmaster, but we're declared the winners.

46 - Ugh, these amazons keep getting left with one hit point and then their cleric heals them.
47 - Wow, I forgot about Lans but he found a secret temple on an island! Liberation! I pull the Strength card. The monks give me the Star of Heroes. I get a "HEROSTAR!" Haha.

49 - Greg has healed a bit so I put him in front of Geena. Greg will meet the beastmaster! Greg only attacks once per battle, and its the Icecloud attack that always seems to miss the leader. I defeat the beastmaster though with my little soldiers. That takes care of him.

51 - Greg levels up as we almost defeat the cleric. It has 8 hit points left. It's probably going to run away.

53 - Woah woah woah! Some enemy is flying across the water and might take the city near my capital! I have to deploy Warren and we race there. Geez, the enemy turns and heads right for my capital city. Crap. They have a gryphon. No wonder they moved so fast, they were literally flying.
55 - Warren just whooped down on their leader but I can't manage to kill the gryphon. It'll probably fly away. I have things under control for the moment so I start moving around my characters. I send Geena to the end of a road where a city undoubtedly is. Lans doesn't find anything in his latest search so I send him back near the capital.

57 - Sweet, I do have a ninja on my team. His name is Morgan though. What kind of ninja is named Morgan?

58 - I have re-encountered the weakened cleric, but she's picked up two more clerics. Lame.

60 - Greg's Icecloud finally hits everyone and does some pretty decent damage. Well, it doesn't look like I'm going to get across this bridge anytime soon. It's going to take a while to defend and slowly push forward. I guess that's the end of Ogre Battle's first hour.
Time for some scores out of 10.

Story: 6
About the only unique thing Ogre Battle has going for it in the first hour in terms of story is the tarot card introduction. It was pretty fun answering Warren's questions about how I would manage an army and how much wine I would want to drink the night before a battle. Maybe not fun... but definitely weird and quirky. Being given tarot cards which I can use in battle is also cool and gives the game an extra layer in what seems like a pretty straight-forward system so far. The rest of the story isn't as interesting, and seems pretty derivative of basically anything else, but the tarot card approach is unique. Destinies and fates are intriguing concepts, whether you believe in them or not.

Graphics and Sound: 7
I read a few reviews that knocked on the game's graphics, but I like them. They're simple when they need to be simple like on the world map, and more detailed when in battle. The battles have a cool background behind them that makes it look like they're just being fought out on my desk. The sprites in battle are also well detailed, but plain on the overworld. This isn't bad though, as they're distinct and are more like pieces out of a board game. The game also features the day/night system which I'm sure will be used uniquely further on, but is more just for show in the first hour.

Not much going on with sound in Ogre Battle. The highlight though is when you liberate a town, you get the sound effect, "Liberation!" I still remember hearing that 12 years ago sitting in my bedroom as a kid and thinking how cool it was.

Gameplay: 5
Two different types of gameplay, and both are relatively hands off most of the time. When managing units on the map, you have to scroll around quite a bit to get a handle on things and you have to understand your unit's strengths and weaknesses. It was kind of a shocker when the enemy sent a flying unit at me from across the sea and almost caught me off guard. But most of the time you're just fortifying a town or temple and trying to hold your ground. A lot of moving characters just a little bit in front or behind of another so they can be the won to battle it out. It's almost requires too much control for a strategy game like this.

Battling in Ogre Battle is mostly automated, which is kind of a relief. Many console RPG's just have you tapping the A button to do the same thing turn after turn, but Ogre Battle makes it easy on the player and takes over for them. You can still press the A button and mess with tactics, but other than that, not much to it. Just hope you hit them and they miss you.

Fun Factor: 5
Ogre Battle's super slow moving pieces on map may be great for planning out strategies and preparing for attacks, but it'd be nice if there was a speed up key or something for the times when you just want to get where you want to be. On the other hand, fighting in the battles can be pretty fun but since it is automated, there's nothing to get too pumped about. The battle is essentially decided before you even start, you're just there to watch it unfold. The game doesn't seem to be too heavy on micromanagement within its first hour though, and that's a plus. Ogre Battle is simply not that fun, it's simply delivers average enjoyment.

Minutes to Action: 20

Overall: 5
Twenty minutes is a long time for any game to get rolling, and Ogre Battle: March of the Black Queen suffers from this. I think it would have been more effective if after our Tarot card draw, if we immediately were thrust into battle. The game can still force us to move around Warren's island and liberate towns, but it just takes a long time to get to what the player wants: action. The game's gameplay and fun factor falter due to Ogre's Battle below normal game speed, but the story and choice of graphics save it from falling into the land of crappy first hours. If you're into console strategy games, you probably owe yourself to check out March of the Black Queen for whatever system you can find it on, but don't spend too much money on it; plenty of good strategy games are still being released. The bad part is they probably all still take a quarter of an hour to actually start.

Game 37: Bible Adventures

Bible Adventures is an old, unlicensed NES game made by Wisdom Tree. Since it was unlicensed and not approved by Nintendo, they were able to do cool things like have a baby blue colored cartridge and even featured their own Wisdom Tree Seal of Quality on the box. The game is a popular target for "Worst Game of all Time," mostly thanks to Seanbaby, but honestly this game was not that bad. Definitely not even in the bottom 10%. Compare it to other officially licensed crap like Deadly Towers or Bebe's Kids and you actually have a decent game going. Anyways, Bible Adventures features three Bible stories: Baby Moses, David and Goliath, and Noah's Ark told through platformers. They all pretty much play the same, but the Baby Moses game is actually pretty bad.

Since today is the last day of March, the month is supposed to be end like a lamb, which basically means it will be a calm Spring day. Instead, we have a heavy snow warning and are expecting 6-8 inches of slushy snow. Ugh. I reviewed The Lion King at the beginning of the month when March was supposed to come in like a lion (it was a nice day) and Bible Adventures is one of the only games that features sheep in even a small role. The other game I considered was Sheep for the PC but decided to do the more well known Bible Adventures. Well, let's get to the review.

(minutes are in bold)
00 - I select Noah's Ark and the first hour of Bible Adventures begins. A Bible verse appears, with lots of ellipses skipping the unimportant parts. God flooded the world and told Noah to collect two of every creature.
01 - Well, the game has started! I'm playing as a bearded Noah, and I guess I have to collect animals. There's something in front of me... a cat? I'm not really sure.

02 - Nice! I have just hoisted the animal above my head! I don't know what to do with it though. I'm just running along, so far I've also seen a horse and a pig.

03 - Ah, it was a cow! I have collected the female cow and put it in the cave underneath the blinking arrow. A checklist appears detailing all the animals I need. Cows, horses, monkeys, snakes, pigs, and oxen. What the... a monkey just tossed some poop at me or something.
04 - I've stuffed that fecal monkey into the Ark now, so it's all good. Next the female ox.

05 - I pick up something that looks like a tablet and a Proverbs verse has appeared on screen.

06 - Noah is trying to pick up a pig but it's too slippery or something.

07 - I think I dropped a bale of hay on its head to knock it out. The female pig has been delivered.
09 - I was chasing after the other pig, but the horse ran by so I grabbed that! Wow, Noah must be buff to be lifting equine above his head. Plus he has a six foot vertical while carrying animals too. I have all the female animals except the snake. Oh, the male pig! Got it!

10 - For whatever reason, the male cow was chilling out on top of the Ark. How did it get up there?

11 - The male horse has a pink tail, not very manly. Just need the male monkey and ox, and both snakes. There are snakes climbing around the trees but I don't know how to get them. Woah, I can climb trees too!
12 - Haha, I grab the male monkey and he's holding a banana above his head, hilarious!

14 - I have reached the far right wall of the level. Still don't know where the male ox is or how to get the snakes. Birds keep pecking me when I'm climbing the trees. Shouldn't we be bringing the birds too?

16 - Oh, the male ox was just hanging out on the far left, but he head-butted me as I approached! Now for the last two snakes... I just went inside a cave. Not much in here though. I do pick up a tablet, and instead of getting a Bible verse I get a game hint. Pressing up will let me climb. Duh.
17 - Interesting, there's some different snakes over here. I deliver one to the Ark and all I have left is the male snake.

20 - Well, I have successfully delivered all the animals, now Noah is double checking his checklist as I watch all the animals run by. One by one.

21 - Just received a warning, "Get ready to climb those trees." Nah, think I'll try one of the other games. Time for Baby Moses! A long Bible verse appears, Pharaoh has ordered all little baby boys to be killed, but a Levite woman saved her boy by floating him down a river.
22 - The game starts off with me as the woman and a baby right in front of me. Must be Moses! I pick him up.

23 - Wow, this game has mini trampolines that launch me way up high. Good stuff.

24 - I got hit by a spider and the woman chucked Baby Moses into the river! Wasn't that the whole point though?

25 - I'm climbing around some pyramids, but this game is hard! There's soldiers all over hitting me with the spears and throwing stuff at me, and the big eyed spiders! Plus the game doesn't have any invincibility period after you get hit that I can tell, which makes things harder.
26 - Well, the woman and Moses make it to the end of the level. This new level is very purple.

28 - Wow, owned! The woman falls into the water and we die! Baby Moses is down for the count! I get the option to restart, continue, or choose a different game. I think I'll stick with this one for a bit. For kicks I start off the level again by throwing Moses in. Heh. He reappears though.

30 - Some bird just picked me up and lifted me off the ground, but I lost the baby on the way up. Ugh, these jumps are too long to be vaulted very easily.
32 - This freaking bird reminds me of the Sun from Super Mario Bros. 3. Annoying! Lame, I just fell in the water again.

34 - Yay, finally beat the second level. You know what's crazy about this game is that all the enemies interact with the stage just like you do. They jump off the trampolines, fall off ledges into the water, and other crazy, unexpected stuff.

35 - Well, the last level was purple, this one is an ugly yellow gold. The platforming elements have been upped though too. There's this soldier that is horribly placed so that he always knocks you and Baby Moses into the water.
37 - Okay, beat the third level. There are so many enemies on the screen at once, but the game is pretty much just a race to the far right of the level. I think I'm done with Baby Moses.

38 - Time for the game that I came here for: David and Goliath! Another long set of Bible verses, this time talking about David keeping his father's sheep, and when attacked by wild animals, he struck them and rescued the sheep! Sweet!

39 - Oh, right at the bottom it says my objective is to find four sheep and bring them to the corral. Right at the start of the level I have squirrels throwing nuts at me! HAHA! One of the squirrels just knocked out the other one!
40 - David found a sheep, but I'm not sure where to take it yet, guess I'll just keep heading to the right. Woah, a lion just leaped at me!

41 - The lion got knocked out by a squirrel nut so I just picked him up along with my lamb. A big giant, flashing arrow points me to the spot I have to drop the sheep.

43 - These lions are just ignoring me when I'm not hauling around sheep.

45 - A wandering squirrel has just knocked out: my sheep, a lion, and another squirrel. Not only that but my sheep is now in an unreachable position!
46 - Wake up you stupid sheep!

47 - Now there's a goat harassing my sheep. Well, that goat was annoying enough but David rescued his third of fourth sheep.

50 - With all four sheep collected now, I proceed to the next level, which I guess is just David carrying four more sheep to the corral.

51 - Sweet, this level is laid out pretty vertically, but it allowed me to quickly collect and deliver three sheep.
52 - Ugh, my fourth and final sheep is on a small platform with three other head-butting goats. Nothing for me to do but die.

55 - I beat the second sheep level now with David. Now bring on Goliath! Woah, instead of Goliath the game throws scorpions at me! Nasty!

56 - Haha, just delivered all four sheep at once, it was tough though because I was getting mauled by lions and stung by scorpions. The first enemy I see in the next level looks like an anteater.
59 - I have all four sheep but I can't make the last jump up to the corral! Ugh, I just lost two of my sheep and they flung off to who knows where.

60 - All right, I'm sick of this. I wanted to fight Goliath! But that's all the time there is for Bible Adventures for the NES.

Now for some scores out of 10.

Story: 3
The three stories in Bible Adventures are introduced quickly to the player by a screen long summary and then are quickly forgotten about. I have no problem with this as most people playing Bible Adventures are familiar enough with the Old Testament stories of Noah, Moses, and David. There are a few Bible verses scattered throughout the first hour but they don't seem too applicable to the game at hand.

Graphics and Sound: 5
Bible Adventures does not look that bad, but the sound is definitely below average. Graphics wise, the characters are drawn pretty good, but sometimes I had no idea what animal I was dealing with. The animations are good and some of them are actually pretty funny. There are quite a few unique backgrounds but they later just start palette-swapping them with really crazy colors. The music was nothing special and the sound effects could have used a lot of work. Animals should make animal sounds!

Gameplay: 6
The Baby Moses game was pretty awful, but the Noah's Ark and David and Goliath games were definitely tolerable. If anything, Bible Adventures is an absolutely great example of a game where all the characters on the screen are interacting with each other. The squirrels are tossing around nuts that knock out anything that touches them, including other enemies. This is something you don't even see very often these days. It was pretty hilarious watching the characters interact with each other. The game also had no problem placing lots of characters on the screen at once (well, if you don't consider the NES sprite flicker a problem), which made it a tough go sometimes.

Fun Factor: 5
I can't really complain about the fun I had while playing Bible Adventures. It's a simple platformer wrapped in a light religious package. The three games were similar and basic, but they did their job and though it was frustrating at times, I was still smiling. The Baby Moses game was frantic, while the other two were more balanced, though they all became tedious.

Minutes to Action: 1

Overall: 5
I'm giving Bible Adventure's first hour a very average 5. Compared to other NES games at the time, it wasn't that horrible. A lot of people seem to compare it to Super Mario Bros. 2 (U.S.) but besides picking stuff up above your head and running around with it, I don't really see the connections. Either way, Bible Adventures is one of those unique games in video game history and worth checking out if only just to say, "I played Bible Adventures."

Game 23: Skies of Arcadia Legends

Skies of Arcadia Legends is a role-playing game developed by Overworks and released on the Gamecube. It is an enhanced port published by Sega in early 2003. The original game, simply Skies of Arcadia, was released on the Dreamcast in 2000. The game was pretty well received on the Dreamcast and has even ranked on some all time top 100 video game lists. The port to the Gamecube was an interesting decision considering the system was not known for RPGs, but Sega probably figured gamers would be eager to grab up a game when it stands nearly alone in the genre. They were also probably right (hey, even I own a copy).

Anyways, Skies of Arcadia follows a group of sky pirates who steal from the rich and give to the poor. The main pirate is Vyse, a young man who apparently wields a glass sword as some sort of useless forearm shield. He's joined by "up to 22 crew members" according to the back of the box, most of whom appear to be skinny, voluptuous women or tough looking pirate geezers. Not a bad combination there. The game also features ship-to-ship battles along with the typical RPG fights, so let's see how much Skies of Arcadia sets itself apart from those landlubbers in its first hour.

(minutes are in bold)
00 - I select New Game and the timer starts. A cutscene starts with a view of the moon and the wind howling around us. A flying airship passes through the sky with a young woman in white on board. The ship is being chased by a much larger, intimidating airship! We cut to a man in a white cape named Alfonso who says (text, no voice acting) that he finally found her.
01 - Alfonso orders his crew to fire on the other ship and capture the woman. Her ship starts going down in a slew of smoke as it is hit By the way, ordering your men to take out a ship on the run usually means they're bad guys.

02 - The woman is knocked out, she kind of looks like Princess Zelda. Some text informs me that the woman has been taken aboard. All of a sudden the bad guy's ship is rocked by an explosion.

03 - Alfonso looks stunned! "Who would dare attack a vessel in the Imperial Armada?" Imperial always means bad guys, suspicion confirmed.

04 - It's Air Pirates! A similar sized ship throws grappling hooks onto the Imperial Ship and the pirates hop aboard. A kid named Vyse is to the rescue, but he's surrounded by armored Imperial Guards.
05 - A girl that looks exactly like Pippi Longstocking joins Vyse on deck, her name is Aika. They're members of the Blue Rogues and proud of it. Time for a battle! Battle options consist of the usual: Attack, Guard, Item, Run, and Magic. There's also two things called S-Move and Focus. Side note: what's up with all the red-headed characters lately looking exactly like some real-life counterpart. Just last week we had a bully in Psychonauts who looked like an even uglier Carrot Top as a child.

06 - I attempt to do an S-Move but it's grayed out. I just attack with Vyse and Aika instead. They totally destroy the guards with some nasty swipes of their weapons. Vyse was hit but barely hurt.

07 - A man named Dyne shoots another guard, Vyse yells "Dad!" A little family drama occurs and then Vyse and Aika run off in search of treasure. I'm now in full control, there's a mini-map in the lower map. Mini-maps are a good things.

08 - After jogging a bit down below, Alfonso calls to me. He blabs on a bit but makes the mistake of showing off the girl.
09 - Vyse is stunned he kidnapped someone, but before he can react, Alfonso sends four green soldiers at us!

10 - Aikia is using some kind of boomerang, but when she's in close range she just whacks them with it. Similar to the battle animations in Chrono Trigger. I win the battle easily enough and they both level up and gain some stats. Aika also ranks up and learns Sacri. No idea what that may be. Probably some sort of heal.

11 - Being a treasure hunter, I'm also on the lookout for chests, I find one with a Sacri Crystal 2 in it.

12 - Ugh, a random battle. This time the baddies get to hit me a few times first, but Vyse counters one of them and kills them. Poor sap. These guys are being killed by a boomerang... My characters also have 400-500 hit points and are getting hit for about 40. I'm basically invincible at this point.
13 - Alfonso is stunned we beat his soldiers. A baby could have beaten them.

14 - I find a switch that turns off the alarm, maybe that will stop the random battles? I also find a save point in the shape of an anchor, looks neat.

15 - I find a door and run outside, the pirate music has stopped and I'm climbing a ladder down the side of the craft! Pretty scary, but I'm an air pirate!

16 - The bastard Alfonso chucks one of his own men off the ship to frame him as a traitor. What a loser.
17 - Good thing Vyse is right behind him to deliver justice! Oh oh, Alfonso raises his arm and an armored bull charges into the room. Looks like it's boss time.

18 - I decide to focus with Vyse... The bull counters an attack from Aika with some thunder fury!

19 - I guessed correctly that Sacri is a healing spell, I need it as this bull is hitting harder than the typical guard. Vyse misses from point blank, lame.
20 - S-Move time! The bar on top of the screen says 8/8 so it's available, no idea how it got full but I'm not complaining! Vyse does some mean slashes and does a bit of damage, pretty nice.

21 - Meanwhile, Aika is getting beat up bad as the bull is focusing on her. I manage to heal in time, turns out the heal uses 2 points from that bar on top, and Vyse and Aika share the bar. Odd.

22 - The bull dies in a fiery explosion, yay! Level up for both. But more importantly the longer battle has given me a clue on how the battle system really works.
23 - Alfonso escapes on a personal craft, quite the coward. Our heroes turn back to the girl in white and the scene cuts away.

25 - The girl named Fina wakes up in a bed, Aika and Vyse introduce themselves and the Blue Rogues. I get the option to have Vyse say that Fina is weird name and Aika gets pissed at me. Well, it is kind of strange.

26 - In the following conversation, Vyse explains that there are two types of pirates, the Blue Rogues (the good guys of course) and the Black Pirates (the mean and dastardly pirates). Vyse basically says that the Blue Rogues rob from the rich and give to the poor. How original. Vyse and Aika are called out of the room by Dyne and I'm back in control.
28 - I explore the bottom level of the ship and then head up to the bridge.

29 - Dyne chews me out for being late and calling him "Dad" instead of "Captain." Bah.

30 - I speak with Briggs the Vice Captain, he tells me we're heading for Pirate Isle (obviously) and that it's southeast from here. Looks like I get to steer the ship!
31 - Steering is a little different than just wandering around on foot. The L and R buttons control altitude. Well, that's the only difference. Time to head out!

32 - What the frak? A random battle? Vyse and Aika appear on deck and are fighting three "Maroccas." No idea. I barely do any damage at all to them, this could become obnoxious quickly. I use Vyse's magic, Pyri, to do massive damage to these hitchhikers. That's the ticket.

34 - Our team levels up again and I'm back in control of the ship. I should note that there's islands floating in the sky and there appears to be giant waterfalls lining the sky to serve as walls. Weird. I arrive at Pirate Isle and a cutscene begins.

36 - Fina and Vyse chat on deck as they approach the village and we get a look at the inhabitants. They all look happy. A large piece of the island opens up to reveal a passage for the ship to enter. Sweet setup.
37 - We're inside the island now and the pirates are checking out their booty haul. Dyne yells down to Vyse and orders him and Fina to his office immediately.

38 - I'm back in control and save my game. Aika and Fina are no where to be seen even though they're supposedly with me. I always liked the caterpillar method of showing your party members running behind you, too bad.

40 - I find a door to the outside, but it's locked. Dyne doesn't want Fina wandering about in the sun I guess. I wish I could roll or jump or something as I'm running around. It's kind of boring. A double jump would be extra special.

41 - I enter Dyne's office with the ladies. Dad starts interrogating Fina as he doesn't recognize her clothing. I'm given the option to defend Fina but I choose not to. A happy sound is played, looks like I made the right decision this time!
42 - Aika defends her instead and is put in place be the boss. This is a heated conversation but without voice acting it's lacking in emotion. Sometimes there's a random "uh huh" or "hey" but that's about it. There's also no music right now... awkward.

43 - Fina won't tell where she's from and Dyne understands and decides to trust her. Now we have to give her a tour of topside. I head back to the door and out into the fresh air.

44 - Aika needs to head home to "freshen up," maybe she's got the hots for Fina.
45 - The environments really do not look that great. They're built like they're on the Nintendo 64, all blocky and polygonal, but the textures are a little higher quality, though bland. Also the island is just wide open with just a short fence lining it, anyone could fall down to who knows where at any time!

47 - I explore the town along with Fina, there's no load times and entering buildings is seamless, that's nice at least. Nothing of real interest though.

50 - I spend about a minute climbing a ladder. And much like the Bridge to Nowhere, it serves no purpose, time to climb back down...
52 - I enter a house and meet my mom. Quite the polygonal hottie. Okay, not really. Aika enters and says we should watch the sunset from Lookout Island. I really hope that's not up the ladder.

54 - Oh my Lord, it is.

55 - Our trio chill out high in the sky (it should be noted that Pirate Isle is already very high relatively to the unknown surface of the planet). They talk about what's "beyond the sky." A not-so-deep conversation ensues.
56 - All of a sudden a blue meteor streaks across the sky! It's a Moon Stone! For a second there I thought it was the bad guys coming to blow up the island village in true RPG fashion. The stone magically lands on Shrine Island, an island a bit off of Pirate Isle. Aika and Vyse hatch a plan to get the stone tomorrow.

57 - Mom calls for us and the game transports me down the ladder! Thank you game!

58 - A lullaby plays, signifying the end of a long day as the morning sun bursts through Vyse's window. Aika's texty voice breaks the silence though and it's time to head out.

59 - Dyne gives me a purple moon stone as my haul from the ship yesterday, it can power up my weapons and give them the power of ice!

60 - Doesn't look like Fina is accompanying us, good. She'd just get in the way anyway with her princess-like gracefulness. We head for a small island where a ship is waiting for us, and Aika and Vyse head out on another adventure as the first hour comes to a close.

Now for some scores out of 10.
Story: 6
This was really the only satisfying category for me, and it was really only redeemed because there are pirates. Pirates and treasure hunters are like instant gold for me, and this is the third game I've reviewed to feature them (see The Curse of Monkey Island and Kirby Super Star). Those games scored well, but seriously, Skies of Arcadia is shaping up to be a extremely cookie cutter adventure. I think it did a good job though establishing the good guys (the Blue Rogue pirates), the bad guys (the Imperials), and even the potential other bad guys (the Black Pirates). There's also Fina who is seemingly from another world, which adds a sense of mystery to an otherwise basic first hour.
Graphics and Sound: 5
I can cut the game a little slack for being an enhanced port, but the Dreamcast was no slouch (see SoulCalibur) in terms of graphics. It's not really about how many polygons you have, it's how you use them. Skies of Arcadia does not use them very well, unfortunately. The environments are bland bland bland, the characters look okay, and the animations are mediocre at best. This is a very average looking Gamecube game. On the other hand, I enjoyed the music quite a bit, but the sound effects were cheesy and the lack of voice acting is seemingly inexcusable, but you have to remember that Skies of Arcadia originally came out in 2000, before voice acting in epic RPGs became the norm.
Gameplay: 4
This is a 3D game but you might as well lay down the square 2D tiles for Vyse to walk on as that's how it feels when running around outside battle. Inside battle is not that much better, it's extremely basic combat with little variation in the first hour. I was able to pull off one super move but the battles just didn't seem exciting. I can't help compare this to my first hour review of Final Fantasy VII, there's just nothing special about either of them in terms of gameplay, but Final Fantasy VII is just a little more polished and the active time battles give it an advantage. Also don't make me climb a super tall ladder and not reward me at all for my patience.
Fun Factor: 4
Random battles are not fun. I used to defend random battles, I'm not sure why, but that was back in the day where there were not many alternatives. Now almost every RPG gets around random battles somehow so playing older ones are just painful. Especially random battles when I'm sailing an airship, I'm sorry but that doesn't make any sense. Some bad guys might hop on, but why does the guy behind the wheel have to clean them up? The whole airship sailing is fun, but walking around inside the ships and on land is awkward. I spent 30 seconds just trying to get Vyse to face a ladder in his bedroom. The game hinted at some cool potential in customizing and upgrading weapons which is typically interesting.
Minutes to Action: 5
Overall: 5
Skies of Arcadia Legends' first hour is mediocre. That's what a score of five means from me: average, bland. Neither rubbish nor special. Pirates are cool, crappy gameplay is not. I was just not impressed with the game but I feel that the RPG genre is kind of stacked against when just reviewing the first hour. The story can't be fleshed out, the characters can't be thoroughly introduced, and the battle mechanics can't be fully explored. However, the general gameplay can be appreciated, and Skies of Arcadia does not deliver. I simply do not want to play this game for 20 or 80 hours, whatever it may be. It is clunky and derivative and I can't honestly recommend it unless all you own is a Gamecube and you're desperate for your RPG sky pirate fix. Hey, there's gotta be someone out there, right?

Art by Fifi Xu - used with Permission.

Game 21: Jet Force Gemini

Jet Force Gemini is a Nintendo 64 third-person shooter game released by Rare in 1999. Looking back, it seems like such an odd game: twins Juno and Vela fly around in a space ship and save furry creatures from the evil empire. But when I think about it more closely, Jet Force Gemini really seems like the ultimate Rare amalgamation of their other Nintendo 64 games - Goldeneye 007, Banjo-Kazooie, Perfect Dark, and Conker's Bad Fur Day specifically. That collection of animal fur and blood and guts really comes together on this cartridge.

The game also has some interesting history during development. I used to read IGN very closely and I remember the day when some new character art was released and the twins went from being bland to sexy. Now it seems like they did this just so they could give Vela boobs, but I suppose breast sells and that's their right. Anyways, now you know all of Jet Force Gemini's exciting history (there wasn't much to cover), so let's get right into the review.

(minutes are in bold)
00 - I enter my name for a new game and then start the opening cutscene. We're looking at a glowing planet with an asteroid belt around it, a ship flies by. Some epic space music starts and the camera pans to give us a peek on the inside of the ship. A teenage boy and girl are running the ship, along with their dog.
01 - An alarm goes off, "Alert!" The boy throws down his coffee and runs to the console. We cut to a scene on a planet, a bunch of furry teddy bears are getting shot down by a squad of blue ants. Somehow our heroes are watching this too.

02 - A giant mothership is passing over our hero's ship. They run down the hallway, but a swarm of blue ants burst in! The girl and their dog head into tubes and land on.... treadmills? They then take off in their own personal transport ships. The boy continues to fight off the ants, and then runs into a tube himself.
03 - He lands on his own treadmill, his name is Juno, and he's ready for action. I hit A a few times and he gets teleported into his own orange ship which takes off for the planet.

04 - It's a green planet with plenty of water. Juno lands his ship on what looks like a landing pad made just for him. I take control of the blue-clad hero.

05 - I encounter Yoda, well, maybe not Yoda, but it sure looks like a dark green version of him. Yoda is a Tribal, the furry creatures on this planet, and he tells me he saw Vela and Lupus run through a moment ago, must be my sister and dog. Guess he knows who we are.
06 - Yoda tells me that green doors mean forward and red doors mean back. That's probably an indication of poor level design and that it is easy to get lost. I check out my controls, Z shoots, and the C-buttons (remember this is on the Nintendo 64) control various jumping and rolling maneuvers. R brings the camera directly behind Juno's back to aim.

07 - I proceed forward. The next area is very wide open, but the large textures are truly awful.

08 - I enter a hut and talk with a Tribal. He asks me to rescue as many of the furry creatures as I can.
10 - Another Tribal tells me I'll have to destroy all Mizar troops to proceed from stage to stage. Figures.

11 - While using the R-button to aim you use the left joystick to aim your gun and the C-buttons (aka right joystick) to shoot. This is the opposite of basically every first person shooter I've played since Halo and I'm going to have a hard time getting used to this in the next hour.

12 - Goldwood Forest - My first liberation zone. The game pans around the area, telling me what to shoot and what not to. Kinda obvious. Oh snap, Sniper Drones!

13 - Blah blah, let's get going. Kill ants, free Tribals.
14 - Finally, A hostile area! I take out my first Sniper Ant with some well placed shots.

15 - After that I rescue my first Tribal, cute little furball.

17 - Phew, just cleared my first large area. The switched joysticks are disorienting me in combat, not sure how I ever played games like this! I dig around in the options looking for a change. Hmm... nothing.

18 - Two different doors to enter, I enter the right one.

20 - It's a long tunnel with ants lined up all the way. There's really no point in aiming it seems, just run and gun. I take on a ton of ant soldiers and then rescue a few Tribals at the end of the tunnel. Only one left to rescue in this level.
22 - I manuever my way through a line of ticking land mines while dodging ant bullets. The imprecise controls are making this difficult, Juno takes wide turns.

25 - I accidentally fall down a waterfall hole then crawl underwater through a small crevice. I'm out in the open again. I wish there was some kind of map, I feel really lost. Oh, area cleared! And I rescued all the Tribals (I did?), not bad!

26 - Next area has what looks like to be a collection of exploding barrels.

27 - The music here is really upbeat, lots of drums. A Tribal gives me a Red Key, used for opening doors with Red Locks. Thanks! There's also a door behind him that I can't enter. He says its a Mizar door, why they would have a door on this planet I don't know.
29 - I have to shoot a target to proceed... How annoying! I'm wasting all my ammo. Try as I might, I can't get it open. I head through another door.

30 - Okay, there's a giant bug boss in here. Am I ready for this guy? I save my game.

31 - I'm fighting him pretty good, but then I fall in the pit. Wonky controls. I fall again trying to get some red gems.

32 - All right, he went down real easy once I bothered to try. I got a machine gun as a reward! This sucker is high power and should open that frustrating target easy.
33 - The door goes down in a flurry of bullets.

36 - I'm picking up ant heads as I run around, wonder what they do?

37 - I take out a few more snipers, cool physics as their guns bounce around after they're dead.

38 - I get taken out by one of those giant bug's laser beams. Ouch. Direct hit.

39 - I get right back on my feet (after miraculously coming back to life a few hundred feet away) and take the bugger out.

40 - The game thinks it's funny to place a sniper right above a door entrance. Lame. I'm also starting to notice how hard it is to get the camera to swing around to where you want it.

42 - Woah, I turn the corner and there's a ton of floating gunners! I take a minute to pick them off one by one, luckily they're horrible shots.
43 - I fall off an invisible cliff and die. No continues left now... gotta be careful.

44 - Sweet, I just shot an enemy grenade out of the air! But then I die again, continues gone. Lame.

46 - This time I take out the horde of gunners with my machine gun. Much faster this time.

49 - Wow, the game really likes overwhelming odds. Right now I'm fighting off a large group of much more accurate gunners. Not fun.
50 - I take out the final gunner as he kills me, at least they won't be back now.

51 - Moving on finally, I'm able to rescue a bunch of Tribals, but in the next room a swarm of green flying gunners awaits me. I grab an invincibility power-up on the ground and blast through them. Level complete. But I missed four Tribals. Whoops.

53 - I make it back to my ship, no sign of my sister of dog. I take off to the heavens.
54 - There's a long sequence as my orange ship docks in the main ship. Juno just ran through a solid wall after he got off his ship. Odd.

55 - Somehow one of the Tribals got on my ship. He starts a cutscene, looks like the ants are on MY ship? Maybe I'm not on my ship but the alien mothership? It's not clear. Vela is doing some reconnaissance. Well, until she starts blasting everyone!
56 - She takes off after some ants but then gets captured by a giant purple bug. Now I gotta rescue her I suppose. How did this Yoda know all this information anyway?

57 - I'm back in control and take off into the unknown.

58 - This is a cool indoor area, I like it better than the forest. I rescue some Tribals from the giant purple bug.
59 - I'm clearing out another room of bugs and gunners. This game could be a lot more fun if it helped you aim at the flying guys too.

60 - In my final minute I manage to rescue another Tribal and spatter some ants. Nothing too exciting.

Now for some scores out of 10.
Story: 2
Jet Force Gemini's story in the first hour is extremely lacking. It basically entails to a pair of twins and their dog are chilling out in orbit around a planet when the furry inhabitants of that planet are suddenly attacked by some evil ants. That's it. There is no explanation why Juno and Vela were by that planet, there is no explanation on who the Tribals are and why they would get attacked, and there is no explanation on who is attacking them except that they're Mizar. Considering it takes 15 minutes to actually get rolling, you would have expected a lot more.
Graphics and Sound: 6
The characters are probably the best looking things in this game, they're relatively detailed and Juno and Vela specifically look really good. After that, everything kind of goes downhill. The 3D areas seem pretty large, but Jet Force Gemini employs some really awful looking textures all over which spoil the expansiveness. There was a decent variety of environments in the first hour; though I spent the most time in the forest, the last few minutes placed me in a large spaceship cargo deck. I actually enjoyed the music so that helps out this category's score. The sound effects were typical but the soundtrack seemed above average. But Rare has always had pretty good music in their games. Oh, one note, Jet Force Gemini runs in widescreen mode (as you can see by the screenshots in this review), this is a great method of future-proofing by Rare.
Gameplay: 4
Besides the polygonal graphics, many Nintendo 64 games suffered from crappy gameplay. My theory behind this is that the controller simply wasn't ready for both 3D movement and dynamic camera control. Throw in some simultaneous aiming and moving/strafing with only one joystick and all of a sudden you have a 10 button controller that is simply inadequate for the games developers want to make. Jet Force Gemini suffers from this and thus the player suffers too. Is it good gameplay when an experienced gamer has to constantly think about what buttons to press? No. Does it make sense that the game forces you to use an inaccurate joystick (or is it just a bad aiming system?) to pick off sniper ants that just span a few pixels? No. I could go on but the first hour of Jet Force Gemini's gameplay is simply a disappointment.
Fun Factor: 5
Gameplay and Fun Factor categories are usually directly related, if the gameplay sucks, you're probably not going to have much fun. This would be the case for Jet Force Gemini if it didn't have that unique sense of style that's a trademark of Rare games. It's so satisfying splattering the ant drones' green blood all over nearby rocks or "accidentally" shooting a Tribal here or there. The characters have a certain roguish appeal, but they're way too underdeveloped in the first hour, unfortunately. This score would be higher if it weren't for the frustrating moments where you're just getting picked off in the distance by gunner drones and your crappy aim can't hit anything. Too bad.
Minutes to Action: 14
Overall: 5
This is a disappointing score for me, Rare had such a great track record on the Nintendo 64 and doing a quick recap in my mind, Jet Force Gemini probably had the worst first hour out of all their releases on the system. I also really can't see how the game could recover from this considering so much of the fault lies on the below-average gameplay. The story may become a classic and the soundtrack might keep kicking along, but if the gameplay sucks, well, you can't really do much. Here's to the alien blood splattering run-and-gun action adventure that was not to be.