Game 45: Pilotwings 64

Pilotwings 64 is a flight simulator and one of the original launch games for the Nintendo 64. The game doesn't feature any standard flight simulator vehicles such as fighter planes or a Cessna single-engine, but more unique craft like the gyrocopter and hang glider. There is a lot of interaction with the environments such as photographing landmarks and even some battle-themed stages pitting you against giant robots. The game was really overlooked when it was released even though there was only one other Nintendo 64 game available at the time, but of course, that game was none other than Super Mario 64. Let's take a look at the first hour of the other launch title, Pilotwings 64.

(minutes are in bold)
00 - I choose Start Game and the first hour of Pilotwings 64 begins. I select a new file and start with the Beginner Class Hang Glider level. Couple of different characters to choose from, I select Ibis as she has a green glider.
01 - My mission is to fly through three rings and then land on the landing point. I can take a 3D look at the map, doesn't look too bad.

02 - Haha, I cleared the three rings easy enough but I dropped my legs too early and fell slowly to the ground in front of the target. Ibis screamed like a little girl.

04 - Bullseye! I land on the target square on and end up with 94/100 points. Not bad. Not bad at all. A cool thing you can do during the level is take pictures, the game isn't beautiful by today's standards but it is definitely colorful.
05 - Sweet, I've already earned my Gold Badge! Time for the beginner Rocket Belt level! I'm selecting the Goose character this time, he looks like Evel Knievel.

07 - Well that was really easy. Just had to rocket into a balloon and then land. 88/100 points, once again docked for landing impact. Lame. The rockets were really easy to control. Dang, missed out on Gold by 2 points.

08 - Cool, it's the Gyrocopter level. I pick Robin as my gyro-pilot. She gives me a sexy "oh yeah!"
10 - The gyrocopter is a cool plane-helicopter hybrid. Not as maneuverable as the rocket belt but super fast. I was going nearly 200 km/h at one point. 87/100 points for this round. And another silver.

11 - I have conquered the Beginner levels so it's on to Class A. Let's start again with the hang glider. I choose Lark, who looks suspiciously like the Nintendo mascot Nester. This level is called Ever-Frost Island. Oh cool, I have to take a picture of the flame coming from the oil plant's smoke stack. I check out the sample photo, seems easy enough.

14 - Oh crap! I took a great picture of the smoke stack but I botched my landing by not holding down the button.
15 - This time I pulled my landing off but I only received 50/100 points! They really didn't like my photo and my landing sucked. Screw them. Next level!

17 - Oh man, this level is going to be tough. You have to dive bomb off a cliff and try to go through as many rings as you can and then pull up before running into a rock wall. Ouch, I smash into it.

18 - Nice, only missed a couple of rings and then had a pretty sweet landing! Oh man, those two levels' scores only add up to 138, I need 140 for the medal! I think I'll retry the photo one to pick up some easy points.
20 - Woah! I got set on fire as I flew too close to the smoke! Awesome! They loved my photo though, 56/60 just on that, and 69/100 total (my landing blew). That's good enough for a bronze, which is good enough for me.

21 - Rocket belt time, this should be fun. I choose Kiwi, a pink clad little lady. Oh sweet, the level is called the Little States and it's a small representation of the contiguous 48 states!

24 - That was a neat level, just had to rocket through some rings and land but they were strategically placed around skyscrapers and under bridges. I pick up 75/100 points. 65 to go for a bronze.
26 - This is a tougher level, instead of flying through rings I have to momentarily land on platforms. I got near the end and then I'm pretty sure the game glitched up on me and forced me to crash. Oh, maybe I ran out of fuel...

29 - I aced that level this time, well, not perfect, but I did get 88 points! That's enough for a silver badge in Class A Rocket Belt!

30 - Class A Gyrocopter now, I select Hawk, a large black man.
33 - Now that was an awesome ride. I had to fly through about 20 rings and I never missed one! I got a complete tour of Crescent Island in the gyrocopter and then made an okay landing. 81 points! Most lost on the landing. I need to practice that I think.

34 - Oh snaps, next level I get to destroy targets!

36 - Another cool level, just had to take out three targets but the rockets are so much fun! Just hold the Z button to aim and fire. I took out one target from like half a mile away! And 97/100 points! Yes! Just two points from gold, oh well.
37 - I'm going to try an extra level called Birdman, I select Lark as my bird. Oh, interesting, this is just free flight. No challenges, just enjoy yourself!

38 - I take a few pictures and then whallop into a tree. That was relaxing, but not what I'm looking for right now! On to Class B levels!

39 - Three tests at this level, sounds like the game is getting tougher. Bring it on.
40 - Woah, first level challenges me to use the thermal currents to bring my hang glider to an altitude of 400m and then land on top of a mountain.

43 - Ugh, you have got to be kidding me, I easily reached 415 meters and then just fell short of the landing area and crashed. Lame.

45 - Oh, suck that! Perfect landing! Okay, I got no points from landing impact but who needs that. 79/100.
46 - Next level is more photographing, take pictures of a fountain and a whale.

48 - Well, I thought I did a lot better than the points I was rewarded, only 38/60 for my pictures? 58 points total?? Ugh.

49 - The next level is asking me to land on the landing point at exactly three minutes... boring. Haha!
52 - Booya, 2:55! Another crappy landing of course, but I score 88 points which should give me the bronze! Yep! I think I'm going to do Gyrocopter Class C. Basically because I want to shoot something. Ibis has been good luck for me, I'll stick with her.

53 - Oh yeah, this was the stage I was looking for! Red Alert! I need to take out the Meca Hawk, a giant robot that is attacking the city! Five missiles will bring him down.

56 - This little bastard really likes to run around. He's basically a human robot that dashes around but it's pretty easy to hit him once you get close. That was pretty cool though, too bad he didn't shoot back. Or actually destroy the city. 85/100 points for me.
57 - Next level is called River Run and has me flying through more rings.

59 - Wow, this is a sweet level, super scenic! The game has me flying underneath bridges and through canals through the rings. I tried to be a little too risky on one ring though and ended up crashing. Whoops! One more try.

60 - Wow, that was fun! I even had a perfect landing at the end and received 97/100 points! Right near the runway at the end they actually launched a space shuttle! Perfect timing to the end of the first hour of Pilotwings 64.

Time for some scores out of 10.
Story: 0
Like many flight simulators, Pilotwings 64 doesn't offer any kind of story, but instead delivers the game in objective based missions. This works perfectly fine with me as I think any kind of story in this game would be simply obnoxious.

Graphics and Sound: 8
Pilotwings 64 is a really early Nintendo 64 game, and so it was one of Nintendo's first foray's into the world of 3D. And much like Super Mario 64, I think they really succeeded. The world is pretty polygonal but the draw distance is really deep and I would never call the game ugly. Pilotwings 64 features an extremely useful heads-up display that doesn't waste any space. Sometimes games just throw a bunch of crap up on the screen that doesn't provide anything helpful. There's a little voice acting in the game that doesn't detract but other than that it's the sound of the engines and the nice ambient music.

Gameplay: 9
This is a super solid atypical flight simulator. In my opinion, real planes and jets have their place on the PC where you can grab a joystick and have precise control, but the eclectic ensemble in Pilotwings 64 works perfectly on the console. In its first hour I used the Gyrocopter, hang glider, jet pack, and even strapped on some bird man wings. They were all distinct in their own way and very fun. Each one handled differently and presented its own form of challenge, it's great to see gameplay like this. The variety of missions was also cool: from a simple ring fly-through to taking photographs of whales to taking down a giant robot, this game has it all.

Fun Factor: 10
Great gameplay with a variety of missions and aircraft makes for an awesome first hour. I honestly had a ton of fun no matter what I was doing and the game was challenging enough to keep things exciting. I think if I was going for perfect scores I would find myself getting pretty pissed off as I'm not a very good lander, but since this is just about the first hour the fun factor gets a perfect ten.

Minutes to Action: 1

Overall: 9
Pilotwings 64 is the first flight simulator I've reviewed and its first hour sets the bar very high for the genre. The game is light-hearted, very fun, and offers a good variety of vehicles and levels. If you can get a hold of this game, give it a try. It is one of the original Nintendo 64 games so for fans of Nintendo console history, you really need to do yourself a favor and play it. Pilotwings 64's first hour is very fun.

Mario can't help stealing the show even when it's not his freaking game.

Game 44: Grand Theft Auto 2

Grand Theft Auto 2 is of course the game that came before Grand Theft Auto III, one of the most important games of the last decade. I always wondered what kind of games GTA1 and 2 were, and after playing them, it's obvious the more things changed, the more they stayed the same. GTA2 is essentially a top-down look at the Grand Theft Auto universe. Much of the core gameplay we know and love today is in GTA2, just from a totally different perspective. It's a great representative of the change from 2D to 3D as somehow it feels I could be playing the exact same game if it weren't for the view.

GTA2 was released in 1999 on a peculiar variety of systems: the Playstation, PC, the Dreamcast, and Game Boy Color. Every major gaming company got a version of this game, but I will personally be playing the PC version. Mostly because this game is absolutely free from Rockstar Games themselves. Yep, you can go to their site and download both GTA1 and 2 for free, not bad if you ask me. If you're one of those poor souls (like me) who doesn't own Grand Theft Auto IV, well, this may serve as a temporary replacement in your heart. Let's get to the first hour review of Grand Theft Auto 2.

(minutes are in bold)
00 - I select Play and the first hour of GTA2 begins. Some voice announces, "Remember, respect is everything!" some announcer yells. A nearby pay phone is ringing. I attempt to run up to it. I'm in the downtown district.
01 - There are three fueding gangs here, the Zaibatsu, Loonies, and Yakuza, and I can help them out if I have enough respect from them. The cops will bust my balls for killing innocents though. I can save at a Church, but only if I have $50,000! Now that's a tithe!

02 - I'm told that in a nearby car is a pistol, a pink arrow points me to it. My character is the center of the screen and I'm looking at him from almost directly above.

03 - The controls are Resident Evil style controls, so you press forward to move forward and have to rotate yourself with the left and right buttons. Pretty awkward from this above ground point of view if you ask me. There's a few arrows around my car pointing me where to go, think I'll head to the gray one.
04 - Geez, when you run over people you get points? Is that right...?

05 - Oh oh, I got the cops on my trail from running over too many peds!

07 - I have entered the Zaibatsu warehouse, and I have to climb some catwalks to reach the ringing pay phone. This is really weird. Running up ramps from this perspective just feels out of place.

08 - I have received my first mission, have to intercept some cheap Yakuza crap. The purple arrow shows me the way.
09 - I jack a Truck Cab and I'm on my way. This vehicle is a beast! The purple arrow is telling me to go inside a building... have to find the entrance.

12 - Well, this is a basic delivery mission. Take the junk across town to three or more drop-off gang members. I say three or more because I accidentally ran over the third one. Whoops. Bloody mistake.

14 - I'm going towards the blue arrow this time. Oh man, this mission is a bank robbery! I pick up a screaming green Yakuza car.

17 - That did not go smooth. I accidentally side-swiped a police car so I spent the next few minutes running and driving from them. Eventually, my car started on fire, and well, you know what happens then (explodes). But I was busted before I blew up and the cops drop me off in front of the station.
19 - I'm going to try the other Yakuza mission, I just have to pick someone up.

21 - This time I hop in the Yakuza's own purple Yen car. Cool.

22 - Oh, I beat it. Just had to drive two guys to the J-Lab. Haha, some guy tried to rob me but then a policeman started shooting at him. Thanks! I got $20,000 for that mission. Not bad. Maybe I'll try the bank heist again.
24 - I end up at a different pay phone but still owned by the Yakuza. Someone tells me that I have to kill Zaibatsu to earn Yakuza respect. Makes sense, now I just have to find those guys.

25 - Not really sure where to consistently find Zaibatsu, so I head back to the gray arrow.

27 - It's hard to tell from this perspective who is who, but some guy started shooting at me so I shot back at him. Bullets appear as red balls, pretty hilarious.
28 - Just mowed down three Zaibatsu in a row. But the paramedics came and revived them!

29 - I wasn't really watching my health and was Wasted. I lost my guns but kept my Yakuza respect, which is going up, and my Zaibatsu respect is still way down!

30 - Oh sweet, picked up a Kill Frenzy token which gave me a flamethrower and the challenge to kill 60 people in two minutes! That was really hard though as the cops decided that wasn't a very nice thing to do and captured me.
32 - Haha, I just punched as guy into the street and he got ran over by a speeding car.

33 - I think I might have enough respect with the Yakuza now, so I head back to their headquarters. Along the way I jack a car that has a Christian radio station playing, don't hear that in many games.

34 - Ah, the bank robbery mission again. Here we go.

37 - Someone tipped off the cops! I'm on the run to the car paint place to sneakily change the color of my car. The coppers will never know.
38 - I drop off the car, robber, and cash, and finish the job. Another $20,000 for me. I actually have over $50,000 now. I am now allowed to save my game, haha. Time to head to another blue arrow.

40 - Another pickup job, this time from someone who was in plastic surgery. Hey... where's my arrow?

41 - Just saw it for a split second, but it's gone again. I can not play without arrows pointing me exactly where to go!

44 - Awesome! Some fellow Loonies and I just blew up a ton of Zaibatsu cars! They explode with like a sonic boom.
45 - Okay, for some reason the arrow only appears when I'm under structures. That's odd.

46 - Picked up a GTA2 symbol, no idea what it did though. I'm glad these Loonies are my friends because there are a ton of them around!

47 - Umm... the arrow that appears when I'm underneath is just pointing me in the direction I am facing in. I am thoroughly confused.

49 - I find a Loony phone, not enough respect though yet. They respect those who like killing Yakuzas!
50 - Maybe I'll go on a rampage.

52 - Ugh, killing cops gets you busted quick. And the Yakuza do not like to see me get busted. But hey, at least the arrows are back!

53 - Cool, I'm in a TV van. The satellite dish is rotating above me.

54 - I'm back in the Yakuza headquarters but there are no phones ringing. Man, I haven't had anything to do in like forever!
56 - Ugh, it's the same mission again. I need a Medicar it says... maybe that's why there were no arrows before. Is a Medicar an ambulance? I kill a guy in the middle of the road and wait.

59 - Wow, I wish the game had just told me I needed an ambulance. Well, I picked up the guy from the hospital with the Medicar, and then immediately ran into a cop. Having the police and the Loonies on your trail is never an easy thing, especially when driving a boat like the Medicar. But I made it to the safehouse with my vehicle on fire. Phew.

60 - Our little character smokes when he's not moving. Man, he's just a bad role model all around. I decide to end my first hour of GTA2 in a massive car exploding spree. Uzis work really well for that and I was blowing up cars left and right for the next minute. Awesome.

Time for some scores out of 10.
Story: 2
In Grand Theft Auto 2, you play a nameless hero who finds himself in the middle of a nameless city. A nearby pay phone rings and you're informed about the gangs of the area and how you can gang their respect and perform missions for them. That's pretty much the game's backstory in the first hour. Missions are the only other time for moving the plot forward, and unlike Grand Theft Auto III, you just get a mission over the phone, no cutscenes or random banter here. You may like this straight forwardness, but it doesn't do much for a game's plot.

Graphics and Sound: 8
The top-down view of Grand Theft Auto 2 allows for a surprisingly detailed game in terms of graphics. The vehicles and roads are easy on the eyes but the biggest graphical problem are the people. Because of the view, you can really only see the top of their head and the color of their shirt. Where cars are easily recognizable for their large top, pedestrians are much harder to pick out. Is that a cop? Is that a pedestrian? Is that a member of the Zaibatsu gang? I often had no idea.

There's no traditional voice acting in GTA2, but the awesome radio stations are present and as funny as ever. They don't seem as useful in this game as compared to San Andreas where you had to drive very long distances at points, but I'm sure there are some moments where there's enough downtime to enjoy the embedded humor. Besides the radio, the sound effects are excellent, as they typically are in GTA games. No complaints from me here.

Gameplay: 6
Let me get this out there, the controls in Grand Theft Auto 2 are definitely awkward. Even though I played the PC version, I still used a PlayStation controller and I was simply never comfortable with driving or running around on foot. I'm sure the developers spent a lot of time comparing a traditional control scheme and the controls they implemented, and I'm sure they made the right decision, but maybe this is just one of those games where nothing would feel right to someone like me. I always found myself running into traffic or straight into buildings, I was playing against the controls as much as I was dealing with actual gameplay elements. This is not to say everything is bad, because beyond the controls everything is really good. This is a complex game that has a ton of things going on, I was constantly impressed with the number of vehicles and pedestrians running around at a given moment, and especially how they reacted to my insanity.

Fun Factor: 5
The controls really held me back from enjoying Grand Theft Auto 2 as much as I enjoyed its 3D descendants. I really hate to admit this but it's the honest truth. Maybe after a couple hours of playing I would be a seasoned pro, but since this is just the first hour, I can't cut it any slack. However, the game is still fun, there are plenty of explosions and of course, much death and destruction. The most enjoyable parts of the later games are still around though, just from a different point of view.

Minutes to Action: 2

Overall: 6
Grand Theft Auto 2 is an above average game that gives an early peek at what the blockbuster series has since become. There are not a lot of games that I can think of that offer this top-down perspective from such a height but it allows for a lot of stylized action on screen at once. Since the game is free, there's really no reason for fans of the series to check out where its roots lie, so give Grand Theft Auto 2 a look if you're interested, otherwise go back to the undoubtedly glorious Grand Theft Auto IV.

Game 43: Night Trap

Night Trap was a controversial full-motion video game released on a variety of CD-based systems in the early 90's. It serves as a great reminder to people who wish to defend against video game censorship in the United States as the game's leading opponents: Joe Lieberman and Herb Kohl, are still serving in the Senate 15 years later. Night Trap is pretty timid compared to some games nowadays and mostly attracted attention because it used real actors (if you could call them that) in pajamas and had a vampire blood sucking scene. There have undoubtedly been hundreds of scenes of vampires sucking the blood of a young woman out in film and even on TV over the years, but Night Trap gets targeted because why?

Anyways, a little about my experience with the game. I actually beat Night Trap a few years ago, it was an epic moment in my video game career and a story I'll be able to retell for ages. I first played it when it was initially released on the Sega CD back in 1992. Even then I realized how bad this game was, the control is simply horrid and the full motion video is anything but that. My friend and I played it because we were young and intrigued about the notion of the possibility of breasts in a video game. Of course, there isn't any nudity but we liked to think that if we beat the game, we would be duly rewarded. If you consider the opportunity to kill Dana Plato a great reward though, well, you will love this game. Now on to the first hour review of Night Trap for the PC!

(minutes are in bold)
00 - Well, the game starts off right away, I don't even have to press Start! The developer and publisher's logo flash by, and then we get to see the Night Trap logo, with a bloody letter A! An RV pulls up and I get a binoculars' eye view of a house. We cut to what I presume is inside the RV, a SWAT-like team of people are moving around inside, preparing for a mission of sorts.
01 - But they're not SWAT, they're SCAT. I don't think I could have possibly thought of a worse squad acronym. A man named Simms starts talking to me about this slumber party that's about to go down. Five teenage girls are going to a mall friend's house for some fun, but this isn't any normal random set of people, pretty girls have disappeared from here before! My job is to protect the five girls. Somehow SCAT already snuck someone into the house and discovered a robust security system with cameras and traps in every room (including the bathroom) and they spliced the cable so we could also control their security. Right now the trap's access code is simply set to Blue, but anyone could change it at anytime, so I have to pay attention. They could also cut the spliced cable.

02 - Man, this is a lot to worry about. Luckily I'll have a woman on the inside, Kelly, code named in the real world as Dana Plato, the star of Diff'rent Strokes! Simms yells at me for another moment, then I say I'm ready to go and the game really begins.

03 - So I'm looking at a view of the girls climbing out of their station wagon and they begin to unpack. They joke around in hilarious fashion and then Dana Plato, I mean Kelly, approaches the camera and asks if we're ready to go. The family's daughter, Sarah, comes walking down the stairs and says she's surprised they came.
04 - The parents also come out of the house and Sarah introduces everyone, the dad is all creepy like and even kissed Kelly's hand. One of the girl's brought her little brother, Danny. That just seems odd. Through all of this the game is beeping.

05 - I should explain the UI, on the top half of the screen we have the full motion video area, where we get to see the grainy, low-res hotties in action. On the bottom half we have what looks like a view of the house and buttons for the various cameras around the building. It also shows my current access code, and some numbers that say Possible (15) and Captured (0). Every time the game beeps the Possible goes up by one.

07 - Umm... "Weird Eddie" just approached the girls, "he's really cute" one of them exclaims. Danny waves like a dork. They enter the house, but I can see some black-clad dudes on the roof! I click the Trap button but it does nothing. The front lawn is just empty. Guess I'll head inside.
09 - Kelly breaks the fourth wall again and tells me to check out the house. I have to either follow these guys around or look for the baddies. They're hanging out in the kitchen now, unloading their goods.

10 - Woah, I just entered the bedroom and some guy was creeping around. It was playing some "rock" music and I tried to trap him but nothing happened.

11 - Oh man, I just missed out on a trap! A ninja vampire was in the bedroom again and the little bar starting flashing red, but I had already clicked Trap and missed my chance. Darn. 24 Possible, 0 Captured.
13 - Two guys just went into a secret doorway, I don't know how to follow them! The parents are outside talking about leaving, "what could possibly go wrong?" the father asks. Oh, just wait.

14 - I keep entering rooms right when a vampire is leaving. Lame. Oh, the girls are having a dance party in the living room now! Think I'll watch that for a bit.

16 - Holy crap. I just witnessed quite possibly the greatest scene in a video game ever. Someone puts on a song, and it turns out to be the Night Trap song! Seriously. "blah blah blah blah NIGHT TRAP!" That's basically how it went. One of the girls had a tennis racket and was strumming it like a guitar and then using it as a microphone. All of a sudden all the girls stand up and start rocking out. Amazing!
17 - But of course the whole time I was missing out on captures, whoops.

18 - NOOOO! I just had my first capture in the bag but someone changed the code! I don't know what it is now!

19 - Oh snaps, I lost. Simms comes up and tells me the house is being overrun, he's probably right! Time to start again.
20 - All right! This time I don't waste any time watching Simms talk to me and just get right to the house by pressing Enter. That seems to have worked because right away in Hall 1 two ninjas appear and since I know the code is blue, I take them out right away. A door opens up and then a wall shoves them outside. Rocking!

21 - Wow, I'm on a roll! I've now captured 5 out of a possible 7. The daughter, Sarah, was in the bathroom freshening up and some nasties followed her in there (unknown to her). I took them out with a rotating wall and some cleverly placed holes in the floor. Awesome Blossom!

23 - There are trapdoors all over this house, took out another two vampires. And another.
24 - The mom just came out from behind a bookcase, something fishy is going on here.

25 - The game has finally reached the point where the girls are unloading the station wagon. Geez, that seems a little lame that the opening video literally cuts into the game like that.

27 - Owned, the sliding staircase just dumped two enemies to the underworld. LOL, the bed just flipped up to toss one outside. This game is crazy.
28 - The game just pulled the same wall pushing two outside again. And since it was all full motion video, it was the exact same scene. I've captured 13 of 17. Not bad if I do say so myself.

30 - Took out some more in the bathroom. Some of these guys have giant weapon like things that look like they're for grabbing on to people's necks with (and then sucking their blood!).

31 - I come across the mom and dad in the kitchen, sounds like the mom is suspicious of Kelly. Not good for SCAT!
33 - Oh no, someone changed the code! When did they do it? I try changing it to Green and I immediately get an opportunity to try that out, doesn't work. Crap.

34 - Haha, the girls are about the sing the Night Trap song. I'd better not watch this time. Well, the code isn't Orange either. This sucks.

35 - What the frak? One of my SCAT buddies just burst into the house. Odd. I'm doing a lot worse now, 18 out of 34. And I still haven't confirmed the new access code.
37 - Ugh, not Purple either. Little Danny just found one of the secret doors and he went in, and two vampires followed! But I couldn't take them out! Finally, it's Red! Just don't change again anytime soon, please.

39 - Oh sucka! I just overheard the cousins talking about changing the code to Yellow. I rule.

40 - And yellow works immediately, whoopee! The girls have gone upstairs after their little dance-off. Sarah is showing them their rooms.
41 - Someone just pulled up in another station wagon, it's some black guy wearing a crazy Hawaiian outfit, but he's with SCAT! I think he's going to try something... "Give them the old Jamaican number." I am frightened for my life.

42 - Holy crap, Dana Plato in a sports bra! My dream has come true. One of the girls finds some crazy sex-toy thing in the closet, Sarah says her dad collects weird things. Uh huh.

44 - Well, the SCAT guy was inside talking to the cousins, but I didn't pay attention to what they were doing. Instead I found the craziest thing yet (besides the song). Some guy was hoisted up by his ankles in a closet and the vampires hooked some oxygen tank up to his neck and started sucking the blood out! Crazy!
45 - Oh no, Danny saw them do it! And now little Danny is getting chased! I do manage to take out one though.

47 - Woah, I just saw the famous bathroom scene that all the donkeys in Washington got upset about. One of the girls was fixing her hair in the bathroom while one of the vampires was hiding in the shower. She saw him and opened it up, thinking it was one of the other girls playing a trick on her, but then another came out, and another wielding their giant neck weapon! She starts fighting them off and I kill one, then she runs to the bedroom and out the window. Crazy!

49 - Heh, one of the cousins was just hitting on Kelly, but then Danny runs into the living room saying "they're after me!" Maybe they'll believe him and they can get the heck out! Please insert disc 2... fine, give me a minute.
50 - Oh no, my game froze! Crap... guess I'll replay the beginning for another 10 minutes. That blows.

51 - Okay, now the game is on a fritz, it froze again basically. LAME. Well, just the mouse actually, I can still use the number keys to switch cameras and the Enter button to trap. Might as well give it a try. (turns out later on it was actually my mouse that ran out of batteries, sorry to blame it on you Night Trap!)

55 - Using the keyboard's number pad is actually really easy to use. Quite a good alternative to the mouse.
58 - Just playing the game... 16 of 25 captured. Just flung a guy off the roof, only one I haven't seen yet.

60 - I'm proud of myself, I correctly figured out when the guys turned the access code to Red. But that's all there is to the first hour of Night Trap! Wow! Not as bad as I remembered.

Time for some scores out of 10.
Story: 3
Well, if you've read the minute by minute of this game, you'll know that Night Trap's story is pretty much crap. Okay, it's total crap. But it is redeemed by that amazing song that had me entranced for a few minutes. I'm pretty sure this game was intentionally written as a vampire B-movie, but that doesn't mean it gets a break from me. The acting is atrocious but the biggest problem with the story is the gameplay. There might actually be some gems of writing hidden within this game but you'd never know because you have to constantly jump from room to room, causing you to miss 90% of the dialogue. But maybe that's a good thing.

Graphics and Sound: 6
I played the PC version of Night Trap which benefits from higher resolution video, which is a definite plus. The security camera picture actually looks pretty good and it is always clear when the black clad bad guys are creeping around. What also helps is the soundtrack, the only noticeable piece was the vampire sneaking music but it helped so much when zipping from screen to screen. That Night Trap song was also pretty awesome. Finally, the user interface was also completely revamped from the Sega CD version but I'm not sure if it's actually any better.

Gameplay: 6
The core gameplay of Night Trap is really just you switching from camera to camera as fast as possible to find bad guys running around the house and then trap them. Trapping them doesn't take much skill, just press the button at the right time, but it's more about looking at the right camera at the right time. It's a little frustrating to suddenly find the security code has been changed, but I suppose this game has quite a bit of trial and error behind it, and I quickly figured out the correct time of the first code change. Night Trap's gameplay works off a simple concept, but it is executed pretty well.

Fun Factor: 8
I've always had fun playing Night Trap, and my latest foray into the game's first hour was no exception. The game is flawed in many ways, but once you get a hang of the gameplay and can get past the cheese factor, it is really fun. Trapping bad guys can actually be laugh out loud funny but most of the enjoyment comes from the bad acting and of course, the epic song and dance sequence. It's great to see a game that doesn't take itself too seriously, the developers weren't trying to make the perfect game, the premise is too flawed to begin with to achieve that. They did, however, make a game that is kind of like a scary movie, the more people you have around to watch it, the better it gets.

Minutes to Action: 3

Overall: 7
Is it wrong for me to say that I actually enjoyed playing the first hour of Night Trap? I think this game has gotten a tremendously bad rap from certain comedy video game reviewers and the pretty crappy gameplay of some console versions. My experience from playing the first hour does not point to this game being one of the worst of all time. It may have been an awful idea with a cast of D-list actors, but it is so campy and insane that I had fun. It's not a great game, it is though decent and such an iconic moment in video game history that if you ever get a chance to play Night Trap, do it.

The Sega CD user interface.
And the end of my innocence.

Game 42: Ogre Battle: March of the Black Queen

Ogre Battle: March of the Black Queen is a console strategy game initially released on the Super Nintendo and then re-released on the Sega Saturn and Sony Playstation. I guess the game is rare but I bought the Super Nintendo version at a rental store when they were going out of business for five dollars (also scored that day was Yoshi's Island). I consider myself lucky, too bad the battery has died since then. The game has seen a bunch of sequels including Ogre Battle 64, which I also own.

Decent non turn-based strategy games are tough to come by on consoles, but March of the Black Queen stands out as one of the first and best in the genre. I'm not so sure how the first hour will turn out though, as the game moves pretty slow. Well, let's just get right into it and find out. I'll be playing the Super Nintendo version.

(minutes are in bold)
00 - I select New Game and the hour begins. A man named Warren begins talking. He is a great Seer, which means he can see destinies. He's going to use Tarot cards to decide if I'm fit to be a leader. But first I enter my name, Greg.
01 - Warren asks me my sex and then reveals the Sun card. He then asks me a question on who do I attribute victory in a battle to. I answer, "those who fought with me."

02 - The World card is revealed next. How full is my glass the night before a battle for a toast? Filled to the brim! Warren draws the Hierophant card.

03 - I answer "a sense of justice" in what I see in a leader. The strength card is brought up, it is a woman standing with a lion. Justice, again, is the most important attribute of a warrior in my opinion.
04 - Wow, more cards still. Now the Magician. I'm asked what kind of potion I'd make: poison, wealth, or immortality. None of them sound that great. I guess wealth.

05 - The Judgement card now. Who would I save in battle if I could only save one: my mother, lover, or child. Child, no idea though, I hate these kind of questions. Warren spreads the remaining cards out and asks me to grab one. It's the Fortune card! No questions that time.

06 - I'm now faced with the world map, The Zeteginea Age. I have a few options, but I'll save my game first. Time to start the first level, the Castle of Warren.
07 - Scene 1 - Beginning. A view of a lush green island appears. I guess I have control over some golden guy and have to beat the boss? There's also a day/night indicator in the corner.

08 - I click my guy a few times and tell him to move on what appears to be a building with a pink roof. He slowly starts crossing the plains. Woah, I'm walking over a mountain.

09 - I have liberated the trade city of Daskania. "Liberation!" the female computer voice calls out! Cool! The people are cheering for me. I have the option to pull a card, woah, it's the Hanged Man. The city calls out "Boo Boo!" Oh no!
10 - Liberating towns rewards me with tribute which I need to run my army. Next up I move Greg west to another building. The screen scrolls smoothly with my sword cursor.

11 - I have liberated a Roshian Temple! I pull the Strength card and get a "Thank you" instead of boos. A monk tells me that everything is moving in real time, and that I should pause if I get overwhelmed. Well, with only one character on the screen that won't be a problem. I head further west to the boss!

13 - Sweet, the sky is turning purple, it's twilight! Warren welcomes me to his castle and tells me I must do battle with the Zenobian Empire. He's going to put me to the test.

14 - Warren won't fight me, just keeps telling me to liberate more towns and return to them. Lame.
16 - I've returned to both towns so it's time to kick some ogre butt! Ugh, Warren tells me about a hidden city to the northeast. Can my character cross water? I guess so. Slowly though.

17 - I have liberated the Walled City of Zeltenia! I pull another Hanged Man card! Nooo!

18 - I talk with Lans, a knight of the Royal Zenobian Army. He likes the look in my eyes so he'll join my cause. Wow, what is my cause anyway? And only if it was that easy in real life. I head back to Warren again.

20 - It has become day again. Finally, it's time to fight! Wow, this looks totally different than the overhead map! It's five against one, seems unfair!
21 - I don't even have to do anything, my guys just fight it out. Greg casts Icecloud on Warren and then gets healed by the mage. Sweet, I won!

22 - I have liberated Volzak! Haha, fireworks are set off from the city. I have completed the map and receive 6748 bonus Goth. Goth is what their money is called. Umm... odd.

23 - Next level is called Sharom and is south of Warren on the world map. Scene 2 - Rally.
24 - Wow, this is a big map, and I also have a ton of units available to me now. Time to start deploying I guess and sending them to towns. Interesting, it costs Goth to deploy units. Cost of an army I suppose.

26 - I send out Lans and Geena along with Greg. Lans liberates Valna. I pull the Moon card. It immediately switches the time to night! Oh, I can buy items here at Valna.

27 - Greg liberates a town and pulls the Emperor card. The enemy hasn't deployed any enemies yet.

29 - Oh, the enemy has finally arrived! Greg liberates a temple, I think I'll stay here and wait for the enemy. Another Hanged Man. I am one unlucky fellow. Temples can revive buddies, that should be helpful.
30 - Greg has met the enemy! My tactics are set to Best, which means I always attack their best character. I think I'll set it to weak and take out the little ones first.

31 - Woah, the battle has ended but they still have two guys remaining! That's weird... Interesting, their character hasn't disappeared from the map, they just got pushed back a few inches on the map.

32 - Greg starts battle with another enemy. These guys have a giant wolf. This doesn't seem to hard when Greg's group has a healer.
33 - This last battle was closer, no one got killed but I still won. Must be based off of damage or something. The enemies just keep coming so I deploy a group that looks like it has ninjas in it. Another battle with Greg.

35 - This team is another set of two, just a mage and a giant guy with a club.

36 - Oh no! I lose! None of my guy's die but that giant brute was doing massive damage and getting to attack multiple times in a row. Geena will have to hold the temple.

37 - Geena's team has two amazons, two soldiers, and a healer. We don't do a lot of damage but are rewarded the win. Geena gets into another battle right away though. Oh snaps, it's the mage and the brute with the club!
38 - We have killed the giant! Just the mage left.

39 - Oh yeah, Geena to the rescue! She has killed the mage too, even though he threw two fireballs at one of my amazons.

40 - Man, just battle after battle. It's the two-headed wolf/mage team. They're weak so hopefully I can finish them off. Well, that was easy, they're gone already.

41 - Another battle against a weakened enemy. Good thing they're not running off to heal.
42 - Well, I don't finish off their leader but their team does level up! Now if only I could get Greg back to the temple to help defend it. I'm fighting another battle against a group with a healer. Could be a long battle. We win but they have plenty of health left.

44 - Back at the map, that loser who only has a few hit points left is running back to the boss. Fighting a beastmaster now and his two-headed wolf.

45 - The wolf is dead leaving the beastmaster, but we're declared the winners.

46 - Ugh, these amazons keep getting left with one hit point and then their cleric heals them.
47 - Wow, I forgot about Lans but he found a secret temple on an island! Liberation! I pull the Strength card. The monks give me the Star of Heroes. I get a "HEROSTAR!" Haha.

49 - Greg has healed a bit so I put him in front of Geena. Greg will meet the beastmaster! Greg only attacks once per battle, and its the Icecloud attack that always seems to miss the leader. I defeat the beastmaster though with my little soldiers. That takes care of him.

51 - Greg levels up as we almost defeat the cleric. It has 8 hit points left. It's probably going to run away.

53 - Woah woah woah! Some enemy is flying across the water and might take the city near my capital! I have to deploy Warren and we race there. Geez, the enemy turns and heads right for my capital city. Crap. They have a gryphon. No wonder they moved so fast, they were literally flying.
55 - Warren just whooped down on their leader but I can't manage to kill the gryphon. It'll probably fly away. I have things under control for the moment so I start moving around my characters. I send Geena to the end of a road where a city undoubtedly is. Lans doesn't find anything in his latest search so I send him back near the capital.

57 - Sweet, I do have a ninja on my team. His name is Morgan though. What kind of ninja is named Morgan?

58 - I have re-encountered the weakened cleric, but she's picked up two more clerics. Lame.

60 - Greg's Icecloud finally hits everyone and does some pretty decent damage. Well, it doesn't look like I'm going to get across this bridge anytime soon. It's going to take a while to defend and slowly push forward. I guess that's the end of Ogre Battle's first hour.
Time for some scores out of 10.

Story: 6
About the only unique thing Ogre Battle has going for it in the first hour in terms of story is the tarot card introduction. It was pretty fun answering Warren's questions about how I would manage an army and how much wine I would want to drink the night before a battle. Maybe not fun... but definitely weird and quirky. Being given tarot cards which I can use in battle is also cool and gives the game an extra layer in what seems like a pretty straight-forward system so far. The rest of the story isn't as interesting, and seems pretty derivative of basically anything else, but the tarot card approach is unique. Destinies and fates are intriguing concepts, whether you believe in them or not.

Graphics and Sound: 7
I read a few reviews that knocked on the game's graphics, but I like them. They're simple when they need to be simple like on the world map, and more detailed when in battle. The battles have a cool background behind them that makes it look like they're just being fought out on my desk. The sprites in battle are also well detailed, but plain on the overworld. This isn't bad though, as they're distinct and are more like pieces out of a board game. The game also features the day/night system which I'm sure will be used uniquely further on, but is more just for show in the first hour.

Not much going on with sound in Ogre Battle. The highlight though is when you liberate a town, you get the sound effect, "Liberation!" I still remember hearing that 12 years ago sitting in my bedroom as a kid and thinking how cool it was.

Gameplay: 5
Two different types of gameplay, and both are relatively hands off most of the time. When managing units on the map, you have to scroll around quite a bit to get a handle on things and you have to understand your unit's strengths and weaknesses. It was kind of a shocker when the enemy sent a flying unit at me from across the sea and almost caught me off guard. But most of the time you're just fortifying a town or temple and trying to hold your ground. A lot of moving characters just a little bit in front or behind of another so they can be the won to battle it out. It's almost requires too much control for a strategy game like this.

Battling in Ogre Battle is mostly automated, which is kind of a relief. Many console RPG's just have you tapping the A button to do the same thing turn after turn, but Ogre Battle makes it easy on the player and takes over for them. You can still press the A button and mess with tactics, but other than that, not much to it. Just hope you hit them and they miss you.

Fun Factor: 5
Ogre Battle's super slow moving pieces on map may be great for planning out strategies and preparing for attacks, but it'd be nice if there was a speed up key or something for the times when you just want to get where you want to be. On the other hand, fighting in the battles can be pretty fun but since it is automated, there's nothing to get too pumped about. The battle is essentially decided before you even start, you're just there to watch it unfold. The game doesn't seem to be too heavy on micromanagement within its first hour though, and that's a plus. Ogre Battle is simply not that fun, it's simply delivers average enjoyment.

Minutes to Action: 20

Overall: 5
Twenty minutes is a long time for any game to get rolling, and Ogre Battle: March of the Black Queen suffers from this. I think it would have been more effective if after our Tarot card draw, if we immediately were thrust into battle. The game can still force us to move around Warren's island and liberate towns, but it just takes a long time to get to what the player wants: action. The game's gameplay and fun factor falter due to Ogre's Battle below normal game speed, but the story and choice of graphics save it from falling into the land of crappy first hours. If you're into console strategy games, you probably owe yourself to check out March of the Black Queen for whatever system you can find it on, but don't spend too much money on it; plenty of good strategy games are still being released. The bad part is they probably all still take a quarter of an hour to actually start.